Hi guys! Welcome to episode 543 of the wildly successful lifestyle podcast! Thanks for being here with me! It’s so fun to connect with you guys twice a week even if it is just for 10 min at a time. I’m better for having you in my life so thanks for being here.
How often do you think bad thoughts about someone you really like or maybe even someone you really love? It’s ok, no judging here because we all do it to a degree. But it’s the degree in which we do it that we need to have a quick chat about. We know thoughts are gonna come up but if they aren’t helping then dwelling on them just makes everything worse.
I was talking with a friend of mine recently, they own a house that right next to their own house and so they have renters in there and they’re a lovely family and they take great care of the house, but they’re extremely particular and so there’s been several things that they’re having to address and she told me that she really likes them, but she is working hard to not get irritated by them or maybe dread seeing or talking to them because she keeps having these thoughts of how high maintenance they are even though they take great care of their house and they pay on time every month.
Who hasn’t had a situation where somebody that you like does something that you don’t like and now you get to decide if it’s gonna become a problem or not. You get to decide if you’re going to focus on the things that bother you about them or not.
And sometimes it’s people that are really close to us like our husband or our sisters or our parents. My husband has recently been flying overseas a lot so he when he comes home he’s tired and sometimes when he’s tired, he’s grumpy and there have been times where I’ve caught myself thinking oh he’s just so grumpy and I’m so irritated at him right now, but if I keep thinking those thoughts, it’s really gonna affect how I treat him. So why in the world would I want to keep thinking those thoughts? It’s human nature for us to have thoughts about other people, some of which are not great. but continuing to think about the thought and dwell on the negative thoughts about other people is a big reason why we have problems in relationships. I am certain that I do things that get on Eric‘s nerves and he probably has the same thoughts about me, but if that was all either one of us focused on regularly, our relationship would really suffer. So it’s not abnormal to have thoughts about other people that they get on your nerves or that you’re mad at them or what they did was not what you would want them to do but left on auto pilot. Those thoughts can snowball and now you’re treating that person differently may be avoiding them maybe picking fights with them. My friend with her renters would possibly create friction where there doesn’t need to be if I get focused on my husband being cranky because he’s tired now I’m gonna be cranky and now we could have a full-blown problem. That’s why it’s so good to pay attention to the thoughts we have about other people. It’s normal to have them but it’s problematic when we dwell on them. That’s why it’s helpful when someone reminds you to be aware of your thoughts, like I usually do twice a week, it reminds me too! but it’s also helpful when someone points out that hey, you may be the problem here. When Eric came home and he was a little bit tired and grumpy, the next morning I was at the gym working out with Kevin, my trainer, who usually sets me straight on things and he did this time as well. He can generally read my mood fairly easily. Today was no different so he said let’s hear it. What’s going on ?You seem a little off today and I said oh it’s just Eric is a little cranky And he looked at me and he said that man has been flying all night. He’s tired. Don’t you think he deserves a little Grace Kevin calling me out made me realize that my poor as soon as his tired and I need to give him grace. Of course he was right and I checked myself right then in there and it wasn’t a problem from then on, but she with a lot of events will do as we complain to the wrong person and that person is like yeah he shouldn’t be treating you like that and now we’re in a full-blown complain about Eric session. How do you think that’s gonna make me treat when I get home? Most of us don’t wake up in the morning and say you know what I think I’m gonna pick a fight today. Most of us want to live our lives happily and without drama it’s definitely possible for all of us. We just have to decide so in our head because most of the relationships we ruin, we ruin in our mind first.
Remember that the next time you are having negative thoughts about someone else remember that that matters and how you treat them and if you keep having those negative thoughts, it’s going to snowball and it is going to eventually wreck the relationship
A good rule of thumb is when you have a thought about another person that is it great ask yourself is this making my relationship better and also is this a deal killer for me? So is it something that I can overlook or is it something that is a deal killer in a way that yeah I don’t think I wanna be friends with that person any longer for that behavior is not something I want to tolerate you choose all of that time the answer to those questions is making my relationship better or is it ideal killer most of the time the answer is no.
Is the answer to both of those are no then you have to ask yourself Why are you thinking it? Why do you keep thinking that if it makes you feel bad and makes you dislike or distrust someone else when it’s not a deal killer? So is my friend going to fire her renters because they’re high maintenance no, she’s not because they take care of the house and they pay on time and they’re actually really nice. She likes them, but she was thinking and dwelling on the negative aspects of that professional relationship so it makes sense she’s creating drama in her own head for no reason. Is my husband being cranky every once in a while because he’s been working all night, a deal killer for me absolutely not so thinking any of those negative thoughts about him makes no sense.
My challenge to you is the next time you have a negative thought about someone you love or maybe even someone you just like, basically someone you would like to keep around, ask yourself is this a deal killer for me? Do I want this relationship to end because of this thing they did or said? If the answer is no than continuing to dwell on that thought is ruining the relationship in your head, which will eventually cause you to act in a way that may ruin the actual relationship, even if it’s subconscious. And, If that’s not what you ultimately want, then why keep thinking it? Its human to have a negative thought, we aren’t robots, right? But it’s freeing to catch them, question them, and let them go. If it’s not worth ending things over, give yourself permission to move on. Share this with three people who live with grace, I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days!
