Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 394 of the wildly successful lifestyle podcast! Thanks for hanging out with me. Sometimes I tell you guys things about my life and I think man that makes me look like a jerk but I tell it anyway because I’m growing from these realizations and I hope it helps you grow too.
I had a friend this week tell me how sometimes when she’s upset her husband gets upset with her because she’s upset and now everybody’s upset and it feels like her bad day has gone from bad to worse. Do you guys ever do that?
The person you love is having a bad day, which in turn makes you have a bad day? And now it feels like a war zone with land mines everywhere you step? Why do we do that? She’s not the only one experiencing it either. I could so totally relate, with her husband. Haha. I find myself doing the same thing with my husband!
I talk about Eric my husband a lot. Mainly because he really is amazing, I feel like I hit the lottery…most of the time. I’d say 95% of the time. And then there is the other roughly 5%. I love him always but that 5% sometimes I don’t like him.
It’s been a little extra crazy around here with our little Kenzie being sick every other day literally. My husband, Eric is having to deal with stress from work and so there have been a few days where he has been let’s say…less than fun. Is that a nice way to put it?
So the other day was one of those days of struggle, he was having a bad day, which I noticed I was also letting it turn into me having a bad day. I almost canceled my workout with Kevin, that’s how not good of a day it was turning out to be. But in a wildly successful lifestyle you don’t just skip a workout because you don’t feel like it, right? I knew I’d be better if I went. I just didn’t realize Eric would be better because I went too.
You guys hear about my trainer Kevin a lot, I know. But he is a big part of both mine and Eric’s life, he is a great physical coach but even more than that for me especially, he is a mindset coach. We’ve been working out together for about 7 years….he knows me pretty well by now to the point where when I show up struggling..I can’t hide it. So I get to my workout after almost canceling and he could see something was off so he says ok….what’s up. So I told him my sad little story of how Eric was grumpy because of stress at work and the stress both of us are under with Kenzie, and when he is grumpy like that I don’t want to be around him. Kevin listened and when I was done he just looked at me and said isn’t that interesting you don’t want to be around him right when he needs you the most.
And a little pain shot through my heart and I thought ouch he’s right and I know it. I just didn’t see it that way at the time because I was thinking about how his mood was affecting me, not how I could make his day better. Once again I’m doing that human thing of seeing everything through the lens of me and making his bad day about me.
I want things to always be happy so I get irritated when he’s irritated. Why can’t he have a bad day without me making it about me? He doesn’t get that way very often. So how do I be there for him instead of meeting him where he is? You see In my mind I blamed him for me not wanting to be around him when he was grumpy….when really he just needed a minute and wanted to feel seen and loved. I was making it all about me when it really had nothing to do with me. So when I got back home from the gym, after my conversation with Kevin instead of hiding out in another room to avoid him…which would normally be the case…I said hey, we both just worked out, let’s take a bath and relax and spend a little time together before you have to go to work, what do ya think? Which made him smile and he said I would love that. So that’s what we did. Which made both of us enjoy the rest of the day, and it sort of snowballed good decisions for both of us because we were so happy to have flipped the script from where it was heading. It literally changed how our week went. Now, My normal response would have been to avoid conflict or pain by staying in another room or going shopping or something which would have us avoiding each other until he left for work and then by the time he got back home the next day, we would both be over it but just like everything you do consistently, that can become a habit too. Their bad day isn’t about you so don’t make it that way.
And I think it’s more prevalent for me than I realized. Today is the 1 year anniversary of my big sisters husband dying and so I brought her here to visit me for a few days to give her a change of pace. I noticed my thoughts yesterday went to how hard today was going to be and how I didn’t want to feel sad all day but she’s gonna be so sad which makes me sad. But you see that’s me meeting her where she is instead of just being there for her and raising her energy where I can. How do I do that? By not making it about me. I brought her here to cheer her up and that’s what I will do no matter how much I want to run from the sadness, I certainly won’t because that’s when she needs me the most.
More than likely you have a habit of how you respond to conflict with those you love the most, which means nothing is gonna change unless you change. I know now that I tend towards making it about me. When it’s not about me at all. And I get to actively choose if I’m going to meet them where they are by joining in their sadness or their anger or their bad moment OR if I’m gonna be a force for good for them. That’s my choice.
When someone is having a bad day, that’s when they need you the most.
My challenge to you today is to remember that the people we love will have bad days and it doesn’t have to mean we have a bad day too. Be a force for good when they need it the most. Share this with 3 people who are a force for good. I love you guys! I’ll talk to you in a few days.
