Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 538 of The Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! What’s going on? It’s good to be with you. Are you driving? Maybe you’re exercising, or maybe you’re sitting having coffee, whatever you’re doing I’m so happy to be with you. Thank you for listening and sharing and also giving me a 5 star review. I say that every time because it matters, people look at reviews to decide if it’s worth their time, if you think it is hit that 5 star review, I am always thankful. Alright,
Have you ever been so frustrated because you feel like this certain person is the source of so many problems in your life? If they would just cooperate, you would both be better off but because they won’t now you’re miserable? Who hasn’t felt that in some way or another during their adult life? What if you could honestly sit back and say “You know what every problem I have in my life is ultimately solvable by me”. How would that make you feel knowing that you could be the source of solving any problem you come up against, whether it’s with a friend or , a job, maybe it’s a family thing, Wouldn’t that be amazing?
I have a new book I’m reading called “The Road Less Traveled”. In it, I read about a dr who was a very hard worker, dedicated to his patients and worked extremely long hours, he worked in an office where he had many coworkers who did not work as many hours as he did. They would go home at 4:30 to be with their family while he stayed late into the night working. He prided himself on his dedication to work and at the same time was growing to resent those that left early to have family time. It was bothering the Dr so much that he talked to one of his peers about his “problem” When he told his peer was was going on, his peer looked at him and said “yeah, I agree, you do have a problem”. The story went into more depth but I don’t need to because the crux of the issue was that everyone in the office gets to choose their own hours. This dr that worked long hours chose his schedule, he doesn’t get to choose his coworkers hours. So the problem lies with him. If he didn’t want to resent his coworkers, He could choose to work less hours or he could let go of the idea that the others should also be working long hours. The problem was his and only his. He was choosing to work long hours, missing precious time with his family. Even though it may be noble, his thought that others should also be doing what he is doing was the problem. He ultimately decided not to change his hours, but to change the way he thought about his coworkers so that he no longer resented them. Ultimately if you’re an adult, the entirety of your adult life is a series of personal choices and decision. If you can accept that then you become free, if you don’t, you could be a perpetual victim.
So often we want our problems to be someone else’s fault because it’s painful to think the problem lies with us especially when we think we are being noble or right in what we are doing or the way we are living. Often it just takes a few introspective questions to see oh, I actually am choosing this. Once you take responsibility now you can decide if you want to change it. But expecting someone else to change what they’re doing so we feel better is like handing our power on a platter for someone else to decide what to do with it.
So every single decision I make is my responsibility and so are all the consequences that go along with it. It’s extremely powerful to live life this way, even though it can be uncomfortable here and there because we have to actually look at ourselves when we are having issues instead of looking around for someone else to blame.
For the longest time, I struggled with the fact that one of my little sisters decided not to have anything to do with me because I wasn’t part of her religion. If you’ve listened for a while, you have heard a lot about that. Part of the reason you heard about it for a while there, was I had trouble accepting my role in it. I proudly said “I’ve done nothing wrong, she is in the wrong here” I told myself and anyone that would listen how she hurt me and how sad it made me for her to not be part of my life simply because I chose to not be a member of her church. We had been really close and I was super close with my niece and nephew but I haven’t spent time with them now, really in almost 7 years now, I saw them at my brother in laws funeral but that’s it. For a long time I was angry and I wasn’t sure how I was going to move forward in a healthy, healing way. It wasn’t until I asked myself a couple questions that I was able to be ok exactly where I was. The first question I asked was “What could I have done to have a different outcome? And the second question I asked myself is “Would I be willing to do that?”
The answer to the first question of what could I have done differently so that I could be in my sisters life is to go back to into religion, which is the religion that I was raised in. That would fix the situation and I could be back in her life and see my niece and nephew as much as I wanted. The answer to the second question “Would I be willing to do that?” Is NO I wouldn’t. So I’m choosing the situation I am in. I chose this and I own it. It helped me rise above any feelings of victimhood because I chose this. And for anyone saying “yeah, but thats not fair, what she’s doing, that’s not right, for her to shun you”. OK, fine. It doesn’t change reality. The same goes for the Dr. His reality is, he is driven to work longer hours, spending time with patients more so than his own family. Some of you may not think that’s right either, OK, fine but It doesn’t change reality.
I may wish things were different but accepting my role empowers me. I have a friend who was engaged to be married, he bought a beautiful, very expensive diamond ring for his fiancé. A little into the engagement they were having a few issues, nothing major, but he went out of town for a couple days and when he came home, his fiancé had moved out and took all her things with her including the ring. She broke off the engagement but she refused to give the ring back. Classy I know. But this caused my friend a lot of pain and suffering. It was so bad that he talked to a life Coach about the issue and the coach asked him “honestly, what are the odds that you get that ring back?” My friend said “probably zero”. So the life coach asked another question “How would it change things if you gave her the ring as a gift?” My friend said “It would change everything.” The next time he spoke to her he told her she did not have to give the ring back, that it was a gift and then he let it go. He couldn’t change the situation, but he was able to change the way he felt about it. He no longer put the power of his happiness in her hands, he took his power right back and it changed his life immediately. And some of you may be thinking but that’s not fair…OK, fine but it doesn’t change reality.
Often we want to fight and rail against things we can’t control but when you finally realize there’s no need to suffer about things we can’t control, life becomes much easier. When we take responsibility for our thoughts about any circumstance we encounter, life becomes much easier even when it seems unfair and unjust. Now you are the source of the solution to any problem you find yourself in and that is a very powerful way to move through life, one might even say it’s the source of a Wildly Successful Lifestyle. I couldn’t resist.
My challenge to you today is to listen to the wisdom of Wayne Dyer “change the way you look at things and the things you look at change.” Our thoughts about anything make it so. Share this with three people who deserve a new perspective. I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days.
