Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 393 of the wildly successful lifestyle podcast! Thanks for being here. You got lots of choices and I’m glad you’re choosing to be here.
So you got any problems that need to be solved? Haha. That’s a loaded question, right? How about a person that you think is the problem?
What if you could find a way to see the problem as something separate from the person?
My husband Eric and I have been married for 16 years and as all marriages we have had issues sometimes on my end and sometimes on his. Sometimes I’ve created a problem and sometimes it’s him, not often to be fair, ha but sometimes
So many times when we have a fight with our partner or if our partner has a problem or maybe we have a problem we look at it like the problem and the person are one and the same. We look at the person as sort of the enemy because we’re so mad or hurt or saddened. Whatever emotion it is that the problem is bringing up for you.
Molly sent me an inspirational post the other day that had an image associated with it. It was two adults sitting facing away from each other obviously in a fight or mad at each other. The people were sort of transparent and inside each person was an image of a child and both little inner child was reaching out wishing to connect. Basically saying that our inner child and our true nature is to connect. It’s our built up wall of pride and ego that keeps us from realizing that our true nature wants to forgive and let go. But how do we do that when we feel the other person has a problem that is causing our pain?
Well. A few years ago I saw a meme that said it’s not you against the other person and their problem. It’s you and the other person against the problem. So basically you separate out the problem. Sometimes people do things they aren’t proud of and they feel alone in the solution.
But how would it feel to hear from someone “hey, you don’t have to navigate this alone. We are a team and together we can get on the other side of this problem. I’m right her with you. It’s you and me against the problem not me against you and your problem or you against me and my problem. Separate out the problem. The problem is the enemy not the person. The person is a human being that wants and craves connection and love.
So it could work in any scenario where you have a relationship that you want to make work. So with your partner, your sister, your mom or dad, your friend, even your coworker. It could work on any different problem.
Financial problems, drinking problems, health problems.
It could work on any problem with any person.
Molly was telling me about a situation at work where she had a person that she felt was blocking her from closing a massive deal. One person was the problem to her closing a deal she really needed. So she used this technique in that situation beautifully I might add. She went directly to the person and instead of making it about the person, she separated out the problem from the person. So she got to know the person and built rapport with her and found out what the problem was. It wasn’t the person it was the perception the person had of the product Molly was trying to place. Not only did Molly end up closing the deal, she also has a new friend. The person and the problem were completely different things. It’s always about identifying and separating out the problem from the person. Humans learn very well with visuals and I like the idea of taking the problem and viewing it like a box and now both of you are studying it and you work out a solution together like a team.
. Identifying the problem is key. If you don’t pinpoint the problem then the solution is very hard to come by. If you think the person is the problem, well you may not want that solution.
My challenge to you this week is to realize It’s never who is the problem, it’s what is the problem and then go tackle that problem together. Me and you against the problem feels like there’s gonna be a team solution and I love that. Share this with three people who may be dealing with a problem or two. I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days.
