Hi guys! Welcome to episode 213 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! Thanks for hanging out with me today. In the last episode I talked about how our thoughts we are having can make things better or worse and they can also affect our relationships with others.
Sometimes we expect or want someone else to fix us. Our partner is often the perfect target. We think they should be doing something different, if they would do that I would feel better. Or maybe if they weren’t so grumpy I wouldn’t be so grumpy. But here’s the thing. You’re gonna be you regardless of who you’re with. You’re you. And I’m going to add right here that you are exactly where you’re supposed to be wherever that is. Be ok with that and work forward from there. Tony Robbins always says “You take you with you”.
Knowing this one thing saved me from making a big mistake during a time when I was struggling internally from what we now know was a hormone issue.
The reason why it saved me was I knew I wasn’t happy and I wanted to blame something or someone other than myself but when you are struggling that’s never a good time to make a major move because you’re probably not thinking from your prefrontal cortex (that’s the part of your brain where you’re planning and making logical reasonable decisions)you’re more than likely reacting from your primitive brain which is where you are reacting to emotions, acting impulsive.
I went through a phase a few years ago, I’ve talked a little about it but my hormones got all out of whack. There was a bit of time where I couldn’t get happy and that’s not normal for me. Happy is my set point. It always has been but I was having trouble getting there, so of course the easy thing to do is try to blame something external. Maybe you think I don’t like where I live, that must be it or I need to change jobs or maybe you think I need a new partner that makes me happier. These are all normal thoughts but they do not serve you because they are all external and for me I couldn’t figure out what the problem was but there was one thing I knew with all my heart. I was going to take me along no matter where I move, no matter what job I had and no matter who I was with. That saved me from making an impulsive decision. The best advice I can give anyone considering a big life decision right now.. is get happy and then. Get happy inside and then make that decision. If you chase happiness externally you’ll always be running.
When I say get happy and then make a decision. I’ll give you a couple examples. I have a good friend who had a job she really liked but had a few people she could not get along with so she wasn’t happy and decided she needed to change jobs because of those people. So she did. Only to find she worked with people at her new job too and the same problems were coming up. This happened a few times. She’s chasing happiness, and eventually she is going to get tired. You take you with you. How many of us have ever seen a friend jumping from relationship to relationship and they always seemed to have the same problems. I like to use the analogy of what’s the common denominator? The common denominator is always you. You are always wherever you are. The common denominator is you and the thoughts you consistently have. Are they creating better relationships or are they causing you problems in your relationships?
You have to be the reason you wake up happy. It’s not that person lying next to you, that’s responsible for your happiness. They can add to it of course but they cannot make you happy. They cannot do it for you no matter how hard they try and some do. True happiness comes from inside and it lives and dies with our thoughts.
And I always make sure to say this when I’m on this topic. Make sure you don’t have a hormone problem. Internal Happiness is worth the cost of getting to the problem of a hormone problem. And it’s not just for women. Men can have low testosterone that messes them up too.
If you’re chemically balanced but you’re having lots of relationship issues…check the common denominator. It more than likely has everything to do with your thoughts.
I’ll give you an example for me this last week when we got back from Belize, I was sitting doing my morning routine and I was thinking about all the laundry I had to do and my thoughts started down the path of why isn’t Eric helping me with that? There’s so much laundry from being gone 2 weeks and that led me to start kind of beating him up in my head..and let me preface this with that he does a lot around the house. He cleans he does more than I do if I’m being honest so these thoughts I was having were not only unfair they were untrue too. But they also can affect the way I greet him when he wakes up because now I’m irritated at him and he has no idea why. Not a good way to start the day. All because of my thoughts and not even true thoughts. As I always say though…being aware of them allowed me to see that and change them. Our thoughts about the people around us affect our relationship with them even if they don’t know what you’re thinking of them. Can you see that? Can you start being aware of how your thoughts about someone else affects your relationship with them?
My guess is you have someone in your life that can do no wrong. Maybe a best friend, your daughter, your granddaughter or maybe your dog! Our dog may be the only one for some of us. I don’t know. But more than likely it’s because of your thoughts about them that make you overlook anything they do wrong, maybe you laugh it off.
If you wanted. You could have those same thoughts about your partner that’s annoying you, or your coworker that’s getting under your skin.
We get into thought patterns about people and they’re hard to get out of because the way you think about them dictates how you treat them which dictates how your relationship is and it’s a vicious cycle that all boils down to you and your thoughts.
My challenge to you this week is to look at your most important relationships. Think about what thoughts you have consistently about those people. Are your thoughts about them making you excited to see them or making you dread seeing them? And if you’re unhappy and you’re considering a life change, just remember…you’re taking you with you. You’re the common denominator.
If you’re constantly chasing happiness externally, you’re gonna have to keep running and running and you’re eventually gonna get tired. So keep doing those things that grow you and take care of you, and empower you like meditation, exercise, good nutrition, positive input like self improvement books and podcasts like mine. You never regret doing those things. I love you guys. I’ll talk to you in a few days!
