Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 272 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast. I hope this finds you safe and happy and growing and being the best version of you that you can possibly be. Are you doing that? Are you taking advantage of every possibility you have to be better? There is no reason at this point for any of us to say we don’t know how or it’s not possible. There’s someone out there that’s showing how to do every single thing you want to learn, you just have to know what you want and then go find the video tutorial. A lot of times it’s free, sometimes you have to make a little investment but what is it worth to you to be the best version of yourself? Only you can answer that.
Ok so I live in Memphis TN actually a small suburb of Memphis. Our city has been in the news reasons that are unthinkable. I’m not sure if you’ve heard about Eliza Fletcher, be hard not to, but she was violently kidnapped by a man and murdered. They got the kidnapping on video so that’s how they know what happened. The day after they found and identified her body before most people could process what had happened to Eliza there was another massive event in Memphis where a lone gunman went on a shooting spree all over the city lasting several hours killing 4 and wounding 3 others.
The people in the city and all over the country were left feeling tired, defeated, angry and lost. How could this happen? How do we go on? How do we move forward? These tragedies deeply affect those that live here and affect the psyche of humans all over the country. Maybe you don’t live here but you have experienced personal tragedy of your own.
Tony Robbins says he believes Leaders do 3 things when tragedies happen.
- They see things as it is, but not worse than it is
- They See it better than it is
- They then do something to make it better
When tragedy happens in order for life to have meaning, some good has to come from that tragedy.
But that’s not our first instinct when tragedy happens, our first instinct is often feeling vulnerable and scared if you’re a woman, and anger if you’re a man. Everyone will react differently when tragedy happens and that’s ok. As a woman, it’s easy to think twice about everything we do if we are alone. We start seeing threats everywhere. A stopped car on our run a threat. A man walking towards us a threat. A van with tinted windows parked next to our car a threat. If you are looking for a threat, you will find one in even the most harmless places. I know because I went for a run the next day and my brain was trying to identify anything that could have been a threat. After the second tragedy happened my thought immediately was “It’s too much. We are going through too much, I don’t know if I can handle this.”
And then I started thinking you know what? Life is full of difficult times. How we navigate those difficult times determines our future. Everyone has them regardless of who you are. Everyone. And just like anything, there will be varying levels of difficulty. Hopefully none of us will have to experience the pain that Eliza’s family has experienced. Or the families of the victims of the shooting what they are experiencing. That’s, in my opinion, as bad as it gets. The families in these tragedies will have to heal and it’s going to take time. Lots of it. They will find a way to do that. The other option is not to heal and let it break you and people would understand if that happened as well. But we are so resilient. Think about how many things you have survived and here you are listening to a podcast still wanting to be the best version of yourself. I bet there have been moments that you didn’t think you’d make it through and you did.
But we have to determine what we are going to make the tragedy mean for us.
Are we going to let the bad guys win and curl up in a ball and hide? Are we going to take it out on all men, hate all men because of two bad man? Are we going to blame Memphis as a city? There are a million people here, right now, how much time are we going to spend focused on the wreckage caused by two men as opposed to the hundreds of thousands of people in this city that are good, that are law abiding and have a love for a city and each other? If we are going to take on all the hate of two men, do we not have to also take on the love of the thousands of people who are showing a resilient spirit? Because they’re out there too and it’s the majority, not the minority.
We can focus on the bad and carry that around with us seeing a threat everywhere, I read a post where a woman said “now is not the time for any man to randomly say I’m pretty or to try to talk to me at Costco or to look at me at all, don’t even think about it”.
