Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 197 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast!
If no one has told you yet today..you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be and things are always working out in your favor and when you believe that, really know it, you’ll start looking for it in everything because it’s always there. But it isn’t always in the form you want it to be so you have to be a good “working out in your favor” detective. I just thought I would add that today.
So now that we know you’re right where you should be. I have a question. Are you loving where you are? Are you working on being the best version of you that you can be? Not having to be perfect just the best you. No one can be you. You’re unique and you have something unique to offer the world. Your uniqueness though cannot shine through if you consume constantly. Your uniqueness shines through when you create. Consuming all day is the norm now. By consuming I mean completely filling your mind or attention with some distraction that isn’t necessarily useful. Like hours on social media, binge watching Netflix, watching the news all day. Consuming in this way isn’t going to set you apart. Your ability to have ideas and thoughts and articulate them in a new way depends on you NOT consuming all day. But consuming all day is the norm and oh by the way….it’s addictive, the more you do it, the more you need to do it to get that same feeling, that same high just like anything that’s addictive.
I talk a lot about my personal experience of dealing with social media. There have been times where I used to get sucked in and just hit refresh 50 times or go down a rabbit hole of reading articles that confirm what I already believed. I would waste hours of my day and then really dislike myself. I didn’t want to be that person, because I could innately tell it wasn’t good for me.
When social media first came out ok for me it was just fun because I connected with people I would have never connected with, it allowed me to stay in touch with relatives all over the world. That’s a good thing. I love that aspect of it. I had friends who turned their nose up at it, they were like you like Starbucks too, it makes sense. Still not really sure what that means but I don’t think it was a compliment.
But for me and I’m sure more than one or two of you listening, it became much more than staying in touch with friends and family. I would start posting and needing likes. If I got a bunch of likes ooh it feels so good but then a post didn’t get enough likes..it felt so bad. I would check my friends number and embarrassingly check the number of friends my friends had and compare myself. I wondered what I was doing wrong that I just couldn’t be like the girl who has a million likes. This is not a normal characteristic for me. I saw where it was headed and I didn’t like it at all. And then politics, Covid, vaccines entered the picture and I felt I could get nothing done because my brain told me what was on my phone was way more important than anything I had going on in front of me so I would sneak time on social media because I was embarrassed by my addiction. I’m admitting this right now and as I say it I still have feelings of shame about it. As I look back, the turning point for me was when I kept hitting refresh about something going on, whatever the crisis of the week was, because there always is one..and I literally felt like what I imagine a drug or alcohol addict feels…it’s ruining my day AND I kept doing it. It’s ruining my ability to be present AND I kept doing it. That’s when you know it’s an addiction. If you feel like you may have a problem..you probably do but the good news is…you’re aware and that’s the first step. So many people don’t want to admit it. Just like with any addiction..that would mean they have to do something about it and that’s hard.
I feel like there’s a draw for me to really understand why it is so addictive and I’ve been studying it a bit lately. It’s fascinating. The dopamine hit we get from social media is the same we get from alcohol, smoking and gambling. So like Simon Sinek says by design social media is highly addictive.
And we have triggers of course. For me I know what they are now and have taken steps to change my habit when I feel the trigger.
So boredom is one trigger for me. So I was in traffic and it was very slow going and I didn’t have a podcast on so it was quiet in the car so my hand automatically went for my phone. I literally caught it mid reach. In the car, while I was driving..driving slowly to be fair, but nonetheless driving.
Another time, well almost every time I get in bed because that used to be the time I would catch up on social media was when I got in bed..worst possible time I know but I’m just being honest. That’s one I have to actively be aware of. But it’s getting so much easier. I am reading a book entitled dopamine. So at night that’s what I am allowing myself to do now is read books. Books that I choose. Books that move the needle in the direction I want it to go. I no longer go to sleep worried about the things going on all over the world, or thinking about that comment someone made or wondering why I didn’t get more likes. Anyway, currently I’m reading this book on dopamine and the author is telling a story of addiction and she mentions twitter. Immediately my hand went for my phone. It was so interesting to me. Just the mention in a book of the name of a social media app that I used to spend a lot of time on triggered me to grab for my phone.
I moved my Instagram app to the last page of my phone apps. So I have to remember to go look at Instagram now because I get messages and I love getting them and responding but I don’t want to have to fight the urge to look on Instagram every time I use my phone for texting or for something useful like The calm app.. or my photos when my Instagram was right there sometimes I would forget what I was going to do and my brain on autopilot would have me opening Instagram instead. I have eliminated the chance of that happening by moving it where I don’t see it ever. I have to go look for it when I want to check it.
I’m not kidding when I say this. We have a serious problem in this world. We have a phone addiction and it isn’t serving us. I am in recovery myself for it, fortunately I caught it myself and every day I’m noticing the triggers that I used to have easing up. I no longer feel like I’m missing out if I’m not on my phone.
How many things are we missing right in front of us because our brain is so addicted to the dopamine hits we get from social media? How many moments? How many conversations? How many interesting people we don’t meet because our heads are down on the phone.
Over Thanksgiving we went hiking in the mountains with my family. We had no internet, no WiFi so nobody could be hanging out on social media..we all just had to just talk and laugh and enjoy each other’s company…which we did. My adorable brother in law and I had to grab something from our car and as we were walking back to the car, he said, you know, with my phone having no service, it feels so good to just be present with everyone, I’m not distracted by my phone and it feels really good. I almost wanted to cry when I heard that because he has been working on that as well and he admitting that to me says that he hates the fact that he’s so drawn to his phone too, but when it’s so easily accessible it’s so hard to stop.
Having your phone 24/7 and being addicted to social media is like a recovering alcoholic that lives above a bar, it would be very difficult to stop.
We as humans crave connection. Social media simulates that feeling temporarily but leaves us wanting because innately we know it isn’t a real connection. We are designed for face to face connection. Social media is like stimulation without an orgasm. It leaves you very frustrated.
I don’t want to be frustrated all the time. I want to be present. I want to live intentionally AND I still want to be able to use Social media periodically in a way that I feel good about. And I’m giving myself the chance to do that right now. Don’t wait until it destroys your relationships, your ambition and your self confidence. Here’s the steps I’ve taken…maybe they might help you too:
- Move your social media apps to the last page so you don’t see them every time you open your phone.
- Turn off notifications so that you aren’t constantly being notified. Studies have shown this is very damaging to your productivity.
- Commit to leaving your phone on silent out of sight when you are in the presence of someone you’re socializing with. If you’re even a little addicted, you’ll grab it without thinking and now you’re telling that person or those people they aren’t as important as whatever’s on your phone.
- Start noticing when you automatically reach for your phone. What triggered it? Was it a feeling, a thought, something someone said? Notice and be aware of what is triggering you.
- Be kind to yourself. You’re hearing this message because you probably need it, maybe we all do. You’re not too far gone, you aren’t alone in this and you can turn things around. But no one else is gonna do it for you.
I’m here with you right alongside you working to make each of us better, helping us to each live our version of a Wildly Successful Lifestyle. Share this episode with 3 people this week…you know we all need it! I love you guys and I’ll talk to you in a few days!
