Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 256 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! If you want to help someone else today, share something positive like this episode or another positive podcast with them, if you want to help me personally, go to apple podcast and give me a 5-star review if you’re loving this show! It matters more than you probably think.
Ok, I was doing my morning meditation, and the guide said I want you to picture in your mind a person you know who is always super generous. Someone who never even considers not being, someone who never breaks away from generosity even momentarily. I know some very generous people but no one that is 100% that way all the time, so I was thinking, why don’t I know someone like this Haha. But then he quickly said I’m thinking of one, and it’s Superman, and he kind of doesn’t actually exist. I sort of
laughed with relief because I was really struggling.
I think we have these ideas that there are people that are ALWAYS a certain way. You’ve heard people say, “she’s always happy, he’s always so generous, she is always successful at everything. That kind of sets a standard in our brain that is unfair.
Well, if they are always happy, then that must be possible, so I should be too or I want to always be happy too. Or if they’re always successful, I should be too. Now you’re mad at yourself when you’re not happy because “what’s wrong with me?” Why can’t I always be happy? Or if you fail at something, you’re a loser because that person is always successful.
But if you break that down, that statement “she’s always happy” or he’s always successful. This is just a manner of speech, not a matter of fact. If you’re human, and you are, then you have a range of human emotions, and you have a range of successes and failures.
Now, you may have a pattern of how things go for you or you may have a dominant emotion, but you will still have a range of different emotions. But, you’re still going to have a range of emotions. That’s important to know and remember. We are designed to have that range, Otherwise we would be a robot with one setting, which would be weird and no fun. Think about it if you were just always happy and laughing, you don’t want to laugh at a funeral, you don’t want to laugh if your kid falls down and hurts themselves. Or the opposite, if you are just always sad, you’re not allowing yourself the opportunity to enjoy the simple things in life.
My set point is happy but I am not always happy. I get upset. I worry. I get sad. I get excited, disappointed, Full range of emotions. Your emotions are a really good gage of your thoughts. Your thoughts are the reason you feel anything.
So I’m not always happy but I do aim for that. Jordan Peterson says “What you aim at determines what you see” If you’re looking for reasons to be happy you will see them, if you’re looking for ways to be successful , you will see them, if you’re looking for reasons you’ll fail, you’ll see that too. If you’re looking for reasons to be upset, well that’s easy to find.
I try to give myself the chance to be happy more often than not. I know and you know, there are all kinds of things we can look at right now to make us sad or angry or disappointed, but there’s way more to look at that’s inspiring and joyful, and up-lifting. Sometimes we are hoping for someone else to come along and inspire us, or for someone to come along and save us from our anger or our disappointment or to magically show us the exact way to succeed in a certain area. That person doesn’t exist outside of you. You can be that person for yourself. You can read all the books and watch all the YouTube videos but until you take it upon yourself to aim for a specific thing and take action to move towards it, you’re going to keep following the next shiny object that sells you on a quick fix. There’s no quick fix to success, and there’s no quick fix for your health but there is a quick fix for your thoughts and emotions….as long as you don’t have a chemical unbalance, you can drown out the negative thought patterns with new positive ones by thinking on purpose.
So, What’s your dominant emotion? Have you ever thought of that? Is it happy? Is it serious? Is it anxiety? Is it disappointment? What is the emotion you feel most day to day?
And don’t worry if you don’t like the answer you come up with. You can affect it.
No matter the emotion at some point, if it’s not serving you, you have to move forward from it or you find yourself stuck. We don’t want to stay stuck in an emotion that doesn’t serve us. That sounds awful.
People get in thought patterns that keep them sad or bitter or angry. How are your thought patterns? Are you constantly down on yourself? Are you constantly talking negatively about your friends or family? Are you constantly focused on the bad things that happen in this world? These are thought patterns that we can easily fall into now because that’s how information is dispersed anymore. Bad news gets highlighted. OK. You can keep yourself in a state of anxiety and despair by allowing someone else to dictate your thoughts by way of the bad news media OR you can slowly turn it around out by thinking on purpose, with a better feeling thought. You can ask yourself “How do I turn this around?”
When you think on purpose you AIM for something positive. Yes, you’re going to have thoughts that slip in that aren’t the best, but when you think on purpose, you will start becoming aware of those thoughts and maybe ask yourself a better question.
I talked about my side notes in episode 253 and how each day I have a different thing written down that I’m aiming for that day. Like being intentional all day or being the best version of me possible in everything that day or being present all day long no matter what Im doing. I literally will stop and ask myself wait Am I being intentional here? Or maybe is skipping the gym being the best version of me? My brain will answer those for me.
I still have little setbacks here and there but overall I am becoming more intentional, more present and a better version of myself because those are things Im aiming for.
I’m actually thinking on purpose. My husband was training a young pilot that is newly hired and he was having a little trouble because he was rushing, he explained to my husband he knows that once he has experience, he knows the rushing will stop, but Eric told him directly, “Ive been flying for 30 years and let me tell you, there are going to always be times when you feel rushed, that isn’t going away, In our industry, you are going to feel rushed from outside pressures, but you control how you deal with it internally, so when you notice things are feeling rushed, you have to simply know to breathe and slow down intentionally, he has to have the ability to think on purpose when those exterior pressures are there, because they will always be there at any given point.
The same goes for Sadness, disappointment and worry….these are part of the human experience because we have outside pressures, but how you deal with them is up to you.
The key is to manage it. To aim for what you want. To think on purpose.
Aiming for something implies you are doing what it takes to get there. One of my favorite sayings is “Aim for the moon, if you miss at least you land amongst the stars.” When someone aims for an A+, they may end up with an A. If someone aims to be happy most of the time, their outlook will be much better than someone who just lets life happen to them. If someone aims to succeed they will still have things go wrong, but they keep moving forward towards that success because that’s what they’re aiming for.
No one is always happy. Regardless of what you see on Instagram. And no one is successful at everything without failing from time to time, regardless of what you see on Instagram. It’s ok to have the range of human emotions, there’s nothing wrong with feeling sad or disappointed or anxious…just don’t live there, and remember, there’s nothing that has gone wrong because you have them, it’s what you do when you have them that matters.
And that’s where thinking on purpose comes in really handy.
My challenge to you today is to simply have the goal to think on purpose. Just for one day. Notice when you have a negative thought and ask how can I turn this around? Notice if you have a disappointment how you handle that disappointment, do you make it worse by beating yourself up or do you give yourself a pep talk? A range of human emotions is perfectly normal.
