Hi guys! Welcome to episode 491 of the wildly successful lifestyle podcast! How are you guys? Are you living a life you love? Or if you aren’t do you at least know that you can? It’s true. And most of the time it doesn’t even take a big change to your circumstances, it just has to be a change in you which is completely doable. Keep hanging with me twice a week and we will do it together.
Ok, There’s not one of us that has lived a life free of mistakes. We all make them and when we make them we deal with the consequences usually immediately. But then for some of us our human tendency is to beat ourselves up over and over by reliving the mistake in our head or beating ourself up with the language we use about ourself in regards to the mistake even if it was years ago, we will still do things through the filter of that mistake. If we don’t let our past go it often becomes a weapon we use against ourself. If you think about it the past can be the source of a lot of pain in so many areas.
We went to our favorite lake this past weekend. It’s lake outchita. It’s the second cleanest lake in the country and it’s secluded and quiet and surrounded by trees and rock walls. It’s so beautiful. We went with some good friends of ours. We have spent many weekends at that lake with them, a lot of which involved their kids when they were younger. We have lots of really good memories. But this time it was just the 4 of us and we had such a wonderful time, the weather was unbelievable!! At one point one of our friends looked lost in thought and I asked him what was on his mind and he said “ I was just thinking about all the times we used to come down here and we would have a ton of kids with us.” We reminisced for a little bit about some of those stories. Not in a bad way but in a fun way, he wasn’t sad, he was just remembering. It made me think about how a lot of times when we dwell on the past if we allow ourselves to long for it, it makes us sad. But, Memories are gifts as long as we don’t discount where we are now making the past seem better than the present. I love that we are making new memories in a place where we have a lot of fond memories from the past. The past doesn’t have to be painful unless we dwell on it as being better than the now moment. That’s a sure way to make yourself feel sad.
Ive done it. Growing up we would always go as a family hiking and it was just one of the most fun things we would do as a family hiking in fall creek falls. Well the first time Eric and I went there and we weren’t with my family I found myself feeling really sad because I just kept thinking about the times with my family. Instead of focusing on the present and the people that were with us at the moment I was in my head about the past which was making me sad almost to the point of crying. It took me a little work but I eventually shifted my thoughts and we had a great time. But it was all about me changing because the circumstances were not changing. My family wasn’t on that trip and weren’t going to be so I had to shift my thoughts about the reality I was in. Which I did. And look there are obviously times you will feel sad and of course it makes sense…
When this weekend was over and we were leaving to head back home, as we were pulling away from the cabin I said to Eric “I feel sad”. To which he laughed and said “I do too”. A lot of times when we are packing up and heading home after a fun trip it does feel sad. And we just let ourselves feel that for a moment and I realized that is a real feeling and we have to let ourselves feel real feelings…these are authentic in the moment feelings that given a chance to be felt will dissipate pretty quickly. but what we don’t want to do is create sad feelings by dwelling on the past or agonizing about the future.
Those are two things that can really rob us of happiness. Dwelling on the past and worrying about the future.
And we do it a lot. It’s as if our brains were wired to do it. And for some of us they are but we can change that by noticing that thought pattern and breaking it. So just like I was saying earlier that I love that we are making new memories in a place where we have lots of old fond memories. That’s a positive way to acknowledge the past without dwelling on or attaching a negative thought about it.
As humans it is so Normal to have emotions and feeling sad is one of those emotions. There are times when of course it’s appropriate to feel sad but what we don’t want to do is live there and often the only way we can live there is by dwelling on the past. Whether it’s reliving and beating ourself up for a past mistake or dwelling on past memories to the point that it makes us sad.
I’ve learned enough now that if I’m feeling sad I ask myself what am I focusing on and a lot of times it’s some past or future worry or some comparison I’m making but all of that is usually just in my head and when I acknowledge that and shift my thinking it’s so much easier to be happy in the moment.
I read recently and I didn’t know this before but that every person whether they know it or not or whether they like it or not have faith, it’s just that some have faith in fear and some have faith in love. Where is your faith? It’s a question I know I’m pondering.
My challenge to you this week is to notice when your thoughts are taking you somewhere in the past and maybe that’s why you’re struggling to be happy. Sad feelings are a part of life but living there is a choice and it’s often a choice made by dwelling on the past. Share this with 3 people who bring up fond memories for you. I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days.
