Hi guys! Welcome to the 30th episode of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast!
I have been thinking a lot about relationships in the last couple of months. I haven’t been able to see my parents because they are in the high risk category so they have been hunkered down for sure and I’m glad they are.
It makes me appreciate that I still have them around to at least talk to on the phone. I know so many don’t have that.
But it also has me thinking about all of my relationships. It takes both parties to keep a friendship going, but with family…They will be family forever regardless. Now that doesn’t mean you necessarily have a relationship with them just because they are family. I have family members that I love but we don’t have a relationship.
This happens for many reasons, I didn’t think it would happen in my family but it did. My sister is in the same religion I grew up in. This religion holds a tight rein on the congregation through fear. I haven’t been part of it for 20 years.(I have several members of my family in this religion) I have a younger sister that is extreme (in my opinion) in her beliefs. The religion does not believe in having casual interactions with those that are not part of the group. We as a family have managed to get around that for 20 years. And then one day this sister had lunch with me and told me that she didn’t want to be part of mine and my husband’s life because we weren’t a suitable association for her children. You see, they teach that life outside of the religion is miserable and unhappy and we don’t fit that description so it is confusing for her children.
She wanted me to come back into the religion in order to be a part of her and her little family’s life. Now, I believe she is doing the best she can with what she has. I understand what she sees and even though I disagree, I understand it. Now, because of my strong relationship with myself and my husband and so many other friends and family, I was able to say to her that this was conditional love and I do not accept that in my life. I also told her she didn’t need to change a thing for me to love her and that would always be the case. I was hurt and it changed the way I feel about her but I will always love her. I hold no resentment for her because resentment only hurts you. Nelson Mandela is quoted as saying “Resentment is like drinking poison in hopes that it will kill your enemies”. That wouldn’t make a lot of sense would it? But have you ever held resentment for someone? It didn’t hurt them, it only hurt you.
It’s easy to look at families from the outside and think everything is perfect. Just know that every family has something they are working on or recovering from or needing to create boundaries around.
Boundaries are a good thing! Let’s say your dad drops by whenever he feels like it and doesn’t even call in advance? You love him but sometimes it’s just not a good time? You love him and he loves you but he has no idea that his popping in bothers you. This could turn into a big case of resentment if you don’t set boundaries. Telling him to call ahead may not feel good to him at the time but festered resentment can be a lot worse. This situation could be with a neighbor, a friend, a sibling…anyone! So think about the areas where maybe you have been harboring resentment and the person has no idea because you have never said anything to them or set boundaries of any kind!
Brooke Castillo had a podcast episode recently. She said “it only takes one person to make a relationship ok”. I wanted to argue with her. I wanted to disagree. I thought about every way possible I could prove her wrong. But you know what? She is right! Think about it. If you have a strong relationship with yourself and you have a firm belief in who you are then you would never let someone mistreat you even if that someone is family. This is where the one sided relationship comes into play. Setting boundaries for people is up to you. You are an adult and you get to say what is appropriate for your life. This is your responsibility and it’s the loving thing to do for both of you.
Loving someone that has hurt you may seem hard, but you know what? Love is an act of giving. You go to relationships to give love not to get love. Loving and expecting nothing in return will never feel bad. It’s easy to love when someone is super lovable, but The definition of unconditional love is loving without limitations or conditions. And sometimes that means loving from afar and that is OK.
Relationships can be amazing, just like design, they add color, texture and variety to your life. Lean into the ones that bring you the most joy. These are important aspects of a truly wildly successful lifestyle. I love you all and I will talk to you in a few days.
