Hi guys! Welcome to episode 609 of the wildly successful lifestyle podcast! I’m Heidi and I’m super happy you’re here if you’re a regular listener it means you haven’t been scared away by my over sharing sometimes. If you’re new, I just know we are gonna become fast friends. Because even though we only maybe get to spend 10 minutes together twice a week, those ten minutes are very quality time because we’re making each other better, holding each other accountable and also remind ourselves we aren’t alone in the way we think for the most part. So you’re just the kind of friend I love so thanks for being here.
I read something this week that seemed a little too technical for me but it rang so true that I wanted to explore it a little bit and as I did that I realized why it had an impact on me. The line was:
“Your body is the hardware, your brain is the operating system, and we have to constantly upgrade that operating system.”
Now I’m not techie really but I feel like I’ve heard a million versions of that idea, but for some reason this one landed differently. Maybe because it felt less like a motivational quote and more like a quiet fact.
We all know (if we’re being honest) that our brains default to negative first. I’ve talked about negativity bias on here before; it’s not new information. Back in the day it kept us from getting eaten by something with teeth. Today it just keeps us replaying the one slightly awkward thing we said in a meeting.
I know all of that intellectually. What I didn’t fully realize is how often it’s still running in the background, even when I think I’ve got it handled.
The place I’ve started seeing it most clearly is my morning routine (which, by the way, is the single non-negotiable thing that keeps me sane and happy). If you’ve listened for a while, you know what it looks like: meditation with two pups in my lap, coffee, and then a few minutes where I analyze yesterday and lightly plan today.
In those few minutes I always do the same two-step review:
1. What went well yesterday.
2. What could I have improved.
And I always, always force myself to start with the “went well” part. I decided a long time ago that I wasn’t opening the day with criticism.
Here’s what I only recently noticed: I’ll get about three things in (did my morning routine, ate real food, walked the dogs, whatever), and right around the third one my brain slides in with the quiet “yeah, but…”
you ate four of those cookies your sister-in-law sent home, and then you spent twenty-five minutes on X spiraling about politics, so… nice try, you’re not as positive as you think….wait what?! I thought we were doing the good stuff first!
It’s not even mean. It’s just instant. The wins barely finish the sentence before the exceptions line up.
I used to let it happen. I’d think, “Fine, balance. Credit and critique.” Lately, though, I’ve started catching it in real time, really noticing it. When something like that shows up where I notice it big time…I do what I always do…I ask myself the question…..”What is this trying to teach me?”
The answer I got was this and it’s a doozy…
If my brain is this quick to flip negative first thing in the morning (when I’m rested, calm, and literally doing a practice built around noticing the good), what is it doing at three in the afternoon when I’m hungry, in traffic, and someone sends a text that can be read ten different ways?
What it’s doing is the exact same thing. Just quieter, faster, and with zero awareness on my part. And when you have zero awareness that’s when it starts affecting your mood, you’re grumpy and you don’t know why, you get mad at the little old lady in front of you because she doesn’t go fast enough when the light turns green. You know nice things.
That’s when I realized: the operating system still needs an update. A deliberate one.
So I started doing this thing, same thing I intentionally do in the morning when the negative jumps I and it’s been really effective.
Anytime I notice negative thoughts pop up quickly in response to something, I break the pattern by thinking of three great things going on right now. So for instance yesterday this little lady was kind of blocking the way of my parking spot because she was on her phone, I noticed I got irritated kind of quickly, but I caught it and I quickly thought 3 good thoughts…she’s out and about and I love that, she may be lost and is needing help oh and I do love her car, it was a cute little compact car. Just 3 quick things, it gave her time to see me and she started laughing and shaking her head and she said I’m so sorry! To which I was tripping over myself to say oh my goodness no problem at all. You’re fine.
This is an especially good thing to do this time of year because it’s the holiday season and people were not out here to irritate you. They’re not thinking about you at all. They’re distracted, excited for the holidays and trying to keep up just the same as you and me.
So this new little rule works well in the morning…I am not allowed to name a single thing I’d do differently until I have three specific things that went well. Three to one. Every morning. No exceptions.
If the cookie voice tries to cut in line, I stop, finish the three wins (sometimes out loud so I can’t cheat), and only then do I let the critique have the mic.
We are the only ones in charge of our operating system and unless you want to live on never ending autopilot, that operating system needs to be updated regularly. I feel like meditation, journaling and going over my day prior and how my current day is going to go is doing that update nicely. So far so good.
Maybe try the three to one thing. When you notice a negative thought, immediately break in front of it and rattle off three good things you can think about right now.
For me at first it felt a little clunky. My brain was not thrilled about the new permission structure. After a little time though, I was doing it automatically in the middle of the day.
I’ll be driving, or in the middle of a store or maybe just cleaning the kitchen, and maybe I have a negative thought pop up and before I even decide to, a calmer voice shows up and says, “Three things that are actually fine first.” And suddenly there’s space to choose my reaction instead of just running the default program.
I’m not trying to become someone who never sees what needs improving. I still look at the cookies and the wasted time and the sharp text I maybe should’ve re-read. I just decided the first voice I listen to every day isn’t going to be the critic.
If you relate to any of this (and I’m guessing most of you do), try the 3-to-1 rule for seven mornings. That’s it. Seven. See if anything shifts.
You don’t have to make it a big thing. Just upgrade the operating system one quiet morning at a time.
Share this with 1 person who shares your love of growth. I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days!
