Hi guys! welcome to Episode 617 Wildly Successful Lifestyle. It’s Heidi and I’m grateful for each and every one of you. Especially right now as the year is coming to an end and a new year is starting. The holidays are in full swing. The holidays…can sometimes bring a bit of anxiety and often there’s not even a real reason.
This last week, I woke up with this low-level, nagging anxiety kind of hanging around in the background. The kind that’s not dramatic or obvious — just this quiet hum that makes everything feel a little off. And the funny thing? On paper, nothing was wrong. Gifts were wrapped, Christmas Eve dinner was planned (I just had to cook it), everyone was healthy… yet there it was. I shouldn’t be having anxiety!
So along with my normal morning routine, I pulled out my journal, which I haven’t used in a while, and started writing whatever came up. No filter, just pure brain dump, whatever came up I wrote it down.
And… once I got going, I saw it pretty clearly where the anxiety was stemming from. Pretty much all of that it was completely self-created. I was spending all this mental energy trying to manage everyone else’s feelings — like I had some kind of magical control over them. We do that don’t we? Take responsibility for things that aren’t ours to take?
My brother had asked me for help choosing a Christmas gift for his wife. I helped pick it out and make sure it’s perfect just like he wanted, and suddenly I’m finding myself worrying: “What if she doesn’t like it? What if it’s not her style? Whats if it’s not what she really wanted? Then it’ll somehow be my fault.”
Later that day he called and I missed it. Couldn’t reach him when I called back. Immediate thought: “Oh no, something’s wrong. Is he okay?” Is he having problems at work? Is he stressed? Why would he call so early and then not answer?
Then another thing my baby sister was coming into town that afternoon, but I had a hair and nail appointment booked — you know unavoidable maintenance. And of course my brain decided: “She’s going to be upset that I’m not free the second she arrives. She’ll feel neglected.”
I could keep going — there were more — but I don’t want to give you anxiety just listening to mine!
Here’s the thing: none of it was real. Not a single one of those scenarios was actually happening. They were all stories I was writing in my head — future problems that felt so vivid in the moment, but were 100% invented.
As I kept journaling, it really sank in how often we do this. We borrow trouble from tomorrow, or from other people’s emotions, and carry it around like it’s our responsibility.
I call it emotional management overload — trying to predict and control how everyone else is going to feel. But we don’t have that power. And the truth is, we’re not supposed to.
I’m not responsible for my sister-in-law’s reaction to her gift.
When my brother doesn’t answer the phone, it’s not my responsibility to rack my Brian to figure out why. And….
I’m not responsible for making sure my baby sister never feels even a twinge of inconvenience.
This habit usually comes from a really good place — we care. We want people to be happy, seen, and loved. That’s beautiful. But when we start believing it’s our job to guarantee everyone else’s emotional experience, we end up anxious and exhausted for no reason.
The holidays make it worse, don’t they? We want everything to feel magical for everyone we love. But the real magic happens when we show up present and kind — and then let go of the outcome.
That morning, just noticing what I was doing — naming it out loud on the page — started to loosen its grip. The anxiety didn’t disappear instantly, but it lost its power because it wasn’t rooted in reality anymore. It was just a thought pattern I’d fallen into.
That simple journaling session shifted everything for me. The rest of the day felt lighter, Christmas turned out lovely, and — surprise — no one’s feelings fell apart because of a gift, a missed call, or a nail appointment. None of those things were problems at all. For me I used to do this a lot more than I do now, and I’m especially glad I have all the tools that I do because journaling made it glaringly obvious why I was feeling that way. Sometimes when we can’t put our finger on the problem, it helps to get everything out of our head and onto paper.
So my challenge to you this week:
The next time you feel that quiet underlying anxiety — the kind with no obvious cause — pause and ask yourself one gentle question:
“Am I making this up? Am I trying to manage someone else’s feelings right now?”
Just notice. You don’t have to fix anything. You just need to notice and maybe name it and see what happens. You don’t have to journal ten pages. Sometimes one paragraph will do. I promise — more often than not, the anxiety will start to soften on its own.
Share this with someone else who has a beautiful heart I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days!
