Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 408 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! I really hope this finds you feeling good and taking good care of yourself mentally and physically. You’re in charge of you…no-one else can change your life without your permission and no-one else can truly fix your life but you, so I’m glad you’re here because we are working on our mental health together twice a week so make sure to subscribe and share so that you never miss an episode.
I have a bunch of favorite songs but one that I am really loving right now is “calm down” it’s a song by Rema And Selena Gomez. Now I’m not sure the context they mean when they are singing calm down but I know what I mean when I say baby calm down. I’m telling myself to be calm about life. To slow down. To not be in a rush. To take the time to appreciate the moments that will never be exactly the same again. Every moment even if you repeat the same thing year after year like we do with our holiday traditions or any kind of vacations we take, it’s not exactly the same because you’re not exactly the same so enjoy each moment. I notice for myself I tend to be a little bit in a hurry and I don’t want to be….You may notice something different about yourself…maybe you have a negative thought pattern or maybe there’s a loop playing in your head that keeps you from seeing your own potential. But you could be like me and just seem to always want to rush moments or always be on to the next thing…..
I was walking my yorkie Kenzie the other day like I always do. I noticed she was taking a little longer than normal. She was sniffing more and just mosying. I also noticed myself feeling anxious like why are you taking so long? Let me set the scene here. It’s a beautiful sunny morning. I have nowhere to be until later in the afternoon. Sure I have things I need to do but nothing pressing. So why am I wishing this little walk with my yorkie was over instead of enjoying the moments I have with her? She’s older and doesn’t normally want to walk for very long. She’s also sick and there is no long term recovery gonna happen so why am I rushing this moment? For what? In order to enjoy that moment I had to listen to the words of my favorite song and tell myself to calm down, this moment could end .
I have noticed this underlying impatience to get to the next “thing” happens kind of often now that I’m aware of it. I guess that’s what happens when you start becoming aware of every thought you have, you have no choice but to have to deal with them right?
You start noticing everything…..Same thing happened when I was on a walk with Eric, my husband. He wanted to go the whole almost 5 miles and in my mind I thought that takes too long, but what else do I have to do right now that would be more important than walking in the sunshine and having great conversation with the most important person in my life? Why do I feel the need to do more than that? There’s nothing I can do right now that is more important than the thing Im doing. That’s a really calming statement. There’s nothing I can do right now that’s more important than the thing Im doing.
Do you ever find yourself wishing you were already there? Wishing to be on to the next thing? Wishing Monday was over and it was Friday already, Wishing the traffic would move already, Wishing your baby could walk already or your teen could drive already. I feel you. I am you. And I know very well that the sayings “be present, be in the moment, appreciate what is” They are really valuable but they mean nothing if they are just words on a coffee cup someone gave you or a meme your sister sends you when you don’t get the promotion. I know how empty those words can sound but I also know how empty jumping from one moment to the next without taking it all in can be, I know how unsettling it feels to always feel like you should be somewhere else and that happiness and worthiness is just around the corner when I reach this goal or accomplish this thing. In other words, I know it’s easier said than done to be in the moment and be present and enjoy the journey…but what if you could? I mean every moment is not only lived in reality in that the moment is actually happening, but it’s also lived in your head in your thoughts about what’s happening. And those are two very different things. The reality of what’s happening and the idea you’re cooking up in your head about what’s happening. And look this applies no matter what you notice about yourself….your reality is one thing and your thoughts about the reality are a totally different thing.
I’ll give you an example. I was driving one day heading to look at tile for a client and the traffic was pretty intense and I was already frustrated because I had a few things on my mind that were irritating me and so the traffic was now just piling on, I’m even more upset because of the traffic. Ever experienced that?
But on a different day, Im heading to go look at tile again and you guessed it, the traffic is bad again, but on that day, I was listening to a podcast that I was really interested in and didn’t want to miss what they were saying and the traffic was allowing me all the time in the world to do that, so I actually wanted the traffic to be bad and was totally fine sitting in traffic, I was happy about the traffic.
So what was the difference? Going the same place, experiencing the same traffic, it’s just that in one case, my mind said the traffic was messing my day up and on the other day my mind was saying the traffic was allowing me time to listen to my favorite podcast. Circumstance, the same…..my thoughts were making the difference.
You see that’s how it is with everything, One of my favorite sayings “perception is reality” is a little hidden gem, because think about it…. Monday isn’t so bad when you’re on the start of a weeklong vacation, but what do you tell yourself about a Monday that’s just the start of a regular workweek? Not so fun right? But that is so up to you. You get to make every experience, every moment, mean what you want it to mean. Traffic? Great, it Gives me more time to think or listen or just be in my calming zone. Monday? You can be just as happy on Monday as you are on Friday. That’s up to you. It’s how we are thinking about anything that matters….and as long as happiness looks like it comes from somewhere else, it can never be where you actually are. Internal happiness doesn’t require it to be Friday.
Internal happiness starts in our mind in the way we think about everything.
Because Im becoming aware of my impatient “wishing I were on to the next thing” thoughts I am now just letting Kenzie my little yorkie spend as much time on her little morning walk as she wants and I enjoy every moment, because I know she isn’t gonna have a lot of those left and I don’t want to have a regret that I wished I had been present with her when I had the chance, my thoughts are giving me that chance now.
When we think the circumstance is the problem, we lose control of our ability to be happy. When we recognize our thoughts as the problem, our circumstance is delegated to whatever we decide it’s gonna mean.
I like to be happy. I like to choose thoughts that make me happy. I know there are things that happen in life that I’m not going to be happy about, but I get to decide whether I suffer or not. I know I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be right this moment and that what I do with that is up to me. I am, with my thoughts, making things a lot better than they are or making things a lot worse than they are…..I know that happiness isn’t just around the corner, it’s consistently inside me hoping I notice it, it’s the hanging out a little longer with Grandma, it’s the rolling down the window in traffic to let the sun hit your face, it’s the bringing coffee and donuts to work on Monday morning because why not? … Happiness is always inside you as well, begging for you to notice it and yes it’s there on Monday too.
My challenge this week is to show yourself the difference between the reality of what’s happening and the idea in your head ABOUT what’s happening. Are you making that reality better or worse by the thoughts you’re having? More than likely you have a pattern of thought that is showing up in more than one area of your life and once you recognize it, you won’t be able to unsee it.
