Hi guys! Welcome to episode 505 of the wildly successful lifestyle podcast! How’s it going? Are you having a good week? I hope so. If you’re not, I hope you are taking responsibility for turning it around because that is always within your ability. Change the way you look at things and the things you look at change. I just love this radical idea that I can control my life just by the way I think about things. If something is bothering you, how can you look at it differently so that it serves you instead of causing you pain?
I read this week a list of signs you are toxic to yourself.
- Self-sabotage. You undermine your success
- Negative self-talk. You criticize yourself constantly.
- Avoid responsibility. Blame others for your problems.
- Negative self-care. You disregard your own well-being.
- No boundaries. You struggle with setting limits
- Constant comparison. Feel inadequate compared to others.
- Focused on past failures. Obsess over mistakes instead of moving forward.
All of these are harmful but number 3 is the one that hit me because I think we all do it at some point or another.
Have you ever thought “If only this person would do this, I would feel differently about them” or “if only the gym were closer I would work out more” how about if only my parents had done this or had not done this I would be in a better place. Our mind is very tricky and it’s also sly. It will justify anything and blame everything but ourself if we let it. It just feels better for it to not be our fault. Or does it? Because when it’s not our fault or we don’t control it, is it fixable by us? Not really. That means someone or something else has to change for us to get what we want. I don’t know about you but that’s not how I want to live. Having an extreme personal responsibility mindset means I take responsibility for all the things in my life, good or bad.
I found myself using some excuses this last week to explain to myself and anyone that would listen why I haven’t been as diligent about my workouts. I have slacked off on my yoga and also on my running. My ego as I say this wants me to list all of the things I have been doing instead so that you don’t think I’m lazy but the truth is. I haven’t made my normal yoga classes and gym runs a priority. This episode isn’t about the importance of exercise, it’s about the importance of taking responsibility for every little aspect of your life. Accountability is important and extremely helpful but even more important is your mindset and whether or not you call yourself out when you are using excuses to let yourself off the hook. Now I’m not talking about beating yourself up, I’m talking about the opposite…having your own back.
We so often go through life blaming someone else or something else for our own failure to succeed when that’s actually the worst possible thing you can do to yourself. You know why? Because you are telling yourself it’s out of your control. Someone or something else has to change for you to be happy or fit or successful or to be a good wife or sister or friend. I’m going to make a bold statement here..That is never true. The only thing that has to change for you to be any of these things is your very own mindset. I know. It sounds crazy. So you’re telling me I can be a good sister to that sister that wants nothing to do with me? Yep. You can. Obviously that’s personal to me if you’ve been listening for a while. But it’s a perfect example of not allowing yourself to be a victim even when to reasonable people you’re justified. One of My sisters will have nothing to do with me and I can still be a good sister to her if only in my head. A couple years ago that was a radical thought. But now I get it. That’s been a long time in the works but now when I think of her I don’t feel anger at all. I feel very neutral because I’ve taken responsibility for my thoughts about her. I told you guys recently how my trainer and I had a conversation about my sister where I realized I thought in my mind my sister had ruined our family but once I reminded myself our family is just fine, the anger melted away and now I just feel neutral when I think about her, which is ok with me for now, it’s way better than angry. I feel so much lighter. That’s a gift I gave myself. And you can do the same for yourself too.
I was listening to Tony Robbins podcast recently and he had a guest speaker that was saying he had a client that has ongoing fights with her mom. The thing is, her mom passed away years ago and she is still having those fights with her in her head. This is why it’s so super crucial that we are aware every minute of the things going on in our head. It affects every aspect of your life. I was working on a podcast episode the other day and was feeling a little frustrated because I felt stuck on an episode and I noticed myself wanting to scroll on x to avoid the feeling of being frustrated. I notice I do that a lot. It tells me I need to be ok with feeling frustrated and work through it instead of avoiding it. You see being aware of the thoughts in our head can affect every little action we take. If you’re not aware of the thoughts you’re having, you have no idea why you’re angry for no reason or stopped going to yoga for no reason or all of a sudden spent hours scrolling on social media for no reason, even though you had tons to do. It’s not an accident that that’s happening. There’s a reason and more than likely it’s either a thought that is creating the feeling or a thought that you’re avoiding, or a thought that keeps you from doing something or from not doing something. It’s always a thought. Thoughts are why we do or don’t do anything. Thoughts are Why we feel the way we feel. If you can pinpoint the thought, you can change just about anything in your life just by changing the thought.
My friend Leena who was kind of my gym partner and yoga partner moved and I was blaming that on why I’ve been a little slack about it lately. But I realized that it wasn’t her it was my lack of making it a priority that was the problem. When she was here it was a huge priority for her and by extension me because we would do it together. That was a sneaky thought that I was using as an excuse. Now that I’ve called myself out, I can no longer use that. I just have to say the truth which is “I’m not making that a priority”.
That’s the extreme personal responsibility mindset. It will make you better and it will make you realize how tricky your mind is. Your mind wants to ease your pain by avoiding a negative feeling so that you scroll too long on x. It wants to shift the blame to someone or something else so that you feel justified in not reaching your goal for the week. Your mind wants to keep the fight alive in your head because it allows you an excuse as to why you’re so bitter. The extreme personal responsibility mindset allows you to have the radical idea that you get to control it all simply by changing the way you think about it so that it serves you instead of holding you back. That’s how you have your own back always and I don’t think that’s radical, I think it’s empowering and freeing and you deserve to be empowered, you deserve to take back control of your life instead of being at the whim of the world.
My challenge to you today is to ask yourself. How would I act if I took responsibility for every feeling and action I have. How would things change if I could pinpoint the thoughts that make me angry or scared or the thoughts that make me avoid and delay. What would I be capable of if I stopped playing the victim to my own thoughts? It’s radical but it’s also time. Share this with three people who deserve to feel the freedom and empowerment of extreme personal responsibility. I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days!
