“I don’t care”
Hi guys, welcome to episode 218 of the wildly successful lifestyle podcast. This will be a good one to share if you’re inspired to do it.
I left my mom a voicemail this last week just saying I love her and dad and hoped they were doing ok.
I never heard back.
I was talking to one of my best friends about it later in the week and I said honestly, I don’t care.
And she said really? And at the moment I said yes, because It felt true. But, I wasn’t being honest with myself which made it where I wasn’t being honest with her either. If you’ll remember Friday’s episode, this year authenticity is one of my 3 words. In order to be authentic I have to be honest with everyone but most importantly, myself.
So. When I’m being honest with myself I don’t know if she got the message because I hadn’t checked. I told myself I didn’t check because I really didn’t care if she called me back or not but the truth is I didn’t want to know. I didn’t want to know she got it and just didn’t care enough to call back. That would be painful for me. Remember because of the religion they are in, one of my other sisters has already cut us off because we aren’t in the religion and there’s a real possibility my parents could do the same. My dad hasn’t had a relationship with his brother for 40 years because of it. So I’m not making it up, it’s hard to believe I know but it’s a possibility because my dad told me as long as I don’t make it hard on them they will still have a relationship with us. Hard on them means not posting holidays and such on Instagram so their friends ask them questions.
I share my story about this because family can be a big source of pain for so many because we have this idea of a perfect family and when ours doesn’t measure up we often make it mean something bad about us.
I finally texted my mother to see if she got my message and she said she had not. When she went and looked there it was. But she still didn’t call me back, she simply sent a text saying thanks for checking on them and her and dad sent their love. Ok. Not exactly what I wanted but it’s what I got. And I get to choose what that means to me. And when I asked myself how I want to feel about it, I want to love them no matter how they act. Not for them for me.
So I do care. That’s the truth. My idea of how a family should act is very different from the way my family acts. But saying that flippant “I don’t care” is not honest, it isn’t serving you.
The phrase “I don’t care” is used so much and verrrrrrry often it isn’t true. The nail tech asks me what color I want on my nails, I say I don’t care, you pick…thinking they know me, they know to grab a pale pink of some sort but when they come back with blue I’m like no! I do care. Or When my sweet husband asks where I want to go to dinner..I say I don’t care where we go to dinner, yeah you do, because when they throw it suggestions you say no, no no. you just want someone else to come up with the ideas. You care. These are little minor things And that’s ok, sometimes we don’t want to make a decision. but I want you to be aware that you’re saying “I don’t care” when you really DO care. It becomes a habit and then we start saying it at times when it can cause you to bottle up the way you really do feel and that’s not good.
The opposite of love is inattention. When you give something attention, you care. It may just be so painful that you mask it with an “I don’t care” statement. That’s how I knew I cared about my mom not calling me back. I talked about it with people. I mentioned it to Molly to my brother when he called. To one of my best friends, to Eric. Bless him. So oh I care. And from a place of authenticity and honesty I can say that and then work out what I’m gonna make it mean. When it’s all said and done and I did some thought work on it.. I want to feel empowered, not angry. I don’t control my mom not calling me back but I control what I choose to make it mean. This week I chose love. I want to love them regardless of how they act for them and for me. That thought makes me feel empowered, but it’s also true. Make sure you’re honest about how you want to feel.
Knowing all this is super empowering.
You cannot control what other people do or think. You only control what you do and what you think. So, you’re ok as long as you think you’re ok.
And think twice about saying “I don’t care” when deep down you know you do.
My challenge today is to check yourself when you’re using that phrase I don’t care. You may be masking something painful, you’ll know because if you’re talking about it or thinking about it you do care. You just may need to do some thought work around it. I’m in the phase of my certification where I’m practicing coaching and I am giving 5 people one free 45 minute session. The first 5 to email me at heidi@heididawson.com will get my calendly link to book a free session. No strings attached. We’ll be helping each other.
Share this with 3 peeps today and go give me a 5 star rating and a nice review. It makes my day to see them and read them. Honestly it does. I love you guys. I’ll talk to you in a few days.
