Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 154 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! First I want to say Thank you for being here. I’m grateful that we get to spend this time together every week, I’m really glad you’re here and I hope you’re enjoying it as much as I am. If you are, share it with a friend or 5….and if you could, leave me a review because I’m working on reaching more people and you can be a big part of that too. So thank you!
With everything going on in the world, it seems distracting our self from life is a great way to deal. And it is one way for sure, but is constantly distracting our self from life a good thing? Well I guess you would have to consider the distraction. If you are spending time with your family or doing things that are positive for you as distraction, well maybe but that isn’t the case for most of us.
I have gotten waaaaaaay better at just really not paying any attention to my phone. I love connection and I am extremely social, so I am always up for social activities. But with the fun connections on social media it’s easy to get sucked into the not so fun connections. The drama side. Whatever that drama d’jour is. Maybe it’s politics, or COVID, or your friends having dinner and not inviting you, I don’t know, those are all valid. This is not an episode about distraction, so sorry I got sidetracked…. But most of us do have some pretty valid things going on in life that sometimes it is just easier to distract our self.
So what is that for you? How is your life going? Are you dwelling on the past and so you’re feeling a bit depressed? Maybe you’re worrying about the future so you’re in a state of anxiety. Maybe you are simply angry at what’s going on in the world or maybe you feel isolated and lonely or maybe you’re just ambivalent. Whatever it is you’re feeling, just know that your thoughts create your feelings, which create your actions which ultimately create the quality of your life.
Sometimes we just get so stuck in a pattern of thoughts and behaviors that it becomes a pretty entrenched identity for us. We actually start just thinking we are what we do and think every day, which isn’t true, it does dictate the quality of our life but it is not who we are, so we can absolutely change it
You aren’t your negative thoughts
You aren’t your negative behaviors
And you aren’t your bad habits
You can change any of those at any time,
Try thinking about yourself as a clean slate. You’re an imperfect human with a fresh new start because that’s what you have every single day.
You see, sometimes and we all do it, but sometimes we doom our self to a life of misery because we let our past mistakes run our thoughts, or the things other people say to us or about us run our thoughts or we let our sister or mother or father run our thoughts and then we end up feeling unworthy or whatever negative thought we have about our self.
That doesn’t serve anyone to do that. Try to separate yourself from the things that don’t serve you any longer. And I’m not saying don’t take responsibility for your life, I’m saying don’t identify yourself in a way that is limiting you.
At some point we all have to say “I’m responsible for me and the way my life is turning out is on me at this point”. When we were born and as we were growing up, we didn’t have a lot of choice as to what our environment was that we were born into. Nobody did. That environment early on shaped us for sure, but that doesn’t mean we can’t change a lot about the trajectory now. Neither of my parents have a college degree and most of the people I grew up with did not either, but I broke that pattern once I became an adult.
The main reason your life is the way it is is because of your habits and your thoughts, not because of your genes. Sometimes it just feels that way because we tend to fall into the same habits and thoughts as the people around us.
In Dr Dispenza’s book “You Are The Placebo”. he talks about how our genes set some things for us but not everything, not even close.
So, If you aren’t changing something you’re choosing it. Wether because it’s too hard in your opinion to change or your circumstances seem too overwhelming to change it but we can’t blame society or the government or our parents if we want to create a life that excites us, even when it feels justified, it doesn’t serve us to play the victim to anyone. Victim hood gives all your power to someone else. I personally want to be in control of my power and my future.
Maybe you feel trapped in an identity that you’ve always had and you don’t feel like you can change it. You can but it has to start with you because a lot of times the people closest to you will keep reiterating that identity on you, maybe not in a malicious way but it’s pretty common for that to be the case, the change has to start with you. Maybe you’ve always been the class clown, or maybe you’ve always been the chubby one or the troublemaker and your mom reminds you of this or your sister reminds you of this. Maybe you’ve been a hard partier in the past and your friends still like to put you in that category. You don’t have to just accept that. Don’t put yourself in a box and certainly don’t allow others to do it either. We grow and we evolve and we change and if you don’t look at your life 10 years ago and cringe a little, you may need to step up your game…I think about some of the things I did in my 20’s and even my 30’s and I am glad I’m not there anymore, that’s ok. You don’t have to be stuck with an identity you had in the past
I love the story of the young man right here in Memphis that had a mentor that was working with him to help him because he was having a lot of problems in school with his grades, he was super smart but he was also the class clown in school, always the one goofing off, getting in trouble. His mentor lost touch with him when he moved out of his district. One day they ran into each other and the mentor was asking how he was doing, because he seemed like he was thriving. The young man told him he was doing amazing and his grades were really good now and everything had turned around since he moved. The mentor asked him what changed and he said “At my new school, they didn’t know me as the class clown so I didn’t have to be like that anymore”. That changed everything for him. We will try to live up to an identity and the people around us will often hold you to an identity, so you have to change it. And you don’t have to move schools or towns to do it, even though that does make it easier. Tell your friends and family when they try to put you in a category “That is not who I am”. And then let them see by your actions who you really are. It isn’t easy but nothing worth having really is.
