Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 613 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! I hope this finds you excited for something you have coming up! If you don’t have anything exciting coming up well get to planning something that gives you something to look forward to. Just a little thing I’ve noticed for Eric and me, it’s fun to have something to look forward to. Speaking of that Eric and I have a family dinner coming up that we are really looking forward to! But as they often do, family events can bring with it a bit of angst. Hopefully not a lot but maybe a little and that’s ok, nothing wrong with that being the case.
It can be especially true during the holiday season. I hear that from a lot of people. (But even if you’re listening to this in the middle of July, keep listening—this one’s for all year round.)
This time of year can be the best and the hardest, all at once. We’re with people we love… and sometimes people we love a little less. And for a lot of us, there’s an empty chair—either because someone’s gone, or because they’ve chosen to step away, or we’ve chosen to step away from them. Whatever the reason, that absence can sit heavy.
So how do we hold space for the missing pieces… and still pour our whole hearts into the people who ARE here, choosing us every day?
That question has been on my mind because like I said earlier, we have a family dinner coming up this week and what made that dinner possible was something so funny but also endearing. My mom—God love her—sent out what can only be described as the most savage, beautiful guilt-trip text thread in history. Basically she said in a text to me and all of my siblings after sending out a few dates for every one of us to come to her house for dinner, she closed the text with this line: ‘The one thing that would make me happiest in the world is to have all my kids under one roof again. Nuclear mom move. And you know what? It worked. My sister—the one who shunned me and a few of my other siblings eight years ago over religion—is actually coming to dinner this time.
And I noticed something: even though I’m genuinely happy about it, my brain was still burning mental energy on her. Not in a huge, dramatic way I am done with that—it was just quiet little loops. How’s it going to be? Will it be awkward? How do I act? How will she act?
That’s when it hit me all over again: my energy is currency. And I get to decide where I spend it. brain energy is much better spent on those that choose to be in my life.
Thats why The title I landed on is “Choose the People Who Choose You,”
Because we all have people in our lives who have come and gone and maybe we didn’t want it. If you’ve been listening for a while you know that it’s been 8 years since my sister told me she didn’t want to be part of my life anymore.
There was no fight, not a slow fade; full, formal, religious shunning. Because I left the religion we were raised in, she decided she was basically going to treat me like I was dead. No calls, no texts, no kids recitals no more hey can you watch the kids ? Nothing. Eight years of pretty much nothing after 30 years of being super close.
For a long time I carried that like a backpack full of bricks. It weighed on me. Until I realized I was spending some of my best energy on someone who had made a very clear choice not to have me in her life.
And then one day after a lot of mindset work I finally understood: she chose. She chose the religion over me. Why was i still standing there hoping things would change and go back to the way they used to be?
That was the turning point.
Your energy is the most valuable thing you own. It’s finite. You only get so many heartbeats, so many mornings you wake up excited, so many random Tuesdays where you feel like texting someone “I love you.” And every minute you spend wondering about someone who has already walked out the door and locked it behind them is a minute you are stealing from the people who are still standing in the room reaching for you.
I have a whole bunch of family who chooses me every single day. My phone blows up with group texts that I love. I talk to my other sisters daily most of the time. One of them several times a day. They will call just to say I miss you, can’t wait to see you. My parents and I will have fun morning chats on speaker phone just talking about the weather. My friends send texts that feel like hugs. Literally. These people are all-in. And for years I was giving the premium version of me to someone who returned it unopened.
So here’s the rule I live by now, and I want it to be yours too:
Choose the people who choose you.
Not the ones you have to convince.
Not the ones waiting for you to change into someone they can love again.
Not the ones who love you with conditions and footnotes and love you “unless you leave the religion.”
Choose the ones who love you out loud, every day, no asterisk.
And when your brain tries to drag you back to the person who left (because brains love an unsolved puzzle), do this: stop whatever you’re doing, take one deep breath, and name—out loud if you can—three people who choose you every day. You might say:
“Thank you Molly for FaceTiming me from the car just to show me that adorable dog in the car beside you.
Thank you Mom for caring that I’m growing my hair back out.
Thank you Dad for sharing the books you’re done reading and Eric for being the very first person that is always on my side and has my back.
Three names. Ten seconds. It’s like hitting “force quit” on the mental app that’s been running in the background draining your battery.
Because here’s what I’ve learned in the eight years since she walked away: the people who choose you will never make you beg for a seat at their table. They already saved you one. They’re waving you over. They’re annoyed you’re still standing in the hallway waiting for someone who already left the building.
You are allowed to walk away from one-way relationships.
You are allowed to stop watering a plant that died eight years ago.
You are allowed to stop keeping the porch light on for someone who is never coming home.
And the most beautiful part? When you finally redirect all that love and attention and mental energy to the people who are reaching back, your entire life gets bigger. The conversations get deeper. The laughs get louder. You become the version of yourself finally showing up fully for the people that choose you.
So here’s my challenge to you today.
1. Notice when your brain hands you a thought about someone who chose to leave.
2. Say thank you for the memory, and then immediately name three people who are choosing you right now.
3. Send one of those three people a text that simply says “You make my life better” or “I’m grateful for you” or even just the heart emoji. Watch what happens when you start spending your energy on open accounts.
You deserve relationships that don’t feel like auditions.
You deserve to be chosen back.
I love you guys so much. Thank you for choosing this podcast, for choosing me right back. Go out there and choose the people who choose you. Share this with three people who you want to know you choose them! I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days!
