Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 353 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! I feel like there are so many things that are good that are happening. Do you feel that way? Do you feel optimistic about life? I hope you do because studies have correlated the feeling of optimism and longevity. The more optimistic you are the longer you live. Which I guess if you’re pessimistic living longer may not be that appealing….I kid. But I really do hope that you balance out what you listen to and watch because if it’s all negative, your outlook on life is probably not that great…which isn’t helping us live our best most Wildly Successful life. Just consider branching out what you’re interested in you never know what doors it might open.
So I’m not sure how many of you are like me in that if something goes wrong or someone has a problem with you or something you’ve done, you want to fix it immediately. If you’re in an argument or there’s a problem, you want to just stay in it until there’s a resolution.
Now on the flip side, how many of you are like my husband Eric who when something goes wrong or there’s an argument he likes to step back and think on it. he likes to evaluate the situation so he’ll sit on it before making a decision or speaking up. He gives it thought and then after all of that he will calmly have a well thought out solution. Now he’s not always perfect at that but that’s his normal, preferred way of handling things.
For me, sometimes, it’s maddening because I want a resolution immediately but I have learned over 15 years of marriage that Eric has saved me from lots of heartache and problems because he takes time to think things through and has many times encouraged me to do the same.
Just this last week..
I had a client that Ive been working with for a long time. Her home is very beautiful. Well our latest project, is her guest bathroom and it is almost finished, its a show stopper for real. So we are almost done, there have been a few little hiccups here and there, but the project overall has gone well and the end product is one for the books. So my client is walking her neighbor through the bathroom and her neighbor casually mentions that the sink feels a little higher than hers, which my client had never even noticed nor had any of us because the ceilings are very tall and so the scale feels right. So when I show up to finish a few things, I can tell my client is having a bad day right out of the gate, she is mad about something that has nothing to do with the project, which I should have just moved our meeting but I didn’t so … while we are talking, she says oh my neighbor says the sink feels high to her and in my head Im thinking hmmm ok it feels great to me, so I say well standard is 36” which is my first mistake. So she says well let’s measure it because I think its about 39”. And I said no way, if anything it’s 37” which is fine. So we get our measuring tape out and it’s 37”. Ok so what does that mean? In her mind right then, we have really messed up and she wants an answer as to why and how and what we can do. ( This client by the way is usually pretty reasonable but most people become a little unreasonable when emotions are high) So the cabinet was designed to be 36” but for whatever reason it ended at 37” but it looks and feels really just right even to her, and After doing a quick search, standard is really 32-42 for custom cabinets depending on the height of the people using it, which is what I should have said from the start. Some taller people want higher vanities and shorter people want shorter vanities. There’s no regulation on it. But now she has her mind set on it is supposed to be 36” because I said that was standard and now she wants to know how we are we going to fix it. So I tell her we may be able to lower it let me just check with our contractor, but it may involve moving plumbing which would have us starting over on this part of the bathroom, to which she said well I don’t want to do that. By now though, she’s upset and I’m starting to worry that she is going to want to tear it out and Im being honest when I say it looks really good and if we lower it now, she is going to feel likes it is too low because that’s how these thing work…..but she is wanting to take it further so we get the contractor to tell us what we need to do to fix it and now we have everyone involved and everyone is emotional because it feels like we are making something a problem that really isn’t. So I tell her let me work on it and I will call her once I know something for sure. So I head home and am telling Eric about it when he my contractor calls me and says it’s not an easy fix, it will be like starting over if we want it an inch lower. Now we are all frustrated and she is frustrated and Eric is hearing all this and he realizes I am about to call my client while Im frustrated…when he just says. Just stop. Do not make that call right now. You need to sit on it. No-one is in a right frame of mind to be making decisions. You told her you were checking on it and will get back when you know something. Give everyone a chance to calm down and sleep on it. You have a meeting with her in the morning, talk to her then when it’s face to face. I know he’s right and so begrudgingly that’s what I do. I want to get an answer now, but had I pushed it while she is upset, it isn’t going to go well. Things like that never do. So we slept on it. The next morning when the contractor and I get there, she’s happy as can be, doesn’t even mention the height of the cabinet at all. Now she mentioned it a little later to the contractor at which point he told her it would be like starting over and she just said, well you didn’t tell me that and that was the end of it. Most people including her are very reasonable when emotions are not high. Stepping back and sleeping on it gave everyones emotions the chance to recalibrate so we can talk about it in a reasonable way.
I was listening to the Huberman Lab podcast and Dr Andrew Huberman was interviewing Jocko Willink. Jocko was talking about how when you are emotional, your world view is very small but when you take a step back, your viewpoint is expanded. The solution to your problem is not going to be found inside the problem. He gave several real life experiences where when you detach and sit on something, sometimes the problem fixes itself. In fact a lot of times it fixes itself. At the very least it allows emotions to be lowered so that better decisions can be made.
In the age of the apple watches and smart phones being attached to our bodies we are bombarded with email problems and texts, it’s like we don’t have a separation from it when a separation is exactly what we need. It’s almost teaching us that we should be available 24/7.
We feel like we have to respond immediately but is that the best thing? Do we even have to respond at all? Jocko gave an example of someone reaching out to him saying hey this person just said this about you and Jocko was like OK, alright. Giving it some thought he said There’s absolutely no need for me to respond to that. Responding to it puts fuel on the fire. Not responding gives it the potential for it to fizzle out. There will be some things you have to address, But the key is to step back and give it some thought. Let emotions calm down and then you can come up with a solution that isn’t made in the heat of the moment.
My challenge to you this week is to keep this phrase in your back pocket at all times….Let’s just sit on it. Someone says something about you… don’t respond immediately…just sit on it, after a couple hours you may find the initial emotion is gone and it feels kind of silly to have gotten so worked up about someone else’s opinion. Maybe a problem comes up and everyone is emotional? Let’s just sit on it…better decisions will be made across the board when emotions are calm. If emotions are high, sit on it, maybe even sleep on it, the sun will come up tomorrow and with it brings a fresh take on whatever it is that is challenging you. Share this with 3 people who benefit this week. I love you guys I will talk to you in a few days.
