Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 656 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! I’m so glad you’re hanging with me today. If you’re new be sure to subscribe, I drop new 10 minute episodes every Monday and Friday and they are meant to help us keep our head in the game. That’s most often where we win or lose in life is in our very own head. So keep hanging out with me and we will navigate it all together.
Because you know, life can be messy. And we aren’t always our best and the people around us aren’t always at their best either. And we all want to be loved even when we are messy, but do we show that same compassion when someone close to us is having a messy day? That’s my question for the day, how do we show up in love when it’s not easy or pleasant. Because let’s be honest, it’s one thing to love someone when everything is smooth and they’re in a great mood. It’s a whole different thing to love them when they’re not.
So often my episodes are from my own life experience, be it good or bad, and the things I learn along the way about myself, I share in hopes that maybe you see yourself a bit in the story and grow right along with me. This episode is one of those.
My husband recently had a really rough week at work. Long hours, super tedious brain work, the kind that just drains you. He’s normally flying planes, which is his dream job and he loves it so much, but this week he was on a special project where he was in a room with no windows and fluorescent lights for very long days. Definitely not his cup of tea, but he’s a pilot and he’s extremely detail oriented and so of course they would want him for that project, anyway, I could tell it was really weighing on him because he had to be there early and stay late, so his workouts suffered, the food in the cafeteria didn’t have the healthiest options and to top it off the AC was stuck on freezing so it was super cold in the room. None of that is ideal. He wasn’t a happy camper. So there were days when he would come home and he was cranky. Like, really cranky. I found myself feeling irritated at him and wanting to find excuses to go to the store or just get out of his way. It wasn’t that I didn’t love him — I do, so much — but in that moment it felt easier to pull back than to lean in. I was only seeing the situation from my point of view, not being considerate of his. So I pulled away a little and also I could feel myself getting short with him, even though I knew he was the one that was having a rough week. Not my finest hour….but We got through it and he is back to his happy self, which I knew he would.
But as life often does on our recent road-trip I came face to face with myself, we listened to a Tony Robbins and Sage podcast where they were doing some interventions. Those are my favorites. And in one of them they talked about how it’s easy to love when someone is pleasant, but true deep love loves even when it’s not pleasant. That line landed right in my chest. I looked over at my husband driving and I just felt this little nudge inside me. I needed to hear that. I needed to do better. He deserved better last week.
I know when I’m cranky, I don’t want him to be cranky back, I want him to love me through it, so why wouldn’t I do the same for him?
And this really applies to all our relationships — not just with our partners, but with our family and our closest friends too. I read a quote recently by Yolanda Adams that “Anyone can love you when things are alright. It takes courage to love when things are not good, when things are challenging”. Sometimes thats when it’s needed the most.
I think about the times in my past when Ive been going through hard things and I remember the people who went through them with me, not judging, not turning their backs on me, just loving me through it, even when I had made a decision they didn’t agree with, they still l loved me and I will never forget those people. It makes me want to be one of those people.
Because the truth is, real love — the deep kind that lasts — isn’t only for the sunny, easy days. It’s for the cranky weeks, the long work stretches, the family gatherings that feel tense, and the moments when a friend is going through something hard and isn’t showing up as their best self. And I realized I had sometimes been treating love like something I only had to practice when it felt good.
Since that drive I’ve been paying attention to how I respond in those harder moments. It’s not about pretending everything is fine or forcing some big grand gesture. It’s smaller and quieter than that. It’s catching myself when I start to pull away and choosing, even for just a minute, to stay close instead. It’s reminding myself, “This is the hard part, and I’m still choosing us.” It’s offering a small gesture — maybe just a hand on his shoulder, a text to check on a friend, or listening to a family member without jumping in with advice — even when I’m feeling irritated. And I’ve noticed something beautiful: For me, it’s actually feels so much better to love anyway than to be irritated and pull away out of pride. I mean we’re not going anywhere, we are going to be together forever so why make life harder than it needs to be? So, We reconnect faster. And I feel more at peace with myself too.
I’m not saying it’s easy. It’s not. But it feels like the kind of love I want to build — the kind that shows up on the hard days, not just the good ones.
So here’s my challenge for this week: the next time someone you love — your partner, a family member, or a friend — is grumpy or maybe going through a hard spot, instead of avoiding or pulling away. Ask yourself, “What would deep love do right now?” It might be staying in the room instead of leaving.
It might be offering one small kind word. It might just be giving yourself grace while you figure it out. Whatever it is, try it and notice what happens.
I’d love to hear about it — drop a comment or send me a message and tell me how it went. We’re all human and we all have messy days where we want someone to love us anyway, let’s return the favor.
Real love is worth fighting for, even on the days it doesn’t feel easy.
I love you guys so much. I’ll talk to you in a few days!
