Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 345 of The Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! So that’s a catchy title isn’t it? Who doesn’t want to feel and be attractive? We all do.
I love this episode because it gives such beautiful perspective on our life and where we are and how it’s going. It’s not meant to be judgey. It’s meant to be a mirror for all of us. I first considered the title being “Would your partner ask you out today?”
But I wanted it to be inclusive to everyone including single people. So it does apply to all of us because we are all working to be the best version of ourselves that’s possible and that of course includes feeling and being attractive.
I saw a question posted last week that said if someone who really really loved you, took over your life, what would be the first thing they would change in order for us to be the best version of ourselves?
Isn’t that an interesting question. Really think about it. Because it causes us to step outside our perspective and look at our life from a person that isn’t us, but is truly wanting us to be our best. What changes would they make first? Now it’s super easy to stay in your own perspective while you do this and think, you know, Im pretty good. Yeah, I think Im good. I know because I did that. But when I really got out of my own head I was able to see some things that I needed to change on a mindset level. So the first thing I think someone would change is my tendency to being a bit judgmental about other people, and then also I think they would address my confirmation bias by diversifying what content I consume. And one last one, I think they would do a full stop on alcohol for me. So Im really glad they aren’t in charge yet because Im going to Italy next week and that would be hard. But you see when I really stepped out of myself I was able to come up with some very valid changes that would certainly make me better if I did them. It doesn’t always feel good, but it’s a good thing to acknowledge because there’s always room for growth, Continuous improvement is one of the most attractive things we can do.
Speaking of attractive. So, When I was thinking about the topic of would my partner ask me out today? I thought If Eric, my husband and I weren’t married, would I catch his eye? Would he want to date me? We’ve been together for almost 18 years now. Over the last 18 years have I grown and continued to live to the values that I had when I first met him? You see the questions we have to ask are of ourselves, not of our partner or our friends or family.
But it’s always good to check in. We get so busy sometimes that we forget that we matter, how we show up matters, how we feel when we look in the mirror matters. Of course we have other responsibilities but if we don’t take care of ourselves who will? How you present yourself matters whether you’re married or single. It matters in how you show up. It matters in how people treat you. It matters in how your partner interacts with you. I know for me if I don’t have my nails done and Ive eaten bad or drank too much, I certainly don’t want to be lovey dovey with my husband….mainly because Im not feeling my best. If you have a romantic partner how you show up matters. Even if you’ve been married for a while. I don’t know about you but I don’t want a roommate, I want a lover, I want someone that I respect and that respects me back. All of that doesn’t just happen by chance, it takes effort. When you take care of yourself and respect yourself other people respect you too. When you feel beautiful and sexy, you show up differently to your partner. We don’t like to think it matters especially if we’ve been together for a while but human nature doesn’t change just because we’re comfortable with each other. They still want to be attracted to you as much as you want to feel attractive. Which again takes effort.
When I met Eric, my husband, it was at a Tony Robbins seminar. Tony had us all make a list of exactly what we wanted in a partner. Everything. How do they look, how do they eat, do they want children, do they exercise? How much? What do they do? What’s their level of education? How are they financially? Do they go to church? All the things you want in a partner. Write it all down and make a list. It didn’t matter if you were married already or single, he had us all do a list.
But then once we all had our nice little structured list of everything we would want in a partner, he turned it on us. He said “Now look at yourself, are you all those things? How do you stack up to your list? If you want someone fit but you aren’t or if you want someone that has their finances all together but yours are a mess, it made us all really think. We had to look in the mirror and say ok if I want to attract this, I have to be this. Because Like attracts Like.
The other thing is if you are in a relationship with someone…..
Are you still treating them the way you did when you first met? Are you still having sex with them the way you did when you first were dating or first married? Do you spend time fixing yourself up when you’re around them? Even just hanging out, do you put your best foot forward? If you left notes before or sent sweet texts or voicemails, are you still doing that?
I don’t care how solid you think your relationship is, it still needs nurturing.
And look Ive said this before but the most important relationship you have is the one with yourself. If you don’t love yourself enough to take care of YOU how are you gonna accept love from someone else? If you don’t feel your worthy enough to really take care of yourself by exercising, eating healthy, doing the maintenance, how are you gonna feel worthy of having that partner that does?
And if things have gotten off track for you in the self love, self care department and you say it’s because your partner doesn’t care or your partner eats terrible so you do too. That is the most disempowering thing you can say because now not only are you blaming them, you are removing any power you have to change it. Ghandi said “Be the change you wish to see”. You start changing and they’re gonna notice and maybe they will change with you, and even if they don’t, the momentum you have will move you forward and they will start making changes too. That’s how it works. We can’t always expect someone else to be the kickstarter for us, if There’s a change you’ve been wanting to make, you have it in you to make it.
We have all seen how people who find themselves single for the first time in a while all of a sudden start taking care of themselves so they can be attractive to a partner. Why don’t we do that when we are knee deep in marriage or a committed relationship? It’s not too late to do it. You’re worth it and your relationship is worth it.
My challenge to you today is to make that list of your perfect partner whether your in a committed relationship or single. Now you already know we are going to be turning it around on you but don’t let that limit you. You are just as worthy of having the exact body you want and the exact mindset you want, the exact financial situation you want as you are of having the exact partner you want. Most of the time that partner isn’t someone new, it’s the guy or girl right in front of you loving you even though your imperfect and you doing the same with them. Tony Robbins says if you were madly in love with someone you can find that love again…..But you have to be madly in love with yourself first…when you’re madly in love you’ll do anything for that person. What will you do for yourself?
Share this with 3 people you love madly. I love you guys, Ill talk to you in a few days.