Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 350 of The Wildly successful Lifestyle Podcast!
So I am back from a really beautiful 2 weeks in Europe, 7 nights in Positano, Italy, and 5 nights in London. That’s how I rang in my 50th birthday. Not too shabby. For some reason, I love that I’m 50. There’s something so cool about it. It feels really good. I feel like I have a fresh new start to the next 50 years. In fact, I journaled that the next 50 years is Heidi 2.0 and Heidi 2.0 has upgrades that are amazing and also fixed some of the bugs that Heidi 1.0 had. I encourage you to try seeing what the 2.0 version of you would be like….and don’t worry, I’m going to do an entire podcast on that coming up. I think you’ll like it and it doesn’t matter how old you are, you will be able to use it.
But on to today’s topic. Have you ever been unhappy? What a question, right? Of course you have. We all have and probably we all have ranges of unhappy to happy every single day. It’s part of our human experience. But I had some real downtime to think over the last few weeks and I realized some big things about the times when I felt a little unhappy and just what was going on in my head to cause it. Notice I said what’s happening in my head to cause it because a Lot of us think it’s because someone else did something or didn’t do something that is the reason we are unhappy, nope….it’s all about what’s going on in your own head. It’s all about you and what you’re focusing on.
I’ll give you an example. I have a big immediate family. There are 5 of us siblings and both of my parents are still healthy and active for which Im grateful. So as I was saying earlier my 50th birthday was on a Sunday while we were in London. Now, my mom and dad and two of my sisters don’t celebrate birthdays because of religion so birthdays were never a big deal growing up but we do usually acknowledge each other on our birthdays. So Im having an amazing time for my birthday, how could you not in Molly, my big sister and my mom all sent me texts but I hadn’t heard from my dad or my brother, I know my other sister isn’t going to acknowledge it because she never has for 50 years so I don’t expect her to start now, but everyone else usually does. So here I am feeling a little hurt because Im focusing on something that isn’t making me feel good. I have so many things to focus on that are amazing but Im not choosing those things, Im choosing to think about things that are making me feel a little down. It’s not my brother or my dad hurting my feelings, it’s me. And look. You may be thinking well you have the right to feel bad if your dad and brother don’t acknowledge your birthday and yes, Im human so Im going to notice it, but I do not have to allow myself to dwell on it and make me sad. I can say I wish they would have but they didn’t so what can I think right now that makes me not feel sad? Well how about focusing on the people that DID instead of the people that DIDNT? Now side note…my brother came through a day late and it was kind of fun to get an unexpected birthday wish after the fact. I get to decide how I think about things.
You see, When we are feeling unhappy it’s often because we are focusing on what we don’t want instead of focusing on what we do. Or we are focusing on what we don’t have instead of focusing on what we do. And
A lot of times when we are mad at someone else or blaming someone else for our unhappiness, it’s because we are focusing on what they didn’t do instead of the good things that they do do.
My baby sister Molly was telling me she talked to one of her best friends this week, they have been friends since they were in their first year of college so for over 10 years. Now they live in different cities and live very different lives but when they connect, it’s like nothing ever changed. But you see Molly knows that she is going to be the one that reaches out, she will be the one that makes the phone call to connect. She said for a minute she was thinking, man I would love to talk to my friend, I wish she would call me, but then she thought, wait a minute, I would love to talk to my friend, so why would I not just call her and that’s what she did and they had a wonderful conversation and her friend told her I hope you never stop calling because I know Im not good at it and I love talking to you always.
Molly could be hurt because her friend never calls but she knows it’s not because she doesn’t love her. You see she isn’t focusing on what her friend doesn’t do, she’s focusing on what she does do which is always be there for her if she needs it and is a bright spot in her life…she recognizes there are connectors and there are those that are just happy to connect when someone reaches out. Everyone one of us plays a role. You may be the connector, don’t ever stop being that….take it from someone who isn’t necessarily a connector, those of us that aren’t big connectors love those of you that are. Where can you improve your own happiness by focusing on something positive instead of something negative?
This works with every single area of your life. Your husband is going to not do things you wish he would. Nagging him isn’t going to fix that. Noticing and thanking him and dwelling on the things he does well will go a much longer way than nagging him for things he doesn’t do well. Same thing goes for the kids, our parents, our friends, our coworkers, anyone you’re interacting with!
And look, If something is really important to you and you really want someone to do something, you better make sure they know it. Otherwise they have to try to read your mind and we aren’t good at that so now we drop the ball and are in trouble and aren’t even sure why.
The point is we are each in control of our own happiness. Tony Robbins always says “What’s wrong is always available and so is what’s right”. Our auto pilot brain looks for the drama and the negative, that’s just how it is and that’s why so many of us are running around unhappy a lot of the time. So we have to be intentional because that’s when we stop and say, wait a minute, this isn’t feeling good to think this thought. I didn’t want to ruin my birthday by being upset about who didn’t acknowledge it, that’s actually really silly. Once I realized that, I just focused on how happy it made me to hear from the ones who did.
My challenge to you is when you’re feeling unhappy, take a step back and ask “what is it that Im focusing on right now because it doesn’t feel good”. It’s always about your thoughts. A lot of times you’ll find there’s a flip side where you can tell yourself “wait a minute, look at all the things he does do right, or Look at all the people who did wish me happy birthday, or even acknowledging that hey, I never made it clear that’s important to me, so next time I will be sure they know.” Giving other people grace is one of the best things you can do for your own happiness, the other best thing is giving yourself grace. It’s a short trip we have on this earth, being happy for a majority of it is more within our control than we have ever been taught. Share this with 3 people who have shown you grace, I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days.
