Are your thoughts dooming your relationship?
Hi guys! Welcome to episode 221 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! How’s it going with you guys this week? Are you noticing your thoughts and maybe catching them before they go off the deep end?
We were at dinner the other night with friends and it was such a fun night and the restaurant was full and lively and I don’t know about you but after two years of awkwardness with COVID I realize how grateful I am for being with real live humans seeing their smiles, being able to hear them talk and laugh and being able to hug without worrying it will kill someone. I never thought that but some people did.
Anyway I digress. So we are in this lively restaurant, one of our favorites and there are a few little kids and one of them every once in a while let’s put this high pitched squeal and then across the restaurant another lets out a high pitched squeal and we’re kind of laughing about it because it was lively and so it was just funny. Our one friends said it’s like they’re communicating and I joined in and said kind of like dolphins and whales and at the same time he said like little Raptors…. And we started laughing because I made it mean something playful like a dolphin and he went straight for the deadly raptors comparison. He said Heidi that’s why you’re so happy and I’m well..not as happy. But there’s something to that. What we make things mean affects how we see it.
And it started me thinking about our relationships and how the thoughts we have affect them. I think relationships have been on my mind lately because I realize more than ever how important they are to our overall happiness and how important our role is in every relationship we have, especially with yourself because that one directly affects every other relationship we have.
I realized that for me I went through that time a few years ago where I was struggling to be happy and I’m glad it happened because I grew so much from it. But it really drove home for me that how we think about someone determines how our relationship will be. When I was struggling, My thoughts about everything were off from who I normally was. I didn’t like my friends, I didn’t like my husband half the time like my husband and I certainly didn’t like myself. It wasn’t good. I say I’m glad it happened because it gave me insight into how we can change our whole world with our thoughts and I was doing it for the worst. I look back on it and I see how people destroy relationships because of the way they’re thinking. Obviously that’s not always the reason but it’s often a big part of it.
What we make things mean determines our life and our happiness. Once I was able to get my hormones balanced and I was back to my normal happy self I saw how destructive negative thinking can be especially in our relationships, not only with other people but also yourself.
Take for instance your intimate partner. Maybe you’ve been together for 10 years and the rose colored glasses have come off and now your thoughts aren’t so steamy about them. Now you’re noticing their faults more than the good stuff and you’re picking at them to the point where you’ve kind of become roommates and your thoughts aren’t focused on being excited to see them now you’re just irritated because they didn’t take out the trash AGAIN. That’s still the same person you couldn’t get enough of at first, they are still the same person you would wait by the phone and pray they would call you. They are still the same person that you would fantasize about. That’s still them.
Tony Robbins says if you had passion at one time, you can get it back. You just have to remember the thoughts that got you there. Put those rose colored glasses back on. See them as your lover, flirt with them, fix yourself up for them like you did at the beginning. How you see them is all YOU. It also has a lot to do with the thoughts you have about yourself. If you think you’re not sexy anymore or you’re not desirable that’s how you’re going to show up. How do you get that back? You could blow your partner’s mind and your own simply by changing your thoughts. If you think you’re sexy, you are and you’re gonna show up that way. You’re gonna flirt with me, your partner and the. They’re going to take notice and maybe they start showing up a little differently and before you know it. Both of you have your Rose colored glasses back on.
It’s your thoughts that make the difference. You don’t have to change anything external. You just have to change your thoughts.
So the squealing kids in the restaurant. Are they dolphins playing in delight or are they raptors going in for the kill? You get to decide.
Is your partner the ole ball and chain or are they your love muffin??? Whatever your pet name is. It matters. It matters to you, it matters to them and it matters to your overall relationship.
My challenge to you this week is to notice the thoughts you have about your partner. If you don’t have a partner then notice the thoughts you have about yourself.
Are you creating a playful dolphin or a deadly raptor? It matters.
Share this and if you’re loving these episodes give me a five star rating. That matters too. You can make a difference. I love you guys. I’ll talk to you in a few days.
