How to get better
Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 276 of the “Wildly Successful Lifestyle” podcast! Thank you guys so much for listening and sharing….and just hanging out with me a couple times a week, its nice to be with people that love to grow and be better….
It’s nice to hear someone say how great you did. It’s awesome to hear when someone says “That Project you did was amazing!” “Perfectly done!” It feels good to hear, but how many times have you told someone what a great job they did, but in your mind you were thinking “if they had of done this, it would have been so much better” or “The project was great, but this would have improved it greatly”. I would venture to say most of us. A lot of times parents will shower their kids with praise and want to protect them from any positive critiques in fear it will hurt their feelings. But are we REALLY doing them a favor by shielding them from that? Are we doing our friends, family or coworkers a favor by ONLY giving positive feedback? Sure it’s nice to hear, but are we helping them become better?
During one of my latest speeches I gave at Toastmasters, One of my fellow toastmaster members who is also a professor at Rhodes college and has been a speaking coach for years sent a direct message saying how much he liked the structure and the power of my message. I thanked him and said “you didn’t mention my intro”. I created the intro specifically with some of your previous feedback in mind. His response was perfect and it’s why I love surrounding myself with great people.
He wrote back: “You’re intro was mediocre at best compared to the power and structure of your speech, I know this is not what you wanted to hear.
I was like ouch. But ultimately I knew he was right, I felt it. So I wrote him back and said “Actually, the truth is EXACTLY what I want to hear, because anything else weakens me as a speaker”. If he told me yeah, you’re intro was also great, good job. That would have been the easy comfortable thing for him to do, but that’s not making me better. I am on a mission to make myself a phenomenal speaker, and that doesn’t happen by accident and it doesn’t happen by people telling me my intro was awesome when, it really was mediocre at best.
Now, I asked for this feedback. I value his opinion and I know he isn’t going to sugar coat it and I’m here for it.
When you’re trying to get better at something, when you’re desiring to grow in a certain area, you don’t want to only hear the good things, you want to hear suggestions where you can be better. A lot of times in order to get honest feedback, you have to ask for it.
Most people want you to feel good and they want to feel good and they can accomplish that by telling you how great you did. They may have some suggestions to make it better but unless you ask specifically for that, they may not tell you.
The way you get better is you find someone that is really good already and ask them to give you feedback for what you are doing well and where you can improve and I would take it one step further and ask them for specific ways in which you can improve.
Following our toastmasters meeting where Professor Bradley and I had that conversation, I reached out to him by email asking for his advice on how a spectacular opening and closing to a speech would look to him. I want to know and I believe he has the answer, or one of the answers so why not ask?
And if you are thinking “Oh I don’t want to bother them” Let me ask you an honest question. When someone has come to you and asked you for help because they trust your advice, does that bother you? No, Im going to say 99% of the time that person if you are sincerely asking for help, want to help you. It’s our human nature, so don’t be afraid to “bother” someone. They will more than likely be flattered that you are asking, especially if it’s sincere.
My challenge to you this week is to be open to feedback that doesn’t only tell you how great you are, and by being open I mean go out and ask for it. Ask specifically for ways you can improve. Regardless of what you are trying to master, there is probably someone that has already mastered it. Seek those people out. Be proactive on getting better. That’s how you do it.
I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days!
