Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 366 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! Nice to be here with you as always. Thank you for listening and sharing and also giving me a 5 star rating. It matters a lot on Spotify and Apple, along with sharing an episode that’s one of the best things you can do to help the podcast reach more people…so thank you again.
I was talking to Molly the other day and we were talking honestly about our sister who we don’t talk to and I was telling her that I had hopes that things were going to go back to normal because we had such a nice time being all together back in November when my brother in law died. It was a sad occasion but we were all together and it was nice. Anyway, I told her that even with all the work Ive done on myself and the work I’ve done around her, I have an anger towards her that has resurfaced and I don’t think it ever really left because I didn’t allow myself to deal with it. I think I repressed it. So Molly said something that was pretty insightful, I guess I need to stop being surprised when she does that, she’s not my wild baby sister anymore! Anyway, she said you know, have you ever considered dealing with it more like grief?
I mean it’s a loss for you and instead of constantly feeling anger maybe just deal with it like you would a death? It took me a minute to process that and when I tried that on it actually felt comforting but it also felt “final” and so I told her you know that is a good point, Im going to think more about that but I feel like grieving means it’s final and I refuse to believe that it is final that we won’t ever have them in our life again, and also don’t forget that first and foremost, I am forever an optimist and she said yes and that is a huge weakness for you. Now, When she said that I went into defense mode….because optimism has actually been a huge strength in my life which is what I told her, to which she said of course but it’s also a weakness because sometimes it doesn’t allow you to accept reality. Well that was a truth bomb. I mean
William Shakespeare did say your greatest strength begets your greatest weakness. I just really hadn’t thought about how it affected me.
I’m not sure how Ive missed that because I have always said that Molly was born with her middle finger up, literally since she was born she hasn’t cared what other people think of her. I have always said that would serve her but would also hurt her in some ways and it has proven true throughout her life so why would I think it would be any different for me?
Of course its no different for me. My optimism has served me greatly and in some ways its hurt me too. But that wasn’t the biggest aha of our conversation. The biggest aha was this. After giving it a lot of thought, I can actually do that grieve about the finality of my relationship with my other sister while at the same time staying true to myself and my optimism. How’s that? You might ask. Sounds impossible. Well, My relationship that I used to have with her is gone, it isn’t coming back so grieving that relationship is healthy and allows a certain amount of closure for me. I don’t know what the future holds and Im not putting a lot of effort into predicting it but I can say this with some certainty… Any relationship I have with her in the future if I have one will be a completely different relationship. That feels really good to say because it allows a clean break, I mean there’s been one anyway so grieving it feels right. But also leaving the possibility open that in the future there could be a time where we have a relationship again also feels right. But it will be a new totally different relationship which is fine. You know what that does? It makes it less messy. We won’t be having to repair this big clunky full of baggage relationship, we just start a new one or not and that feels ok to say.
You see though, We can apply this to so many situations. You could be going through a divorce, but maybe you have children so still have a relationship with your ex. Instead of trying to morph the old relationship into something totally different, why not grieve that old relationship and then start a new one, a new one being a co-op with the mom or dad of your children? That could be it, instead of carrying all the baggage forward. Maybe you and your partner have had some sort of big problem or betrayal…but you’ve chosen to stay together. Why not grieve the old relationship and start a different one with a fresh clean slate? The alternative is dragging all that baggage forward… and let me say we aren’t acting like nothing is wrong, for me and my sister…Im not acting like nothing is wrong, I’m just recognizing the reality that the relationship we once had is gone and I have been doing the work to be ok with that, but it was lingering because of my optimism I kept thinking we would mend it and she clearly has no intention of that so it’s right and ok for me to grieve that and move forward knowing that relationship no longer is there. But keeping the possibility open that in the future we could have a new different relationship works for my optimistic self. There’s nothing wrong with that either.
The saying that “some people come into your life for a reason, some only come for a season and then there’s those that are in your life for a lifetime.” Not everyone will be in your life forever and sometimes that is hard for us to accept but staying mad about it or being continually hurt by it just keeps the wound open especially when you don’t control it. So why not give yourself a chance to be happy?
It may not work for everyone or in every situation but it certainly gives you an alternative to moving forward without dragging baggage around.
My challenge to you this week is to identify one area in your life that you’ve been trying to fix or morph or navigate but it’s changed so much that you don’t recognize it? Ask yourself how it would feel if you mentally acknowledge that you’re going to let that old baggage version of that situation go and you’re starting a new relationship with a fresh clean slate? In life sometimes the best thing we can do is to give ourselves the possibility of starting out with a fresh clean slate and move forward from there without all the baggage. It feels good just saying it. We don’t control other people, we only control our thoughts and feelings about other people. So when we do a little mental work, it can go a long way in helping us mend at least on our side and that’s the one that matters. Share this with 3 people you want to help move forward. I love you guys! Ill talk to you in a few days!
