Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 610 of the wildly successful lifestyle podcast! I’m Heidi and I’m happy to be with you….and You are amazing for being here. So Thank you!
I read this week on a post by Rumi where he said “Distance is the only answer to disrespect. Don’t react. Don’t argue. Don’t get involved in drama. Simply remove your presence. I love that. If someone disrespects you, you aren’t going to talk them into respecting you or argue them into respecting you, so you have to just remove yourself. So good. And Timely too because we are in a time where we are going to parties, spending more time with family, it’s that time of year as I record this. It’s The holiday season, the time of year where we often spend lots more time with our family and for a lot of us that is just amazing. For some maybe not so much because with family gatherings sometimes come a few glasses of wine and then everyone gets a little more comfortable saying what’s on their mind, you know what I mean. It can be a little funny and maybe a little challenging and maybe even intolerable if we aren’t careful. But we can all get through it together I promise you that!
Have you ever found yourself justifying your position to people who show no willingness to hear it? It can be very tiresome can’t it? I mean trying to have a rational outcome with someone irrational just ends up with you needing a glass of wine just to make it through dinner. What if we just choose instead not to engage? Now before you get irritated and consider that a defeatist attitude, I am going to flip it so that you don’t think it’s defeatist, but it’s actually the way to protect your peace at all cost. Because I’m with you, I like to correct the record, or let someone know when I think they are completely wrong, but I’ve learned that the question “do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” Carries a Lot of water when it comes to protecting your peace.
There’s a fable that I read a long time ago, it pops up on my timeline periodically, sometimes when I need it the most… it’s this…. One day, a donkey and a tiger got into an argument over the color of the grass. “The grass is blue” said the donkey. “That’s ridiculous,” replied the tiger. “The grass is clearly green.”
When the argument grew more and more intense they decided to find the lion, king of the jungle, to settle the debate. When they approached the lion the donkey quickly exclaimed, “Your highness, isn’t it true that the grass is blue?” Yes, the lion calmly answered. “The grass is blue”. Not yet satisfied, the donkey continued, “the tiger disagrees and argues with me, you must punish him”. The lion nodded “I will, the tiger will br punished with a year of silence.” The donkey walked off into the jungle, celebrating his victory. Before the tiger turned to leave, he looked up at the lion. “Your highness, why have you punished me? After all, you must see the grass is clearly green”
The lion nodded “Yes, of course the grass is green.”
Then why am I being punished?” Asked the tiger.
“Because someone as wise as you should never waste time proving anything to a fool”
You see there will be times in your life when you’re drawn into a discussion with someone who has no capacity to act in good faith. They have no intention of listening to your position or changing their mind. They just want to argue. In those moments you can choose to opt out. Stop justifying your position to people who show no willingness to hear it. Stop chasing rational outcomes with irrational people.
I know this isn’t easy because I’ve lived it. My younger sister cut me off completely, not because I was cruel or dramatic but because I quietly let the religion were were raised in. I felt like I was erased from her life. For a long time I felt like the tiger, not that I had conversations with my actual sister, but I had LOTS of conversations with her in my head. She lived rent free for a while in there. When I read that line in the fable “someone as wise as you should never waste time proving anything to a fool”. It opened my eyes. Now my sister isn’t a fool, she just needs the grass to be blue right now because green would upend her whole world. So I stopped putting any energy into that relationship and got my peace back. I still love her, but I’m no longer punishing myself trying to change what only she can change.
I read this week that Keanu Reeves said once in an interview that he was “at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.” I guess he is quite the cool interesting character…anyway, that idea of just letting people be and do what they will without needing to be right is not easy I know that.
Walking away when you’re right, and not having to prove anything….that’s powerful to me.
The punishment to the tiger wasn’t cruelty.
It was protection.
A whole year of silence so the Tiger could stop bleeding energy into a fight that was never his to finish.
I want that year of silence sometimes.
I want it for all of us.
So now, whenever I feel that familiar pull, the need to explain one more time, to have the last word, to make someone finally see, I hear the Lion’s voice in my head:
“Heidi… you’re the Tiger.
Don’t waste your roar.”
And I choose the silence instead.
Not because I don’t care.
Not because I’m weak.
But because I finally understand that my peace is worth more than their version of the story.
I still speak up when it matters.
I still have the courageous conversations with people who are willing to listen and grow.
But I no longer hand my power to anyone who needs me to be wrong so they can stay comfortable.
There’s a quiet strength in that.
A deep self-respect.
So here’s what I want you to take with you today:
You are allowed to stop arguing with people who have already made up their mind.
You are allowed to let someone believe the grass is blue if that’s what they need right now.
You are allowed to protect your energy, your heart, your nervous system, like the sacred things they are.
The Lion didn’t waste a single word on the Donkey.
He saved them all for the Tiger, the one who was worth teaching.
You are the Tiger in your own story.
Act like it.
Save your roar for the people and the moments that deserve it.
Your peace is worth it. So here’s the challenge I’m giving myself this season and I want to give it to you too. “Respect yourself enough to be quietly right, You don’t need to announce it. You don’t need to prove it, You don’t need anyone else’s applause when you choose silence over a fight you’re never going to win”.
Share this with 3 people who already inspire you. I love you guys, I’l talk to you in a few days!