And wherever you are is OK. Please know that. You may be just beginning to change something, you may be mid way, or you may be just thinking about making a change, but You are exactly where you are supposed to be and things are working out in your favor. I really hope you know that. Just remind yourself that every day that there is no rush to get anywhere, you aren’t behind, you aren’t late to the game, and you’re worthy just because you are born, nothing and no-one can change that. But the quality of your life depends on your thoughts and your habits.
Just know that you were born into this world for a reason and it wasn’t to live a mediocre, comfortable, sometimes happy life and then die. That is not what you were born for. And I’m not going to pretend I know what your purpose in life is, because I don’t. You are the only person in the world that knows that and every decision you make either brings you closer to that purpose or further away from it. You will know, because If you’re living your purpose you’re thriving, you’re inspired, you’re excited for the day, maybe not every day but most of the days!
By separating yourself from your behaviors and your thoughts, you are able to step outside and see how they are affecting you. If they are leading you down the path of your own Wildly successful life or if they are taking you down the easy road to mediocrity.
So Try this for a minute, Take the thoughts that you have daily and your daily habits and attach them to another person, like that person that you are observing had those thoughts and habits…How is that person’s life going to be? Will they be healthy? Will they be happy? Are they going to thrive with those habits? Would the thoughts terrify them? You know how when you have a friend or maybe a family member that is on a path that isn’t good, dating someone that treats them poorly or maybe they are drinking too much or partying too much, missing work or school and everyone on the outside can see it but that person is completely oblivious? That’s exactly how most of us are when it comes to our own thoughts and behaviors. Sometimes we know we are on a path that isn’t serving us, but we just don’t want to do the work to change it.
You are a product of your environment AND you are the only person that can change it. If there is something you want to change, what are you waiting for? No-one is going to knock on your door and change it for you and it isn’t going to get easier. In fact the longer you let something go the harder it is to change, so starting now is the best time you’ve got.
I changed my diet drastically, not because I have some dreadful disease or because it was crippling me, I changed it because I could tell if I stayed on the trajectory I was on the way I was feeling was only going to get worse and harder to fix. I’ll tell you, It’s sort of weird but one of my problems was my big toe was really kind of stiff and had pain when I tried to wear my heels or do certain yoga poses. I knew I hadn’t injured it so it had to be something internal. I also knew it probably wasn’t going to stop there, it would only get worse if I didn’t do something now. During my detox this last week, I woke up one day and for the first time, I could bend my toe and actually move it without pain after a month of eating only things that were good for my body it was able to start healing, it’s not completely back to perfect but it is undeniably better and that is good enough proof for me that it’s working. That’s a change that isn’t fun to make but makes the quality of my life way better.
My challenge to you this week is to identify the thoughts and behaviors that aren’t serving you. Maybe pick just one. We all kind of know what they are, don’t we? Maybe you have an identity that’s causing those behaviors, like “I’m late all the time, that’s just how I am” which causes you to never do the things you need to be on time or one that I used to have “I’m just not a size 4 body” which gave me an excuse for why I couldn’t be where I wanted to be. But once I changed that identity, my behaviors changed, which created new habits. Another I hear a lot is “I hate working out” which causes you to dread working out which means you’ll do anything to avoid it. And don’t try to lie to yourself and say Ok “I love working out” because that doesn’t work either, maybe just soften it to something like “I do feel a lot better when I work out” or “I do love the way I feel once I’ve finished working out” those are true statements and they tell your subconscious that you would like to do more of it. See how that works? You aren’t your thoughts but the quality of your life is created by them so get really aware of what they are. I love you guys and I’ll talk to you in a few days.
