Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 414 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! Thank you for being here. You guys really are the best, statistically as podcast listeners, you’re smarter and more curious and lots of other good things..so see keep it up!
Ok, I think of myself as someone who gets along well with others, who isn’t interested in ruffling feathers if I don’t have to. I love peace and I don’t love drama, not a lot of drama anyway. I really don’t think of myself as a rebel. But in reality, I am kind of a rebel.
Growing up my little sister Molly was often told by my parents that she was rebellious. My dad used to tell her she was so rebellious, you don’t want to do anything anyone tells you to do. She told me he said that in a way where wasn’t a good thing. But you know what, she always thought of it as a good thing because she felt like that meant she thinks for herself. And you know what? I gotta tell you…..this is something I have loved and admired about her since she was pretty much born. I have always said she was born with her middle finger up, but I don’t know that that sounds very flattering but it’s the best way I know to describe it, she was born knowing exactly who she was, she has never apologized for that and has never wavered in her ability to just be who she is unapologetically her whole life. I have always admired that about her and often wished I had a little more of that in me.
You see, as a contrast to Molly, I have always been very strong internally but I struggled with how to handle that without disappointing the people around me. What I didn’t realize and what Molly has always known is that other people are responsible for their own feelings, I am not and cannot be responsible for someone else’s response to me being exactly who I am supposed to be.
In the religion I grew up in, the leaders in the church were called elders. These elders sit sort of in judgement of everyone, and if you do something they deem bad, (which is pretty much anything outside of reading the Bible) you get called into the back room for a meeting. Now, I said you can get in trouble for anything outside of the Bible, I mean that’s a bit of a stretch but you get in trouble a lot for the silliest things. I remember one time I was going in service which was what they called when you went door to door knocking on peoples homes to read the Bible with them, so I was going in service and it was cold and penny loafers were in style at the time and I wore my penny loafers with my
skirt and socks. One of the other ladies in the group thought this was inappropriate and complained, I got called into the back room with the elders. Another time I got in trouble because at the time the “wet look” was in for curly hair and I had that going on but that was deemed inappropriate so they made be brush it out…attractive. You see though, there was nothing wrong with either one of these things in reality, it really is all about conformity. If you conform in the little things, you will in the big things too. I just conformed best I could until I became an adult. Molly on the other hand…..she just refused to conform to any of it. So when she would be pulled into the back room my parents would feel the need to be with her, not to protect HER from the elders but to kind of protect the elders from HER..you see they will make you feel small and so ashamed of who you are as a person and if you have a strong sense of self, you don’t allow another person regardless of who they are treat you that way. Most people are alone in those meetings Because by design that was supposed to be intimidating and make you feel ashamed, to make you feel so small and unworthy so much so that you never want to experience that again, and you didn’t repeat your sin or whatever it was you were back there for. I did that well when I was young, there was a lot of shame, a lot of hiding who I really was. Not because who I was was bad, but because who I was didn’t align with exactly what they thought was good.
I had a strong sense of self I just wasn’t self assured enough to be willing to disappoint people who seemed to have authority over me, especially not my parents. I wanted everyone to be happy and have peace but I was torn because I also wanted me to be happy and have peace.
What I realized and what Molly came out of the womb realizing is that in order for you to be happy and have inner peace you often appear to the people around you as being rebellious. Because you don’t tow the line, you don’t bend the knee, you defy convention Others might call you rebellious or selfish. But call it what you want, if you decide against all convention to prioritize your peace and your happiness, I call that brilliant. Because no-one else is gonna do it for you, so in order to have it, you have to do it yourself and therefore you get called selfish or rebellious.
But I looked that word up. And there’s different definitions, and just as with anything in life…you can choose what you want it to mean. Here are the definitions that stood out to me…..
Defiant to convention. Difficult to control. Doesn’t act in accordance with expectation.
So think about the opposite of those things. If you were easy to control if you consistently followed the convention and always acted in accordance with expectations……you would end up well just like everyone else in the world. You’d be average. You’d be exactly what others expected. You’d be nothing more than allowed. Unexceptional. You’d be just like the people scorning you for not towing the line…and you know what? The reason they are so mad at you? It’s usually because they wish they had the courage to do it too and now here you are being exceptional and thriving and they can’t stand that. And that’s ok, you don’t have to be mad at them for feeling that way, you can look at it as you’re showing them whats possible…and you showing them what’s possible will inspire courage in the ones that needed a little reminder and now you’re moving the needle.
So are you rebellious? I hope so. My challenge to you is to be ok with being a little rebellious …you’ve earned it.
Share this with 3 people who you’d love to see defy expectations! I love you guys! I’ll talk to you in a few days!
