Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 629 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! Im Heidi and Im excited you’re back and equally excited if you’re new to the podcast. Either way, thank you for lifting the vibration of the world by working on being the best version of you that’s possible. As you will see from this episode, even though I work daily on my mindset, I still have so much work to do and I’m here for it….because there’s no shame in growth. So here’s what I mean.
I went to the post office the other day, which I don’t normally have to do thank goodness because I don’t have a good attitude about the post office in our town. It’s never fully staffed and the ones that are there do their best to make customers miserable. Do you see what I mean about a bad attitude? I was creating my own destiny here. And I sort of half way knew it. SO I wait in line with my box that was a prepaid return which I had the printed sheet that I thought they would take and create their own label. So I wait patiently ish for my turn only to be told in a not so nice way that I need to have that label taped on, they don’t do that. So I said ok, do you have tape event that I could buy? No. Ok, do you have any tape anywhere that I can use? No. You just need to go buy tape and come back. Next in line. That’s how my seconds at the Post office went. I wasn’t happy. But as I walked out I quickly recovered chuckling to myself, this is what happens when you have a bad attitude. I realized I had been putting off going to the post office because I knew “the experience was going to be awful”. That was the loop in my head about it. How could I expect it to go any differently?
And that’s when I realized we all have these loops in our heads. Some drag us down and some lift us up.
My husband sent me this cool article about this very thing which is why it’s in my head I’m sure. The article talks about those loops we play in our head can be broken down into an accountability loop where we recognize, own, forgive, self examine, learn and then take action or the other loop which is the victim loop where we ignore, deny, blame, rationalize, resist and hide.
Now some of you when you heard my story you may have said, ok were you being a little hard on yourself I mean the post office worker could have been nicer and it was a really frustrating thing. But my accepting responsibility for my own bad attitude wasn’t me punishing myself, it was really me checking myself and recognizing where I had played a role in the whole thing with my attitude. In the article that Eric sent me it said accountability is not punishment, it’s self respect and I agree with that.
In that victim loop it’s a downward spiral, it starts with a situation then you hide from it, resist change, rationalize your inaction, blame others, deny your role, ignore the truth, and just like that you’re back at square one powerless.
In my post office experience the situation was a long line with an unhelpful clerk. I could have stormed off, rationalized that “post offices are always like this”, blamed the staff entirely, denied that my vibe had escalated things, and ignored that lesson only to dread the next visit even more which is all exhausting. But with the accountability loop, I recognized what happened, owned my part in it, forgave myself by laughing it off, forgave the clerk because that is probably what she is told to do, they cant tape every persons label on for them, it’s unsustainable I’m sure. I learned some things there which is good for growth. That is an upward cycle.
The article goes on to say Forgiveness isn’t weakness, it’s clarity. It then asks which loop are you feeding and which loop is feeding you? Because if you are living from the victim loop it’s feeding you resentment and stagnation but if you switch to living from the accountability loop, it feeds you growth and peace.
We have these loops about everything. Think about your relationship with your husband or wife. Let’s say they do something that disappoints you like forgetting your anniversary or birthday. You could hide your hurt, blame them by thinking they are always so selfish, deny any role you played by maybe dropping hints poorly or not saying anything so that you have a reason to get mad and be upset or make them feel bad. Resentment builds and builds in that victim loop. But what if you shifted it to the accountability loop where you acknowledge your disappointment, own up to you didn’t remind them because “you shouldn’t have to remind them”, forgive them ( that’s not weakness!) Self examine your expectations, and learn that maybe in the future you need to be clearer on your needs and maybe take action by planning a makeup date together. Now all of a sudden you are stronger together.
The beauty of it is you enter these loops by being honest. In my post office moment, honesty meant admitting my attitude was half the problem. It wasn’t about punishing myself it was respect. Forgiveness gave me clarity to move on.
The more we practice this the better our lives get because repetitive thoughts wire your brain. Victim loops strengthen negativity, accountability rewires for resilience.
My challenge for you this week is to spot one time when you are in a victim loop and flip it to an accountability loop. Accountability and forgiveness aren’t buzzwords, they are your ticket out of victim mode. Like my post office trip taught me, we are co-creating our destiny every moment. Feed the right loop consistently and watch the shift.
If this resonated share it with someone who would benefit by the loop theory (hint that’s everyone). I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days!
