Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 130 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! It’s different coming to you on a Friday! I have been used to the Monday Wednesday format so we will see if we all like the Monday, Friday format and then one impactful interview at the end of the month.
So many of us go through life waiting for something OUTSIDE to change how we feel inside. Waiting for other people or situations to change so we feel better. It’s more important than ever right now to be absolutely certain that you get to choose the way you feel at any time during the day.
Be your own source of power. When you know that and you live that, no-one can take that from you.
So each one of you listening and me too, We have to know that no matter how difficult a situation is or how difficult someone is for us, that we can rely on ourself to remain calm and open. Now, since I’ve been meditating, I feel like a calmer, less anxious version of myself. Sometimes, I surprise myself! Think about the things you’ve overcome in your life. There were times you didn’t think you’d make it and here you are, still alive and kicking and by the way, taking care of YOU by listening to a podcast that is only going to make you better.
A lot of our problems in life come from feeling a lack of control over our circumstances or a lack of control over our emotions. These are just thoughts. We actually have complete control of our emotions and we have complete control over how we react to our circumstances. That is a huge amount of control we have in our life.
But when we blame others or We say this happened to me and that’s why my life turned out this way or this person treated me this way and that’s why I am depressed. When we talk like that, we give that other person so much power, and we concede that we are powerless. I don’t know about you but I want to be in control of me and I bet you want to be in control of you.
And every day probably, we are going to interact with other people who each have a laundry list of things going on in their mind at any given time. They more than likely carry biases that affect how they see you and vice versa, but your goal is to remain authentic and true to you no matter what circumstance comes up. Think about it this way. Every single interaction you have has the possibility of being a good one. Everyone. It’s your job to figure out how to make it so. Life is happening for us, not to us. It may not seem that way at the moment when something bad is happening but if you can stop and think “something good is coming to me because of this interaction or this circumstance”. I think back to the time I had to cancel my seminar to Tony Robbins Date with destiny and move it to the next year because we had a house that didn’t close. I felt let down to have to cancel, but it wasn’t the end of the world…and guess what? I met my husband at the seminar that was held next year. I bet you can think of a time when you had something not so great happen and something really good happened because of it. The universe has a way of making sure you get on the path you’re supposed to be on and sometimes it doesn’t go the way you think it would and that’s ok, it may just be the faster path like ripping the band-aid off.
The truth is you have complete control of how you feel. You don’t control some of your circumstances of course but you control how you deal with them, what meaning you give them.
Every single person you meet or run into including your own family. They have a life outside of you. Have you ever really thought about that? This includes your mom, your dad, your spouse, your child, your coworkers.
We are the center of our own universe, as it should be and likewise for everyone else.
So, our world revolves around us, what does that mean when we interact with other people because obviously they are the center of their own universe too.
Think about people you interact with daily. The waiter or waitress in the restaurant for example. They have a whole life and you are part of their day for a very small portion of it. Hopefully it will be a nice interaction and you go about your day and they go about theirs. I mean you can stand out by being either super nice and considerate or being super rude and making things difficult. My husband trains new pilots to fly in flight simulators. He has been there a while so he sees a lot of names. He always says if someone’s name stands out, it’s because they’re either really good or really bad. I think about that a lot.
Every person you interact with has a whole life of things they are dealing with and most of them have nothing to do with you. You’re a small part of it. Are you going to be a good part of it?
Some of You might be thinking, well that depends on them. It depends on if my food tastes good or comes on time or it depends how they treat me but you see that’s a trap you’re setting for yourself. You don’t control how anyone else acts, only how you do so depending on others to be a certain way is setting yourself up for a roller coaster of a day . Why don’t you just decide up front How you are going to show up in every interaction and if one pops up that isn’t great, take a couple deep breaths and maybe step away for a minute to regroup.
I called the paint store this week and asked if they had a sample of a certain paint color. The guy I was talking to was young but he said mam we don’t have one paint sample of anything in the store. It took me off guard because in my mind that was kind of crazy. You’re a paint store and you don’t have samples? So I asked how they were handling samples then and he said “that’s a very good question”. I laugh now thinking about it but at the time I was heading towards irritated but then I thought this is probably making his job life hard so instead of getting mad, I got curious. I asked if this was an after affect of COVID and let me tell you, he was ready and willing to tell me all about it. Yes COVID had a lot to do with it but their production is mainly in Texas so they still haven’t recovered from the freeze so no paint samples in the entire district and it’s been causing some heartache for everyone. He’s been dealing with upset people for a while and I wasn’t going to be one of them. So I asked if he could make a pint and he said he could do that. I think he was relieved that he could say yes to something. But my point is, he was very frustrated to begin with and it had absolutely nothing to do with me. I wasn’t about to make it worse, I just wanted to find a solution. The end result was going to be the same regardless I had to pay for a pint of paint instead of a much less expensive sample, but instead of me getting us both worked up, we ended up having a nice conversation and I went about my day and he went about his. Now, if there is a situation where you need to stand up for yourself because someone is obviously not handling something the way it should be, that is a totally different situation. Most of the time though, that isn’t the case. I would like to invent a little necklace card that says, “I’m having a bad day, so tread lightly” then you would know and act accordingly! But that isn’t going to happen so we just have to be prepared to be kind, calm and if a situation arises, take a few deep breaths before you jump in. You’ll never regret being kind even when someone isn’t being kind to you.
Tony Robbins tells a story of a man that was riding on the subway. He had 4 kids and they were running all around the subway car like little crazy people, running all around the other riders, while the man just kind of sat there watching them, not really keeping them quiet or making them calm down. Finally one woman had had enough and so she said to him in kind of a mean tone “you need to get control of your kids” which sort of seemed to wake him up out of his stopper and he said oh gosh I’m so sorry. Please forgive us. We just came from the hospital where their mom died and I’m a bit distracted but I’ll make sure to quiet them down. Can you imagine how that woman felt? Not that she did anything wrong, but it just tells you you have no idea what people are going through so always be gentle.
I heard that story years ago and it made such a profound impact on me. It isn’t often but when I do run into someone that’s having a bad day, I try my best to consider what they may be going through, maybe they got a ticket on the way to work, maybe they don’t have money to cover the car payment. Who knows.
So my challenge to you this week is to challenge yourself to find at least ONE time where you had a negative thought, situation or interaction and you turned it around. Don’t wait for something outside of you to change so that you feel better. And also, don’t leave your emotions hanging in the wind. Think about this phrase in any difficult situation…life is happening for me not for me…something good will come from this. And if it’s a not so great interaction with another human, remember you don’t know what they are dealing with so just decide right now that you will breathe and be kind regardless of what is going on. I love you guys and I will talk to you in a few days.
