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Are you adding “fuel to the fire?”

Episode 463
Wildly Successful Lifestyle

LISTEN TO: Are you adding “fuel to the fire?”

Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 463 of the wildly successful lifestyle podcast! What’s going on? How’s life treating you? I hope it’s full of adventure and joy. Life is always what you make of it so be sure you’re making it great. That doesn’t happen by mistake, it actually takes effort to be adventurous and live life to the fullest, so get out there and do something today that breathes life into your day and gives oxygen to the fire that burns inside of you. Speaking of oxygen to fire not all fires are good, right? if you want the fire to continue burning you want to add oxygen but if it’s a bad fire like one in your house or your car you don’t want extra oxygen you want that fire to fizzle out. The same thing goes for the things we give oxygen to in our life.

Eric and I were driving home from dinner the other night when I started to say something but stopped myself. I told him Nevermind, what I was going to say didn’t add value to the conversation in fact it was kind of negative about someone else and I didn’t want to put that energy out into the world. I said I have been working on if it’s not nice not saying it. He smiled and said ok, I need to work on that too. He didn’t press me for what I was going to say, he just let it be. I appreciated that. Because often times someone would press you to give up the juicy details so that they can be in on the drama too. But that’s not what happened. I kept it to myself and it lost it’s flare and fizzled out to where I now really have trouble remembering what I was even going to say. I didn’t put negative energy out into the world which allowed it to fizzle out and Eric also allowed it to fizzle by letting it go and not pressing me on it. Now he was probably curious but I imagine that also fizzled quickly as well. What we put out is what we get back. We intentionally did not give oxygen or fuel to the fire of gossip and negativity.

Have you ever seen those safety videos where the firefighter says “this is why you don’t open the door if you suspect there’s a fire outside it. And they show the fire exploding because of the extra oxygen given the fire by the door opening or the window opening? That’s where the saying don’t “add fuel to the fire” comes from.

I can remember my mom telling me not to add fuel to the fire if my sister was getting in trouble or some drama was going on and I was getting in the middle of it. A fire will fizzle out eventually if it’s deprived of oxygen. But have you ever thought about how the same thing is true of gossip or negativity?

The reason gossip travels so fast is because everyone is giving it oxygen, we give it air time and fuel by talking about it. If no-one gives it oxygen it fizzles and dies out. Drama over, but it’s so tempting to want the drama to thrive unless of course it’s gossip or negative attention about yourself and then of course you want it to fizzle out immediately. Our brains love drama but is that the kind of energy we want to put out into the world. You get what you put out.

I have a friend that has been going through a little bit of life turmoil lately. I know that she knows that if she needs me I am here because I have let her know that, but we don’t just sit around and stir up the turmoil of her life by rehashing it over and over. I asked her the other day how things were going just to let her know I care and she said “It’s a little rough right now but I don’t want to give it air time so just know that I’m good and it is going to be fine”. I was curious what she meant of course but I didn’t press her because I know that giving negativity air time breeds more negativity. Just like giving fire oxygen can quickly make it blow up, giving oxygen to negativity does the same thing.

That isn’t an easy thing to do or to practice because our brains love drama.

I work with a contractor that I adore. He is 81 and full of life and goodness. He also tends toward not having a filter even in front of clients so sometimes I bite my tongue when he is having a conversation with my clients. One morning recently we had started a project a little early, which I found out at the very same time my client did when my contractor let us know that he got a little excited and jumped the gun so now the project was going to sit for 2 weeks because the materials weren’t in and the framer had to be on another job anyway. This is not how I wanted to start a huge project, I could feel myself getting a little upset when I turned and looked at my client and she looks at me and whispers it’s fine, no worries at all. We are good. It wasn’t a problem for her so I wasn’t going to make it a problem either and left it at that. Later when I got in my car I was still a little frustrated and I went to pick up my phone to call my contractors partner to talk about my frustrations when I stopped and thought you know what, what’s done is done. I’m frustrated right now so I’m just going to let it lie especially since the client is fine and I let it go, I just drove in silence watching my frustration sort of fizzle as I stopped making it worse than it was. Had I picked the phone up and called his partner it would have been a juicy conversation that my brain would have loved because it loves drama and now we would have had to have a meeting over how to make it better when it was already fine per the client. My brain kind of wanted the drama but I didn’t allow that I took control and actively let it fizzle and that’s exactly what it did, it fizzled now, a few days later his partner and I were meeting at another client’s home and she mentioned the early start and we had a little laugh about it and she said we will make sure that doesn’t happen again and I said “I know that” and that was it. No drama needed, no oxygen to the negativity, just calmness and the knowing that next time the start date will have better timing.

You can bring peace and calmness to any situation as long as you don’t allow your brain to get sucked into the drama.

When you give oxygen to gossip or negativity just remember you get back what you put out. You don’t want someone else fueling the fire of things going on in your life, so don’t do it to anyone else either no matter how tempting it is, you can rise above the drama if you live and speak with intention.

That’s my challenge to you today is the next time you have a negative thought and you feel like picking up the phone and giving the juicy details to your sister or your husband stop and ask yourself “Is this the kind of energy I want to put out into the world” or “is this the kind of energy I would like to get back?” If the answer is “no” then maybe don’t say it. Even if you think it, you can fizzle the gossip or the negative vibration out by not giving airtime to it. Make it your goal to be intentional about the energy you put out into the world. Share this with 3 people who put out positive energy, I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days.

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