Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 314 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! Good to be with you as always. I had this weird thing when I was a kid where I wouldn’t let my hand hang over the edge of my bed in case something was under there and grabbed it.
When you were a kid, did you ever worry about some kind of something being in the closet or under your bed?
But here’s the thing. I never had any reason to think something was under my bed. I didn’t have ptsd from something being in my past that had happened so it was something completely made up.
Once the morning came, it was clear there was nothing under there, and my fear was for nothing.
I still do that sometimes, but now I do it with grown up things.
Whether it’s with having a hard conversation with someone or finding a weird looking mole on your chest. We have a tendency to create things in our head of what bad things could possibly happen only to find out that well, they aren’t so bad at all, at least not as bad as we created in our head.
When Covid was going strong. We have friends that were really terrified. Legitimately so, there were people that were really sick but also the news thrives on scaring people, so eventually we realized that some of the hype was blown way out of proportion. One of my friends was having anxiety attacks because she was so worried about her sweet mother who is elderly getting it, but then the monster called Covid showed up and they all tested positive. Her sweet elderly mother wouldn’t have even known she was sick but for them making her test because she had been exposed. The monster that was created in her head that probably took years off her life, ended up being a sniffle for her and her husband and no symptoms at all for her mother.
We do this though, we all do.
I had one of my annual check ups come back unusual a few years ago and so I had to get more tests done to see if it was something bad. Let me tell you. Those 2 weeks it took to get those results were hard. I created just about every scenario in my head and none of them were good. I imagined people being at my funeral. You know really optimistic thoughts. But everything came back just perfectly normal.
We create monsters in our head all the time.
What if I lose my job?
What if the stock market tanks?
What if I have cancer?
What if my partner leaves me?
What if my loved one dies?
What if they stop loving me?
We create all of these awful mystical monsters. And the truth is. Some of these things might happen. But you putting yourself in a position to be a victim to things is not empowering. Bad things will happen. But so will good things. And either way you’re going to get on the other side of it and you are going to be ok.
My older sister Heather who just lost her husband ran into one of her dear friends. Her friend was carrying her little grandson and she asked her how often she gets to see him and she said, he lives with us full time now. His young mother died in a car accident last week. You see, her friend over the last few years has lost a son, a s newborn grandson and now the mother of her other grandson. That’s a lot of tragedy and loss. Heather asked her how she was managing. And she said you know what . Regardless of what happens, life moves on and you have to keep going. Isn’t that true though, life does go on.
There are real monsters out there. BUT
The monsters in your head live there with your permission, which means you can tame them. You can find ways to weaken them. You can actually even find ways to not have them at all if you’re willing to put in the work.
One of those big monsters that I have learned to tame is the thought what if my family stops talking to me. (This is constant work by the way) That is one that could happen, that’s a monster that could come to life. But me thinking about it ahead of time only makes it real NOW. It also makes it more likely that I create him to become real later. Because when you’re scared you build walls or isolate. When you build walls in fact you are isolating. SO, when I isolate myself from my family, well then, I’ve created my own worst monster haven’t I? I was worried they would stop talking to me but instead I creating an environment where I stopped talking to them instead. How dumb is that? But we will justify it and defend it to make ourself feel better. When it never had to happen in the first place. I created that monster and since I realized it I have tamed him and now I start to notice when Im allowing him to visit and I put him back in his place. So how does that look? It looks like acknowledging that Im going to have thoughts when my family does things without me and that’s ok. It looks like acknowledging that I don’t even want to be involved in some of their outings because I know every conversation will be around the religion and I am not going to be adding anything to that and that is also ok.
Acknowledge where you’re creating monsters in advance. And be gentle with yourself when you do that.
My challenge to you this week is to notice when you’re letting your head run away with scary thoughts of things that might or might not happen. Worrying doesn’t help your future, but it will steal your present. I love you guys Ill talk to you in a few days.
