Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 649 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! I’m Heidi, its so good to be with you. Thank you for letting me share your world for these 10 min episodes! And thank you for subscribing, sharing and giving me a 5 star review if you’re loving the episodes, It’s not lost on me that it takes extra effort on your part, so thank you.
This episode may feel a little uncomfortable for some of you, years ago it would for me too, but when you really think about it and open your mind to it, it becomes less uncomfortable and begins to feel more like a warm hug from someone who really means it.
This has been on my mind off and on for a while, because it involves people I really love, but it also involves me being willing to call myself out or being open to being called out by people I love and that mean well. In the last year or so I read this quote and I do not remember who said it, but it has lingered in the back of my mind since I read it….This is what it said.
Telling someone what they want to hear is being kind to yourself.
Telling them the truth is being kind to them.
When I first read that I was like “wait what???” Then I read it again and really absorbed the words and thought, “wow, it’s so true.” Looking back after realizing that truth, There have been times where I thought I was being kind to someone but in reality I was sheltering myself from having an uncomfortable conversation at the expense of their growth.
You see, sometimes… the kindest thing you can ever say to another human being is this: the power to fix what’s hurting in their life is already in their own hands.
There’s someone I love very, very much—someone who’s been part of my life for years. Let’s call her Pam. Pam was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes a few years back. My husband Eric and I watched her struggle, and because we love her so deeply, we couldn’t stay quiet. Eric started mailing her books—real, research-backed books about reversing type 2 through food and simple daily habits. We had long, gentle conversations over coffee about how what we eat really does speak to our bodies. We weren’t preaching. We were just pouring out everything we knew because we wanted her to feel vibrant and strong and here for decades of laughter and grandbabies and Sunday dinners.
One afternoon she looked at me across the table and said, quietly, “You know, you make it seem like it’s all my fault.”
That sentence stopped me in my tracks. In the moment I just hugged her and told her I loved her. But later, when I replayed it, I wished I had said something different. I wished I had taken her hands and said:
I hear you but knowing it’s within your power to change this is actually the most empowering, liberating, kindest truth I could ever give you. Because if it wasn’t in your power—if this was something you were powerless against—then you’d be stuck. But it is in your power. And that means you get to write the next chapter however you want.”
I didn’t say it then, but I’m saying it now, out loud, because maybe you or someone in your life needs to hear it too. I am right there with you.
We live in a world that sometimes confuses comfort with kindness. We scroll past the hard truths. We nod and say “it’s not your fault” when someone is exhausted, overweight, stuck in a toxic relationship, drowning in debt, or quietly falling apart. And listen, I get it. Life is heavy. Some things really are outside of our control—illness, loss, circumstances that hit like a freight train. But here’s what I’ve learned from my own messy, beautiful life and from watching so many of you walk through yours: when we gently hand someone back their power, we’re not blaming them. We’re believing in them.
Think about the last time someone told you the gentle truth instead of the easy lie. Maybe a friend looked you in the eye and said, “I love you, but you keep choosing partners who dim your light.” Or your sister said, “You complain about your job every single day, but you haven’t updated your résumé in two years.” It stings for a second, doesn’t it? But then something shifts. That little spark of “wait… I can do something about this” starts to flicker. That’s hope with legs on it. That’s agency. That’s love in its bravest form.
I’ve had to learn this lesson the hard way in my own life. There were years when I felt completely powerless over my weight and my hormones, my people-pleasing tendencies. I’d vent to friends and they’d say all the right things: “You’re doing your best,” “It’s just part of being a woman,” “Be kinder to yourself.” And those words felt like a soft blanket. But they also kept me exactly where I was. It wasn’t until someone I trusted looked at me and said, “Heidi, you’re diet is causing you to be malnourished, and someone else told me my hormones were in a freefall. Both of those people reminded me that “ Hey you are the only person that can change that” No one else is coming to do it for you,” that I finally stood up and started making real changes. I changed how I ate and I got very serious about regulating my hormones with hrt. I also looked at other places where I was playing the victim like people pleasing, which caused me to change how I said “no.” I changed how I showed up for myself. And suddenly I wasn’t a victim to my diet, hormones or anyone else’s expectations. I was the author again.
That’s the quiet revolution I want for all of us.
But how do we do it?
First, catch yourself when you’re about to soften the truth to keep the peace. Next time your best friend complains about the same situation for the tenth time, try saying something like: “I’m here for you no matter what, and I also believe you have everything inside you to shift this. What’s one small step that feels doable this week?” You’re not scolding. You’re reminding her she’s capable.
Second, when you’re the one feeling stuck, ask yourself: “If I truly believed the power was in my hands, what would I do differently today?” Not tomorrow when life is easier. Not when the kids are grown or the money is better or the stars align. Today. Even if the step is tiny. Because tiny steps taken by someone who remembers they have power add up to a completely different life.
Third—and this one’s important—pair truth with tenderness. The goal is never to make someone feel small. The goal is to make them feel seen and strong. So lead with love: “I’m telling you this because I believe in you. I see how much you’re capable of. And I’m right here cheering you on while you step into that power.”
I know this isn’t the easy path. It’s so much simpler to just nod and say “that sucks” and hand over another glass of wine. But easy kindness is often just fear wearing a smile. Real kindness risks the conversation getting awkward for ten seconds so the other person can feel free for the next ten years.
To the person listening who’s been carrying a diagnosis, a broken marriage, a mountain of debt, or that quiet voice that says “this is just how it is for me”—I want you to hear me clearly: I’m not saying it’s easy. I’m not saying it’s fair. I’m saying the door to something better is unlocked, and you’re the one holding the key. That’s not blame. That’s the most beautiful gift I could ever hand you.
Pam, if you’re listening—and I have a feeling one day you might be—I love you. I’m still here. And I still believe with every fiber of my being that your health, your joy, your future is in your hands. And that belief is how I love you best.
My challenge to you this week is to Look at one area where you’ve been feeling powerless. Write down one small thing that is within your control. Then do it. And maybe, Tell someone you love the truth they need to hear, wrapped in kindness. And then come back and tell me how it felt. Because I read every single message you send, and your stories encourage me to keep showing up here week after week.
You are not stuck.
You are not broken.
You are not powerless.
You are the hero of your own story, and I’m so honored to walk beside you while you remember that.
Until next time, keep choosing the kind of kindness that sets people free—including yourself.
I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days!
