Hi guys! Welcome to episode 228 of the wildly successful lifestyle podcast.
This one may be a little hard to swallow I know because it almost got lodged in my throat this week. Are there justifiable resentments?
And I know. I know some of you are thinking about it right now saying..yes there is “I was abused”. Or “they left me for that other person” or “they fired me for nothing”or whatever bad thing happened and I get it, as you’re going to hear in this episode, I was in that boat with you but that boat has a hole and it’s sinking you.
When I heard Wayne Dyer say there are no justified resentments this week it brought a tear to my eye because I must confess I’ve been carrying around a resentment and even though I coach myself on it I still have had it. So this last week I sent an email to get coached live by Brooke Castillo. If you have ever heard of her coach or if you listen to her podcast “the life coach school podcast”. I hope you listen to it because it’s really really good. But if you’ve heard her, she doesn’t beat around the bush and she doesn’t sugar coat things for you. So, she coached me on a subject I’ve talked about quite a bit on my podcast and that’s family.
I always try to be real with you guys. And I tell my stories because not only does it feel good to share but I also hope you can see a correlation somewhere in your life and benefit. I have to be real with myself too though and my struggle with my sister that shunned me has been a hurdle that was in my mind a hurdle too big to get over. I don’t want to be that podcaster that talks a big game but acts totally different in real life. I want us all to be better every day and be the best we can be and that starts and ends inside of us. Every thought we continue to think creates something for us. So we better make sure those thoughts are aligned with what we want to create.
I have felt very justified to carry anger around for my sister that shunned me and in a way I’ve carried a little bit of anger towards my mom and dad for not doing something about it. Yes I’ve coached myself and yes I’ve gotten better but I still felt justified in my anger because I did nothing wrong and while that was true initially, the way I’ve handled the whole thing has been wrong. Wrong for me.
So all in one week I got reality handed to me in the form of love and enlightenment by two people I respect. One directly to me and the other through words spoken years ago.
When I talked to Brooke about how I still struggle with anger and wanting my sister to feel the same pain I have felt and how I’ve kind of avoided my parents because I’m afraid they will do the same as her and I blame them a bit. She lovingly told me I want them to change so I feel better. I’m trying to control other people instead of controlling my thoughts around it. I accuse my sister of ripping our family apart. Strong words I know but I’m the one with the anger and resentment. I’m the one that is keeping my parents at arm’s length. I’m the one holding on to the negative thoughts about my sister. And who is all of that hurting? Me. Not them. They don’t even know it’s happening. It’s poisoning me. Wayne Dyer says no one dies from a snake bite. They die from the venom that travels through their veins unstopped.
He also said “there’s no justifiable resentments”. And up until this week I would have argued with him. But I realized the deeper meaning. It is the anger and the bitterness and the negativity that we hang onto hurts us. So it wasn’t the lunch meeting with my sister where she told me we were no longer going to be part of her life that is killing me. That lunch was the snake bite and it hurt like hell but what’s been killing me is the venom I’ve allowed unstopped.
Brooke asked me how my relationship is with my sister and I was like I have no relationship with her. I haven’t seen her in 3 years. And she said oh you have a relationship with her. It’s in your head. So how’s your relationship with her? And I was honest. “It isn’t good, in fact it’s really bad”. And she said that’s what you have to fix, because that’s where your power lies. And right now you’re giving your power to your sister and she’s not that powerful, but you’re feeding it every time you have a negative thought about her. And blaming my parents just kind of lets my sister off the hook. They are innocent bystanders. That was easy for me to swallow because it’s true.
Now maybe you are holding onto some anger or maybe bitterness over something that happened. The sooner you can stop that venom the better it is for you. In my mind I didn’t want to not be mad at my sister because she didn’t deserve my forgiveness and that may be true. Whatever has hurt you or whoever has hurt you may not deserve that forgiveness but you do and I do.
My word of the year is authentic. I’m trying to do everything from a place of authenticity. And for the first time this year I can actually feel the anger fading and the lightness that’s replacing it is perfect. Perfect for me. I’m not going to sugar coat this anymore. I don’t have to because this is part of my life that is what it is and I do care and it is painful but my thoughts about it matter and for my own sake I can feel the pain without holding onto the anger. I hadn’t thought of doing that up until maybe right now as I say it. I’m looking out for myself. I’m having my own back from here on out.
And you can have your own back too. Stop that venom from killing you slowly inside.
I love you guys and I’ll talk to you in a few days.
