Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 474 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! Good to be with you!
How is your life going? Is it overall really good with a few ups and downs here and there that are normal? Are you more often happy then sad, more often at peace then anxious? If you’re not, there may be some subtle thoughts or beliefs that are holding you back a little bit. We tend to think it’s just the way life is supposed to be but it should be mostly fun with normal highs and lows here and there that remind us that we’re alive. And with social media we often have this idea that everyone else’s life is so perfect and ours is a train wreck. It’s easy to think that. But it simply isn’t the case, it’s just that we all handles things in our own way and maybe the way we handle them or the things we think about them make it a little harder than it needs to be.
We had a wonderful time this weekend spending time with family at the Lake. Mollys in laws live in a beautiful home right on a gorgeous lake just outside of Nashville. They invited us to spend a weekend there along with Eric’s sister and her husband, we did it last year as well. Just a really fun weekend with family and in my mind there’s nothing better. Now if you are like me and someone tells you of their story of their wonderful weekend, you conjure in your mind visions of big fun family dinners, fun boat outings, bonfires with smores’ early morning coffee chats overlooking the lake. You create in your mind what your idea of how a perfect lake weekend would look to you. And maybe you think it would be nice if I had someone that had a lakehouse we could go to, or it would be nice if all of my family could get together but so and so of course would ruin it for everyone else. Or maybe you might think “you could not pay me to spend an entire weekend with the in-laws.
You know the normal things a human brain left on autopilot comes up with.
Now for me, my thoughts were more leading up to the weekend. I have kind of considered myself to be somewhat of a peacemaker and there are still remnants of that, I guess old habits die hard. So I noticed I was having thoughts of how the weekend would go, worrying a little bit about certain personalities and how they would jive and hoping that this person would do this or that and hoping this other person wouldn’t do this or that and how it would stress me out if they did. You know, if everyone just acted the way I want them to so that my weekend goes stress free. And of course as I have been working on noticing how my thoughts affect my outcomes, I notice that I am creating things in advance. So instead of creating scenarios that COULD create stress, I just envisioned how I wanted it to go and remembered that the only thing about the weekend I control is how I act and how I think and so I let go of the idea that I could make anyone’s weekend better by my worrying about what certain people would or not do. And guess what? The weekend went really well and there were little things that people said or did that I wouldn’t have chosen but I didn’t try to manage it. I just accepted that their experience is of their making and it doesn’t have to affect me unless I let it. And their consequences are theirs as well.
At one point we were at a restaurant on the water, it’s very cool because we take the boat to dinner and back. It’s obviously very popular because man was it packed. It’s one of those restaurants that doesn’t take reservations so first come first serve. We got there super early because we know it will get busy but we also like to go park the boat at this certain spot and watch the sunset after dinner before we go home. So we get there and get a table right away which is nice. We have a fun dinner listening to the music and enjoying each other’s company. When it’s getting close to us leaving Molly my little sister and I love to feed the fist they have this fish food you can buy from this little machine and it’s one of our favorite things to do, so we are feeding the fish which is in the area right by the entry to the restaurant and it’s a Saturday night and I gotta tell you I was shocked at the amount of people waiting for a table. At one point my brother in law walked out heading to the restroom and saw all the people waiting and he said to me, “why don’t you see if we can go ahead and get everyone up from our table because we are done and then another family can sit down to eat” and I said “oh yeah, that’s a good idea” so I head back to the table and everyone has paid so we are done and so I said, hey let’s let someone else have our table their tell them there are over 50 people waiting to eat. Well one of my family members I don’t want to call them out but one of them said “Well that’s their problem they should have gotten here early, what did they think on a Saturday night at 7? And I was like oh come on now, but in the back of my mind I thought you know, isn’t that interesting the varying personalities. One was concerned and wanted to let others go ahead and sit down and the other didn’t care at all and made it very clear.
Now I would like to put the question to you that if you were to guess which one of those people has more friends and more of a social life which one would you guess? Just purely off the knowing of that mentality….where The one that was looking out and concerned for others and the other one who was looking out for themselves? It’s interesting because most of us just know it’s the one that is showing graciousness to other people. We always get back what we put out. Now Im not throwing anyone under the bus, I love all my family and they’re all good people but it is true that what you put out you get back. The life you have is the life you created and it starts in your head. Therefore the famous “As within, so without”
People like to be around enjoyable people and if you’re not enjoyable, you may notice the invites dry up. If that’s happened, it may be time for some self evaluation. Your life is what you make of it and if you find yourself complaining more often than not, or having negative thoughts about people more often than not, again, it’s probably a good time for some self evaluation. Especially with family. No-one is responsible for your happiness but you, so that responsibility solely lies with you, but a big part of our happiness in life is watching other people be happy and knowing maybe we had a little something to do with that by being gracious whenever you can and also not expecting others to change to make you happy. So, if a situation arises where you feel the need to step away for your own sanity, then do it.
At one point over this last weekend at the lake, we were hanging out on the dock and the music was a little louder than I like and things were a little more chaotic than I prefer and so I just decided to use that moment to take the kayak out for a relaxing ride all on my own. Sometimes you’re a guest and you have no control of the situation, so you have to control what you can and step away if you need to. My experience over the weekend and any time is of my own making. The thing I can do is be exactly who I am, be authentic and loving and try to focus on the good in everyone around me. Be gracious when I can and step away when I need to. Everyone else was enjoying the music playing so instead of me complaining or being upset about it, I just went for a long kayak ride. Problem solved on my end.
I’ve been talking about that a lot lately, I know, but “taking care of things on your end” is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
If you haven’t noticed, you actually live in two worlds. We all have both an inner and an outer world. Some like to live more in their inner world and others don’t want to live there at all. John Marks Templeton says that in order to be happy, well integrated people we have to function in both worlds with ease and satisfaction. To live successfully in the outer world we need to live successfully in the inner world. That’s what that saying means, “As within, so without.” It means that what appears in our outer world – friends, jobs, opportunities, schools, career-reflects what is happening inside ourselves. It’s a pretty good gauge of where our heads at so to speak
My challenge to you this week is to do a little self evaluation. Are there some areas in your outer world that are struggling because of what you have going on in your inner world? If there are, you have to clean up your inner world first before the outer world can ever follow suit. Share this with the first 3 people who come to mind. I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days!
