Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 514 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! Im so happy you’re here. I really mean that, I love doing each and every episode and then sharing them so we all grow together, because I grow with every one…don’t forget to share and give me a 5 star review if you’re loving the episodes! I like to think of each episode as a sort of spinach for our brain, because we know we’re filling it with X and instagram and news and other stuff that is probably not so great, so offsetting it with a little bit of mindset work benefits your brain, just the same as spinach or kale or vitamin C does for your body…who doesn’t need that?? so let’s keep it up!
Ok, My little sister Molly called me the other day excited about their New Year’s Eve plans. She was excited but also had apprehension because it was a masquerade ball and she had no idea what she should wear. In her mind, and I know this because I’ve done it before, there’s this secret club of people who know exactly what to wear to a masquerade ball and she wasn’t part of that. Sometimes we think everyone else has it figured out and we don’t. So we had a conversation about it and I had one idea and she had another and finally I just said “There’s no one right answer”. Unless there’s a dress code you wear what makes you feel the way you want to feel and you’ll fit right in where you should. if you want to feel elegant or sexy or maybe a mix of both, wear that and your mask. No one has it all figured out but sometimes we feel like they do and we’re just here floundering about. She chose a beautiful dress and shoes and she will be gorgeous and also comfortable because she feels good in what she chose which is then important part.
I thought about that conversation with Molly during my meditation. And I know you’re not supposed to be thinking during meditation but it happens every time. Just so you know. You’re not alone there either.
But I thought about it because during the meditation Jeff the guide was talking us through emotions and somehow one that popped up for me was a bit of embarrassment for some of the things I’ve done in the past. Things that for me today I look back and think I wish I hadn’t done that. But as I let myself feel the feeling, I asked myself what is it that we need from this feeling. Why are we hanging onto it? And I realized it’s because in my mind other people are perfect and I’m the only one with a past. That’s when I thought about the conversation with Molly. Here I was doing exactly what I was telling her she was doing. Funny how that works. Isn’t it? If you start being very aware, you’ll start noticing the Universe or God however you want to say it, sends you hints of how to be your best self. Of how you become even better than you already are. So I asked myself why am I hanging on to this feeling of embarrassment? And the answer came to me. It’s because I needed to see that those things in the past helped me grow into the person I am today. They were a vehicle of growth and learning. The person I am today makes different, more intentional decisions. But I’m only able to do that because of all the growth I’ve experienced from the pain and sadness or anger or whatever emotion comes up that I have felt in the past. I read somewhere one time that if you don’t look back on your past and feel at least a little embarrassment, have you even lived? You see we are who we are today because of all our lived experiences and so is the person sitting across from you or the stranger walking down the street. No one has it all figured out from the get go. We all have a past. The question is are we thinking about it in a way that holds us back or in a way that empowers us?
We get that choice. we get to decide how we think about our past. Personally I prefer to think about it in a way that’s helpful. So what good came from it? What did I learn? How did it help me move forward?
After I finished meditating I got curious as to why those specific feelings came to mind. I asked myself what am I suppose to do with those feelings. What I realized is this. It wasn’t just embarrassment that was hanging around for me, it was also a low level feeling of shame.
I grew up in a religion where feeling shame was normal, it was almost a daily part of life once you got to a certain age. Shame was a form of control. And just about every normal teenage feeling was sinful in the religion I grew up in, so you can imagine how shame became a regular part of life. But what was once normal for me no longer serves me. Feelings of shame if they aren’t wrestled to the ground and snuffed out, they can do damage to not only your present but also your future. I realized that I had some low level shame that I needed to deal with. Because along with shame comes a feeling of being flawed, of being unworthy, of being paralyzed, of being shunned. All of which not only hurt you right now, it hurts you moving forward too.
I’m glad I recognized that about myself because it was showing up here and there without me being aware of it. I mean I kind of knew it deep down but this was the first time I let myself address it in a way that I have power over it. Shame doesn’t have to be normal for me just because it was growing up. I don’t have to feel shame every time I have a bad thought or every time make a mistake. I can actually just stop thinking the bad thought and I can learn from my mistakes without wearing them around like an albatross because mistakes in life are normal and they’re how we grow. . They don’t have to shape us by constantly berating ourselves because of them. They can shape us in a way that we grow from them but shame doesn’t allow us to do that, it usually keeps us paralyzed. Keeps us feeling unworthy. That’s why I needed to feel that this morning. It’s because it’s time to let go of any leftover shame. I wanted it to just be embarrassment because I’m an optimist at heart and sometimes as optimists, we don’t like to feel negative feelings. Especially not deep ones. but it went deeper and once I let myself feel what I knew was there, I also knew it was time to let it go.
And I have the power to do that.
If you were raised a certain way to feel shame or if you somehow picked up the feeling of shame along the way, understand that it may have served you briefly if it corrected something or encouraged growth but carrying low level shame around no longer serves you. In fact it harms you. It’s not a feeling we want to hang onto.
We let it go through self awareness. Just being aware that you have it in the first place. And while I’m on the topic it could be that it’s not shame for you, it could be a low level sadness, a low level anxiety or a low level anger. Any low level kind of feeling that you just can’t pinpoint but it’s sort of always there and it kind of causes you problems in a way that you can’t explain. For me it’s shame for you it might be something else but getting to the root of it and acknowledging it no longer serves you is the first step. Just saying that feels good to me. I don’t have to feel that low level shame anymore just because it used to be my norm. It no longer serves a purpose and I am the only one with the power to change it. It’s not gonna happen overnight. I want it to and the optimist in me says it can but realistically I know that letting go of a long held feeling that no longer serves me will be a process, but it’s one that I’m willing to do, because I’m worth it and so are you. For me I think I will start with a thought or a mantra that counteracts the feeling but also rings true. We are not lying to ourselves anymore. So it has to be true. Something like “I am so proud of who I am becoming” or “I am super thankful for all of my experiences because they’ve built me into who I am today”. What we want to do is reframe our story so that’s it empowers us. You can do it with anything.
Remember there’s no one perfect dress to wear to a masquerade ball and no one has it all figured out all the time. Your journey is yours alone and it’s valuable and needed just the way it’s been. You aren’t only growing yourself, you’re helping others grow too when you learn from your mistakes which means you’re making the world a better place and we love that about us.
My challenge to you this week is to see if there’s a low level emotion you’ve been feeling for a while that no longer serves you. Just being aware of it is the first step but counteracting it with a new thought or mantra is a helpful next step so come up with your own or you can borrow the ones I came up with. I will add them to the show notes. Share this with one person who you are so proud of who they’re becoming. I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days!
