Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 592 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! I’m Heidi and Im so happy you’re here. Our lives are intertwined through this podcast and I don’t know about you but I’m happy about it. Thank you for taking the time to focus on yourself and your mindset. You’re not only making your life better, you’re making the lives of the people around you better too. You know I’m right. Especially if you’re in a long term relationship with someone like me and my husband Eric.
We’ve been together for over 20 years, and let me tell you, it’s so interesting to me to feel so connected to someone yet still need to remember that you’re your own person. If you’re in a serious relationship, married, or even just thinking about what that kind of commitment feels like, I bet you’ll relate to this tug-of-war between “we” and “me.”
I mean this year, in December we will have known each other for 20 years. We met at a Tony Robbins seminar in Palm Springs, California in 2005. It was a seminar with 2300 people from all over the world. So here I am a little ol girl from TN, came to this seminar across the country by myself. Maybe you’re familiar with Tony’s events, they are amazing. Tons of energy, people cheering, Tony’s up there getting us all inspired and breaking down our priorities so that we know how and why our life is where it is and then if we don’t like it, how to change that. I was in heaven, these are my people. So I’m taking it all in, taking as many notes as I can and really feeling like I could conquer the world. And that’s when I met Eric, he was on my same team. Our team leader asked me to speak to the group about something I overcame and afterward Eric came up to me and said “that wasn’t easy to do, thank you for sharing that. We started chatting, and realized we lived about an hour away from each other. it was like we had this weird instant connection. Tony Robbins always says, “The quality of your life is the quality of your communication,” and that day, our communication was on point. Fast-forward, and here we are, 20 years later, married, still living our best lives and still growing and evolving like we were back then.
Here’s the thing about being with someone for that long—it’s so easy to just blend into one person. Like, you become this unit, this “we.” And honestly? I love it. I love being married. It feels cozy, like we’re this one big, messy, awesome entity. We’re that couple who’s always together, which I love we grill out chicken on a Tuesday, go for runs on the weekend, travel together, read some of the same books, having long discussions about what we are learning. It’s our happy place. But, sometimes I catch myself forgetting that we’re not actually one person. Eric’s got his own thoughts, his own little world spinning in his head, and so do I. Even after all these years, it’s easy to miss that he’s living life from his perspective, and I’m living mine.
It’s funny when I find out that he’s reading a new book I haven’t seen “Im like where’d that come from?” Or every once in a while when we are with friends that he works with and they are talking about something and I say “I didn’t know anything about that!” Acting shocked that there’s something about his world I don’t know. That’s when I have to remember he also lives a life that Im not the center of. He’s got this whole inner life I don’t always see. You think you know everything about your person, but they’ve got they own stuff going on too. I bet you have felt this too maybe with your spouse, a best friend or even a family member, where you realize they’re not just an extension of you.
And if you listen to Tony Robbins giving each other room to be yourselves is huge because that’s where growth and variety come in. I mean think about it, if you’re so merged that you lose your spark, the whole relationship could feel like a rerun of the same episode. You have to fuel the relationship daily but you also have to keep fueling your own fire too. You can’t ask them to do that for you. I think making sure you keep fueling your own passion, taking care of yourself mentally and physically, not expecting them to do it for you makes for a much more exciting relationship. It makes us stronger together for us to be strong individually.
The one thing I know for sure is me working on my own happiness makes him very happy and him working on his own happiness makes me very happy too because that means together we can flourish at whatever we’re doing. The best thing you can do for anyone you love is to be happy. If I’m taking care of my own joy in whatever I do it lifts the whole vibration of our home and he feels that and it puts him at peace. I know because there have been times in the past where I was struggling and I could tell how worried he was and it was like a cloud following us around, fortunately I’ve worked very hard to find that joy again and it’s made his life so much better too as you can imagine. We do not usually work out together but we both work out 5-6 times a week and that is one of the best things I think we do for our relationship. Take care of ourselves.
I guess my point of this is each one of us needs to remember we are whole separate from each other which makes for magic when we come together. And we know that keeping that wholeness is crucial for our relationship. Love thrives when we’re both growing, shining and showing up as our best selves. And it’s the same for you in any relationship you have so keep being your best and remember who you are at your core and when you come together with someone else who matches that energy you will know it right away and it will feel so right.
Share this episode with someone who needs to remember how awesome and whole they already are. I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days!
