Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 589 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast, I’m Heidi, and I’m glad you’re here. Have you ever had one of those little misunderstandings that can turn a perfectly good day upside down. You know the ones: a text that lands wrong, a joke that flops, or a comment that hits like a brick. But what if I told you most of the time, it’s not malice, it’s just… misfire? But our brains want to think it’s malice because it’s wired to notice the negative. I wish it didn’t but that’s what it does, so we have to combat that with awareness. I know because I find myself bumping into my negative thoughts around other people quite a bit. In fact it happened recently…..
We had visitors a few weeks ago, some of our very best friends popping in for the weekend, and oh man, we had a wonderful time. Laughter, good food, the works. Once they left, I realized they’d forgotten their charger cords for their iPhones – you know, the nice long ones, like six feet or something, the good kind that actually reach across the room without you having to contort like a pretzel. And on the end of one, our friend – we all call him Bubba – had written his name: “Bubba.” Adorable, right?
Well, it just so happens Bubba’s cord fit my iPhone perfectly because we rock the same phones. They live somewhere between Nashville and Hilton Head, so it’s gonna be a hot minute before they’re swinging back through Memphis. So, what does your girl do? I grab a Sharpie, cross out “Bubba,” write “Heidi” in its place, add this little evil smiley face for flair, snap a pic, and text it to both of them. I’m thinking, “This is gonna crack them up!” You know, friendly theft vibes – joking that they’re mine now.
But… I get a text back from him, and it’s dead serious: “Yes, I left both of the cords there. We will get them later.” That’s it. No emoji, no laugh, nothing about my hilarious joke. And for a split second, y’all, my feelings got a tiny bit hurt. Like, “Ouch, Bubba did NOT think that was funny!” But immediately, I noticed I was creating thoughts about it and so I shook it off because I reminded myself that This is so out of character for him – he lives for a good joke. He’s probably just busy, knee-deep in whatever adventure they’re on. So, I let it go, didn’t think another thing about it.
Fast forward a couple hours, and I get a text from her: “Hey, Bubba left both of our cords there – don’t worry about it. We’re just gonna order two new ones, so you can keep them, throw them away, whatever.” Perfect! So I fire back the pic again: “I know I sent this to both of you, but this time, zoom in.” A few minutes later: “OMG, you just made us both laugh so hard out loud now!” Now – THAT’S the reaction I wanted! Turns out, he didn’t zoom in; he just saw the cord and thought, “Yep, that’s mine. Left it. No biggie, I’ll grab it later.” In my mind, I’d jumped to “Oh, he didn’t appreciate my joke,” but nope – he never even saw the joke. You have to zoom in to spot where I scratched out Bubba’s name and wrote “Heidi” with a little evil smiley. He had zero reason to know to zoom in.
And here’s the lightbulb moment that hit me like a ton of joy-bricks: What if a majority of the time we get our feelings hurt by another person, it’s just a huge misunderstanding? Not shade, nota snub, not personal attack – just wires crossed in the chaos of life. Think about it. How many times have you replayed a conversation in your head, building a whole drama around it, only to find out later it was nothing? In my wildly successful lifestyle – and yours too, I bet – these mix-ups are everywhere. With partners, friends, family, even colleagues. But the good news? Once you spot the pattern, you can flip the script and turn potential heartbreak into hilarious “aha!” moments.
So, why do these misunderstandings happen so often? because understanding the “why” is half the battle to living that wildly successful, drama-free life. From what I’ve learned – and trust me, I’ve had my share of therapy sessions and self-reflection journals – a lot of it boils down to how our brains are wired. Psychologists call some of these sneaky thought traps “cognitive distortions.” Like, mind-reading: We assume we know what someone else is thinking without asking. “Oh, they didn’t text back fast enough – they must be mad at me!” Sound familiar? Or personalization: Taking something neutral and making it all about you, like “That short reply means they don’t value my joke.” These are super common in relationships, and they can turn a simple oversight into a full-blown feud.
And don’t get me started on assumptions – the silent killer of good vibes. We all do it because our brains love shortcuts, but those shortcuts often lead straight to hurt feelings. Past experiences play a huge role too. If you’ve been burned before, your radar for rejection goes into overdrive, coloring everything through a filter of “Here we go again.” Cultural differences, stress, even text tones (because who hasn’t misread sarcasm in an emoji?) – they all stack up. The result? What was meant as casual becomes a catastrophe in our heads. But here’s the empowering truth: Most people aren’t out to get us. They’re just human, juggling their own wild lives, same as you and me.
I mean, in my story, Bubba wasn’t dismissing me – he was probably driving, or golfing or maybe just enjoying dinner with his beautiful wife, that’s just it, it had nothing to do with me. I created the drama because it never occurred to me that you had to zoom in to get the joke. And when his wife did zoom in on it? Pure gold. It reminds me that 9 times out of 10, the “offense” is just poor communication or mismatched expectations. Studies show misunderstandings like this erode trust if left unchecked, leading to resentment and distance. But flip it with curiosity instead of conclusion-jumping, and you build bridges instead of walls.
And look, We’ve all been on both sides. The one feeling snubbed and the one accidentally snubbing. Remember that time with your partner when you thought they were ignoring your hint about date night, but they were swamped at work and didn’t catch it? Or with a friend who ghosted your invite, only to apologize later because life exploded? These aren’t red flags; they’re just life. The key to a wildly successful lifestyle? Pausing before you pounce. That quick gut-check I did after Bubba’s text? Game-changer. Instead of stewing, ask yourself: “Is this out of character? What’s the full picture?” It saves so much emotional energy.
And let’s talk bigger picture – in romantic relationships especially, these mix-ups can snowball if we let emotional baggage tag along. Like, if insecurity whispers “They’re pulling away,” suddenly a forgotten cord becomes a symbol of doom. But no! Psychology backs this: Active listening and seeking clarification aren’t just nice-to-haves; they’re trust-builders. One expert tip I love? Never try to read someone’s mind. 9 out of 10 times you’re wrong.
So, before you react, zoom in – literally and figuratively! Like with that cord, get the full view before reacting. Communication helps more than just about anything….so When something stings, maybe just mention it, kindly and curiously. “I could have said “hey! Did you zoom in on that picture??? But the other thing that is sometimes missing and Eric is so good at this and has taught me to work on this more than anything and that is to build the muscle of assuming the best. Most people are rooting for you, just like you’re rooting for them. So, If you’re gonna assume something, assume the best. Always, work on assuming the best. That is not what our brains are going to innately, which is why we have to build that muscle.
In the end, misunderstandings can be really great teachers. If we learn from them hopefully we won’t have the same misunderstanding twice. That’s the wildly successful way, learning as we go. It frees up space for more joy, deeper bonds, and less needless drama. So next time your feelings get a tiny bruise, remember Bubba’s cord: Zoom in, check the context, and choose connection. Your relationships – and your heart – will thank you.
Share this with 3 people who could possibly ever misunderstand or be misunderstood. I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days!
