Hi guys! Welcome to the 78th episode of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast!
So last weekend, we went to Lake Ouachita in Arkansas. This lake is so beautiful, clean and quiet. You can’t build homes directly on it, so it is also very private. Now, as I am recording this it is just turning chili and this last weekend was cold and cloudy!! When we normally visit this lake it is hot and we are enjoying the water skiing, swimming and all that but we decided on a different experience this time. Since it was cold we bundled up with our friends, took our cider and coffee in the morning for an early morning ride on the boat with the steam coming off the water and literally no-one out but a fisherman here and there. It was absolutely perfect. We did the same in the evenings but we had a glass of wine, responsibly of course, but same thing….. no sun and just really chilly. Now you may be wondering why I’m telling you this story.. but it got me thinking. You see, this lake is a 4 hour drive from us and oftentimes when we plan to come we are just praying for sun and warmth and hoping it isn’t cloudy and rainy. But you know what? This weekend the clouds and the cold actually made it so cozy and just so perfect. We felt like we were in Boston or Maine. You see it was all perspective. We expected it to be cloudy and cold and the fact that it was just enhanced our time. It was totally different but equally great. Had we been there in the summer and it was cloudy we may not have gotten out on the water who knows? We surely wouldn’t have enjoyed it the same way we did. But why? Same lake, same boat, same friends, just we all had a different expectation. It is just so true that our thoughts create our reality.
And as the world works…we were back home and as I started my week, I had an interview for my Wednesday Wisdom with Edmund Lowman, and this very topic came up. He framed it in a different way. It’s basically the same idea as your thoughts create your reality but worded differently. He said Event + reaction = outcome as opposed to Event = Outcome. Hear me out. For example that could look something like this….my dog chewed my new rug which ruined my day. So if you hadn’t been home and you didn’t know that your dog chewed your rug, would it still have ruined your day? NO because you didn’t know it happened, but that doesn’t change the fact that your dog chewed your rug. SO it’s not the event of your dog chewing your rug that ruined your day. It’s your thoughts about your dog chewing your rug that ruined your day. Does that make sense? You can replace this with any event. It’s always our thoughts that create the outcome. Had we been going into this last weekend with the same expectation of sunshine and warmth, we have always had, we would have been disappointed, but instead we went into not caring really one way or the other. We were glad to get away, be with friends, and the cold, cloudy weather made it even better.
How many things happen during the week that we make worse with our reaction? How many of our problems could be so much less dramatic if we looked at everything with an awareness of how our reaction affects it. And sometimes I know this is easier than others. Sometimes things happen and they seem like it is just the worst timing or the worst thing that could happen? How do you manage those situations with your thoughts? Earlier this year, we had booked a nice condo in Florida, right on the beach. We were taking our family and so we booked it out very early. We had family flying in from California and some driving from other parts of the country as well. Well 30 days before we were supposed to go, the owner emailed my husband and said “Because of Covid we are canceling all rentals for the next several months so we are sending your money back, at this time there were no lockdowns and Florida was wide open so it didn’t make a lot of sense. We were sort of in shock because it’s not easy to get a four bedroom place this late in the game. After sitting there kind of in a daze…. I looked at my husband and I said, you know what? Something better is waiting for us. There is a reason this happened, just wait and see. The next thing I know, he said “remember the house that we really wanted and loved? It was still available and I offered a lower price since it is late in the game and she accepted. Oh and by the way it had an extra bed and bath so we were able to invite another couple that we love and they added so much joy to our time there. So you see? We could have gotten mad and argued with the owner and tried to force something or we could have been upset for days but instead we just let it go and knew something better was waiting for us. Now we took action as well. And look, this new house was our first choice but it was way more than we wanted to spend so we passed it up and then we ended up in there anyway and the owner was super happy to have it rented and we were super happy to have a great price for a MUCH better place where we could share it with even more people that we love. Having an attitude that things are always working in your favor even when it seems like they may not be is a great way to live and it is also a very learnable thing.
This is kind of timely information and I did it on purpose, because as I’m recording this it’s a big moment for America. It’s election week and come Tuesday we will either be electing a new president or we will be reelecting our current president. Either way, there’s gonna be strong emotions on each side. This is not something we control individually. We can vote and then it’s out of our hands.
And I know many people that are having a lot of anxiety about it. Are you one of those people? Is there a way you can help yourself be ok no matter what the outcome is? I know that may seem hard to do. I choose to believe that either way, America will be ok and we will grow from whatever the result is. There is a natural ebb and flow and there are checks and balances in place. The statement Event + Reaction = Outcome is extremely relevant here.
And look, this could again be replaced with any event. It’s going to be your reaction to the event that determines the way your week goes. So if you are having an especially hard time with an event, let me give you a tip. Notice the words you use to describe how you may feel. Words are powerful when it comes to how we feel. Can you soften them? For instance if you are saying to yourself and anyone that will listen, that it will be catastrophic if this happens? That you will be devastated if this happens? You really are setting yourself up for the possibility of a really bad week.
So instead of those strong words….maybe replace it with…I will be disappointed if this event doesn’t go my way but it won’t be the end of the world and I will keep doing what I believe is best and right and therefore my world will be ok no matter what happens. Give yourself some support. Tell your brain what to do if something does not go your way or if something bad happens, train yourself to trust yourself. Train your brain to choose the emotions you want to have rather than letting it do what it will do if you let it and that is to be as dramatic as possible and create the worst case scenario and basically drive you crazy. Always remember, you can control your brain by being very aware of the thoughts and words you use.
My challenge to you this week is to recognize that what meaning you assign to events has everything to do with the outcome. This applies to anything that happens. Traffic jam? You can get angry and make it worse or you can turn on a positive podcast or happy music and choose to decide you will make the best of it. Dog chews your rug? You wanted a new rug anyway or you can just flip the rug and maybe change the layout of your furniture which makes you love the room more…..election doesn’t go the way you want it? Maybe it drives you to talk to someone about your anxiety and you end up solving some long unaddressed issues that makes you an all around happier person. I know that may seem like a stretch but giving ourselves permission to feel better or feel ok regardless of what is going on is crucial to our overall happiness. Things aren’t always going to go your way but you can ALWAYS grow from it or gain from it if you ask the right question…how can this work out in my favor? That IS how the world works. If you believe it is working for you, it is. If you believe it is working against you, it is. So which would you rather have? Think about it and maybe listen to this a few times and Im sure I will get a few emails but I want to hear from you so email me at heidi@heididawson.com. In the meantime, soften your words, be aware of the meaning you are assigning to the events of your life and most of all….don’t forget to decide to have a great week regardless of what is going on. I love you and I’ll talk to you in a few days.