And I have to admit at the time, I felt that statement. I want to agree with her and say yeah, that’s right. Men better tow the line. But I also felt the way it took my power away to think like that. You cannot control what other people do but you can decide in advance what you are going to make it mean. Sometimes and you may not like this statement but if you live with anger, if you have a lot of anger inside of you, you will use a tragedy as a vehicle to voice that anger because it so desperately wants to come out and tragedy allows you to let it out and you feel justified and other people have to be ok with it because it’s in the name of the tragedy. The book Im reading right now, letting go says that if you
Repress or ignore anger, it will often show up down the road as depression. If you aren’t personally touched by a tragedy but you have a level of emotion whether it’s anger, guilt, or fear that seems like it doesn’t add up, you probably live with that emotion a lot. If you want to be angry, you more than likely have a lot of anger inside you, if you want to be scared, you probably live with a lot of fear. You must process that emotion because if you don’t it will continue to come up in every interaction you have until you do process it or until it makes you sick. Find a way to process your emotions, it’s one of the most healing things you can do.
We as women can allow this to make us feel powerless or vulnerable. And at first reaction that’s very normal. But eventually from tragedy can come a renewed spirit of personal power. I see that happening all over the country by way of women banding together to finish Elizas run, in honor of her. That’s the spirit. That’s the way to take a horrible tragedy and turn it into something that brings us all together. We have to remember we aren’t alone and a renewed spirit of personal power can lift not only us but every single person we come in contact with. When things like this happen, it’s easy to want to hide. It’s easy to blame everyone that looks like the person who committed the crime. That’s easy. That’s the low hanging fruit. The hard thing is to look inside you and ask yourself how can I make this better than it is? What am I going to make this mean? How can I be a part of the solution and not part of the problem?
Things like this can get into your mind like a poison if you let it. You become afraid of your own shadow. You worry every time you go out alone. Jim Rohn says worry is fear painting pictures in your mind. If you’re like me, Ive imagined the awful last moments of Eliza’s life a dozen times, I’ve imagined what the people thought when they saw a gun pointed at them….but that isn’t serving me. Our brain will keep playing those images over and over until we say “Enough”.
Take the time to decide what you’re going to take from this. Are you going to let it alter your life? Maybe it should. Maybe you’ve been taking risks that you sort of know you shouldn’t but nothing bad has happened yet, so you just keep doing it. Maybe this is your wake up call.
It’s not letting the bad guys win to alter your habits to keep yourself safe. You can be a strong independent woman and not feel safe to run at night. That’s ok. Listen to your gut. If something doesn’t seem right, it probably isn’t. But you probably knew there were some things you needed to change anyway. Maybe there is something good that can come from this. Maybe you realize how short life really is and to focus on what’s important.
How much power are we going to give this? How much of our personal power are we going to give up? I don’t think we have to give up any. We can use it as a tool to bolster our inner strength. Yes bad stuff is going to happen and it’s going to happen to good people. We know that but we’re gonna go out there and live a big life anyway. Life can be tough, but I promise you this, you are tougher. And these tragedies, this experience you can allow it to break you or you can use it to make you stronger. The morning after all of these shootings I had a coffee date with one of my toastmasters friends that I had never met and I so wanted to cancel, to hide, but I wasn’t going to cancel because momentum is powerful and I don’t want the momentum to be that of hiding and fear. I want it to be one of renewed personal power and growth and that’s what that meeting represented to me. When I got to that meeting my friend said she had the same thoughts and I’m so proud we both followed through because that was part of my healing and it was I’m sure part of hers as well. Where’s your momentum heading? Is the tragedy going to define you or are you going to define the tragedy? Your power lies in the meaning you give every single thing that happens to you good or bad because your life will be made up of both.
There are millions of people all over the country that are feeling the same way you are at some point or another when tragedy happens. They are going to get through it and so will you. Some will come out stronger and some will be one step closer to breaking and it all depends on the momentum of where they allow their thoughts to go.
Our mindset is the most powerful tool we have because our thoughts determine the quality of our life. Let’s decide to take something away from these tragedies or any other tragedy we will come up against so that the victims don’t die in vain. Let’s take away A renewed spirit of personal power.
I challenge you to find that today and every day.
I love you guys. I’ll talk to you in a few days.
