Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 574 of the wildly successful lifestyle podcast! I’m Heidi and I am glad you’re here. The idea of living a wildly successful life starts and ends right in the confine of our own little head. It doesn’t matter how big your bank account is if you don’t have peace of mind. And It doesn’t matter what car you drive if you don’t have peace in your heart. We like all those things but we also know that we are supposed to be having fun while we are building our little empires whether that is our family or our career and that’s why I love to talk about mindset.
Growing up I would watch Mr Rogers. Did you guys ever watch that little show? Looking back it’s so wholesome. Do we have things like that anymore where we teach kids wholesome ideas? I hope so. Anyway, sometimes on the show Mr. Rogers would visit The Brown’s marionette Theatre. I always loved that part too where the little actors were on strings run by people above them that you didn’t see. But anytime a string was pulled they would dance or move their hands or their head exactly as the marionettist directed. Every time they made a move so did the marionette. Obviously because they were pulling their strings. As a kid I found that entertaining that they were able to evoke all of these emotions and movements and dances just by pulling on certain strings. As an adult however I think about those marionettes as a really good example of what can happen when we struggle to control our own emotions based on someone else’s actions or certain events that are out of our control.
I started thinking about this because we were talking to a friend who was telling us about yet another time their day was ruined by someone whose customer service was lacking. They had decided to donate some of their things to Goodwill, feeling good about it going to people in need, but when they pulled up where they usually help you unload, the young man basically said “just put it all over there”. No “thank you” or “let me help you” just a sort of dismissal and in our friends mind, a rude one at that. So what started as a thought of doing good turned into a disappointment and a frustration for him. This was the second time he told us the story, which means it’s bothered him for several days.
How many of us have had that though where someone we are dealing with maybe a waitress or a cashier is rude seemingly for no reason? I’m gonna go out on a limb and say all of us.
The question then is “Are we going to let them pull our strings?”
We have a little cafe around the corner that we LOVE, but we didn’t always love it. It’s owned by a guy who is from New York and has what I like to think of as a “New York Attitude”. Which at first in the south, comes off as short, Kurt, maybe a bit rude. And that’s how I took him at first. We even didn’t go for probably a year after our first time because we thought he was so rude. But then someone wanted to meet there for lunch and so I agreed. Same Owner, same New York attitude, and surprisingly all the same people that worked there before were still there, which tells me they like it and he’s a good boss. That’s interesting, then when I was up to order..he said to me “you must live close, I see you running every day”. To which I said , yes right down the street, he shook his head and said well, you run enough for both of us and I really appreciate it. We both had a little chuckle and then he abruptly said “what are ya having?” I realized he’s not rude, that’s just his demeanor. Instantly I stopped being irritated. It’s been years now and we go there probably once a week and he’s just the best even though he does still have a New York attitude and I love it. You see it’s all about our perception and how we perceive things. Especially when it’s a stranger who comes off as rude, they don’t even know you so it can’t be personal.
I was listening to a podcast the other day with Sahil Bloom. It was really good, he was on the Amy Porterfield podcast. He wrote the book “5 types of wealth”. Which I just ordered. I always say “once a book is brought to my attention for a 3rd time, it’s the Universe suggesting I read it”. So I ordered it. Anyway, he posted on X the other day telling a quick story about a monk goes out on a boat in a small lake to meditate. After a few hours of uninterrupted silence, he suddenly feels the jarring impact of another boat bumping into his. While he does not open his eyes, he feels irritation and anger building within him.
“Why would someone do that? Can’t they see me here? How dare they disturb my meditation?”
He opens his eyes, ready to shout at the person in the other boat, only to realize that it is empty. It had come untied from the dock and was floating in the middle of the lake. In that moment, his anger and frustration disappears. After all you cannot b angry at an empty boat. Sahil goes on to say “The story offers a powerful ;lesson, which I call the Empty Boat Mindset:
In life you’re going to experience countless collisions. With people. With environments. With chance circumstances outside your control. Each of these collisions will threaten to derail you. To stoke the fire of anger, stress, and frustration. To knock you off your path.
The truth is that the negative emotions that grow inside you are rarely from the collision itself, but from your perception of the negative intent behind the collision.
If you convince yourself that every collision is a deliberate action by a bad actor, negative emotions will control your life. In other words, your interpretation of the collision creates your own poison.
The empty boat mindset is the reminder that most of these collisions you experience in life are with an empty boat. There is no negative intent. There is no desire to harm. They are simply the random collision of objects floating along on the lake of life. When you embrace the Empty boat mindset, you reassume control over your own boat. You’re no longer prone to the spiraling emotional effects of chance collisions. You are a seasoned explorer, ready to adapt to whatever the seas throw your way.
I think of this as just another way to think about things in order to maintain a level of peace in our heart and peace of mind. It reminds me to not take things personally. Because what someone else does is not about me, it’s only about them. And yes, that kid at Goodwill could have been trained a little better and could have had a servant attitude, which one might expect when you’re at a donation place. But that’s not what our friend got that day. He couldn’t control how nice that guy was gonna be, but he could control whether that was going to ruin his day or not. But unfortunately that rude guy pulled his strings that day, which for all practical purposes made him a puppet and that guy was the puppeteer. And guess what, I’ve been there too. People have and still do pull my strings. But with more and more focus on mindset and thoughts I now notice when I’m letting someone affect me. And because I have a deep desire to maintain a certain level of peace in my life, I notice if I’m starting to get a little irritated and I try to figure out why. I will say I often won’t notice someone being rude, even when others do, but also if someone is rude, I try to create a little story in my head about what could possibly be the reason. Maybe they just lost their job, their mom just passed away, their girlfriend just broke up with them. Stories that give me empathy for them instead of making their attitude all about me, which gives them power over my emotions, basically pulling my strings, allowing myself to be a puppet. I don’t want that. And I don’t think you do either.
Sometimes things resonate in different ways, I think we have two really good tools here to use when we notice we are letting someone else pull our strings. We have to learn how to cut those strings and one of the ways is to adopt that empty boat mindset. When you feel the tug of irritation, stop for 10 seconds and inhale deeply then exhale slowly. This breaks the automatic reaction. Second, question your story: Ask yourself, is this really about me or am I getting angry at an empty boat, maybe you cold reframe it at the same time by imagining they are dealing with their own storm. And third, redirect your energy. Choose a positive action, like smiling anyway. My husband will often ask someone how their day’s going when it seems they are having a rough day. It works like a charm, they are usually confused that he’s asking but that breaks up their pattern of thought and normally they answer it, maybe a little awkwardly but more times than not, they thank him for asking. I’ve seen him do it many times.
Imagine the peace we would cultivate, not just for ourselves but rippling out to others if we tried this for just one week. My challenge for you this week is “don’t be a puppet on a string and certainly don’t get angry at an empty boat. Take back your power one collision at a time. Share this with three people who are looking for more peace in their life. I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days!
