Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 519 of the wildly successful lifestyle podcast! Good to be with you! I feel good about the direction of our country and I feel good about the optimism I feel and I hope you do too. Even though there will always be things that happen, that’s life but we just have to remember ultimately things are working in our favor in SOME way….Even when tough things happen. Speaking of tough……
It seems fires of some sort are always happening in California. These last fires were really bad though. The Pallasades fire was unbelievably destructive. So many people lost their homes. I don’t know if you guys ever watched the hills. It was a semi reality show. I would catch a few here and there, but anyway one of the girls on the show was Heidi Montag. The whole idea of the show was drama. Long story short, Heidi lost her home in the recent Pallasades fires. So people have rallied to get her music back up on the charts to help her and her husband pay to rebuild, apparently their insurance was canceled. So of course she’s in the news on X so I saw an old interview pop up and I thought why would they have this interview going viral now? So I watched it. And I’m kind of glad I did. I don’t know her but it seemed what I remember she was a sweetheart. In this interview though the woman doing the interview was kind of nasty. She was basically condescendingly asking Heidi questions and suggesting she should feel bad about making money from being famous for being famous. Heidi said she was just happy to be getting a paycheck. She would rather make money being famous for being famous rather than working in her parents restaurant. To that the interviewer said well isn’t there something about putting in the work, I think I would prefer to put in the work by working at the restaurant. Suggesting she knew better and her way is of course better. But Heidi sweetly just said “but that’s would be your path now wouldn’t it?.” I love how she handled that. I mean we can debate what’s right and wrong but when we inject how we would have done something and it would have been better or when we judge other people for their journey, it’s really a judgement on us. Because we can’t define someone by what we think of them. We really are defining ourself as someone who needs to judge. It becomes so clear when we watch it happen in plain site like that interview with Heidi. That interviewer came off as condescending and judgey. It made me realize that’s probably how any of us come off when we do that, maybe we just do n’t realize it.
We do it though. Most of us anyway. We inject our judgements on people all the time. And it may just be thoughts about other people, it may not be that we say it to them. But what’s kind of worse is if we won’t say it to them but we say it behind their back. I mean we even do it to people we love in the name of “trying to help them”. But how does me judging someone behind their back help them? It doesn’t. It just makes me a judger. When I judge someone I am actually the one hurting the relationship, not them. We think it’s harmless but it does damage even if it isn’t spoken. Negative thoughts about someone even if we don’t speak them affects how we treat them and affects how they feel around us. Unspoken communication influences our social interactions more than we realize. We think we are being subtle or coy but unless you are a master manipulator, it’s out there.
Judgement of other people may feel good because it deflects from our own perceived flaws, and it may seem harmless as long as we don’t speak it, but Humans are sensitive to social cues and can feel it even if you don’t speak it.
I’m drawn to the idea because the book I’m reading right now “Real Magic” Wayne Dyer talks about how our relationships suffer when we judge whether we speak the judgements or not. But when we allow ourselves to love people where they are and just let them be who they are, then relationships thrive. We are all on our own paths towards our own purpose and our own fulfillment. No one has it all figured out but the more you speak from love and lead from your higher self which never judges, your higher self doesn’t judge you and it doesn’t judge other people. The more you live from that place the more you influence in a positive way because it allows others to connect to their higher self when they’re around you. And sometimes they ask your advice. If you’re like me I think “I’m just trying to figure things out, how can I give advice that’s gonna help?” Jeff Warren during a meditation says people will often ask him for life advice and he feels like he’s just figuring things out too but what he does is he simply shares what’s been true for him, which might help the one asking for advice find their own truth as well.
I like that. My path is no better than yours. It just looks different. We’re all doing the best we can with what we have. No one wakes up and says “hmmm today I think I’ll mess my life up more than I already have”. No. They’re simply surviving the best way they know how. Our judging them means nothing about them and everything about us. I’m aware now that I do it and because I’m aware now and because I know how damaging it is even if left unspoken, I’m catching when I do it and I tell myself “love them where they are, judging them is my lower self needing to feel superior”. Which if you think about it, isn’t very flattering, nor is it helping me live my best life and have strong healthy relationships. Which is what we want!
My challenge to you today is to recognize how your judging thoughts are more about YOU than the other person and also subtly bringing a wrecking ball to the strength of that relationship. So stop it! But seriously, come up with a thought that serves you and the other person when you realize you’re judging. Something like “they’re doing the best they can with what they have” or “I’m gonna love them where they are” or maybe “they’re on their perfect path and I’m on mine”. When you begin to think your way is better and those judgey thoughts start creeping in….maybe check yourself by reminding yourself that Well but that’s simply my path, now isn’t it? Share this with three people who are on their perfect path. I love you guys! I’ll talk to you in a few days.
