Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 411 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! It’s nice to be with you, I hope you’re feeling good, taking care of yourself and doing your absolute best to be the best version of you that you can possibly be. Because there’s no-one just like you, yet we are all so very similar in our humanness. Your perspective on life and how you act on that depicts the overall trajectory of your life. It’s good to be confident in who you are. When you are confident in who you are, you feel less threatened by who others are and also less inclined to worry about what others think about who you are. The people that have this confidence I find have a honesty and vulnerability about them that’s so refreshing.
We were having dinner with our friends Jerry and Leena at a new restaurant. The food was good, atmosphere was decent. So we all finish dinner and when the waiter has gone to process our payment, Jerry says “who else is gonna eat again when they get home?” Eric laughed and he said “me!” I actually had noticed the portions were a little small but I laughed so hard because even if I had of been hungry I would never had said out loud that I was gonna eat again when I got home! The just simple honesty of the statement was really refreshing. Before we went to eat we had gone to see the movie “the boys in the boat”, I talked about reading that book in a recent episode but when we were talking before the movie Leena said when you were reading the book did it make you want to go row a boat somewhere?? I laughed because it so did! That was my thought throughout the book was how it made me want to do that. but again I wouldn’t have said it probably because I have an idea of an image of what I present to people and what sometimes I think in private. I really value authenticity, I love people who are authentic and refreshingly honest.
I notice at times I feel like I’m an outlier or I think weird thoughts but I would never say them out loud for fear of judgement but in reality that’s one of the things I notice I love most about people. That they are real and they don’t feel the need to be someone they aren’t but they also give you permission to be who you are too. It feels good to be around people like that because everything is real.
We were at a party recently and we ended up talking to a new couple that we hadn’t spent much time with. I had seen her at the gym a lot but we never really had talked. The idea I had in my head was so different from the person she really was. She had on this really cool shirt that was sexy and classy at the same time and when I complimented it she said oh, thanks I do not normally wear anything like this I’m normally 90% of the time in gym clothes to the point where when my 19 year old daughter saw what I was wearing tonight, she asked me if I was really gonna wear this out. And she just laughed about it. It was so refreshing. No airs no pretense just real.
It made me realize how often I curb myself from saying things I think for fear that other people will judge me when in all reality, they are probably thinking it too or something like it.
I know why I do this it’s from growing up in a religion built almost solely on judgement. Judgement of everything you said or did to the point where you had to hide any unapproved thought for fear of being pulled into the back room to have to explain or answer for it.
Old habits die hard. But die they will if you recognize you have them and then you work on making new ones.
I confess a lot of things to you guys that listen. And I thank you for letting me be real. I don’t feel judged. I feel seen. And I hope I’m a way this makes you feel seen.
Those thoughts you have, the ones you think are unique to you, more than likely I have them too or someone else does.
It’s refreshing for someone to be honest and vulnerable because it lets you know they are comfortable with who they are which in a way gives you permission to be comfortable with who you are.
Not that you need permission but some of us me included may just need to be reminded that we are worthy and loved just as we are, flaws and all. I bet most of us at some point or another growing up had someone judge us or withhold love from us if we weren’t exactly what they wanted us to be and if that happens too much you start hiding who you are. You start morphing your outer shell into something that’s acceptable to every single person you come in contact with for fear you’ll be rejected. And in the meantime you get so far detached from who you really are that you have no idea anymore so you look to others to help you decide. That’s an awful lot of responsibility for someone else and a lot of uncertainty and confusion for you.
Eric and I spent a recent rainy Saturday afternoon in our local bookstore, we had lunch there and then we just browsed looking for a yummy book. I could spend hours in the bookstore and so could Eric. As we were making our decisions on books we were going to get I noticed that I was a little embarrassed by my book choice and wondered what Eric would think and then I was reminded, as I often am with him, that he loves me for who I am. I don’t have to hide from him. So I showed him my book choice and ask him what he thinks, he does exactly what I would expect, he checks the ratings on the book on the internet to see if it did well and it did. He doesn’t judge me on my book at all, he just wants me to have the best experience possible so he checks the ratings, he’s so logical I love it. He may not be interested in my book but that doesn’t have to have any bearing on my wanting to read it. But I’m proud that I’m noticing that it’s my issue, not his. In the past I might have felt judged simply because I was creating in my head that he was judging me when he wasn’t not at all. I guess old habits do die hard. But the only way they do die is if you notice them and replace them with a new habit.
Being comfortable with who you are is one of the best feelings I think I’ve ever felt. It’s becoming my norm but I still have moments where I revert back to the little girl who morphed into something other than she was to be deemed acceptable. That used to be my comfort, knowing I could morph to be acceptable, the funny thing is now…it actually makes me very uncomfortable when I notice myself hiding a thought or morphing myself to fit in. I don’t want to fit in if it means I have to be something Im not, thats inauthentic and for someone who highly values authenticity, of course that would be uncomfortable. The good thing about it is Im noticing it now as a knee jerk reaction to a long held habit I created growing up in a judgmental religion. But just the fact that I notice it now is a huge step, that means I am well on the road to changing it.
My challenge to you this week is to notice when you feel the need to hide who you are and ask yourself….What would happen if I simply was authentically who I am without needing for others to approve, appreciate or agree? People are starving for utter honesty. Try it, it really is quite refreshing. Share this with 3 people who make you feel like you can be you without hiding. I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days!
