Are you an avoidant?
Hi guys! Welcome to episode 132 of the Wildly Successful lifestyle podcast! I’m loving the new format and I hope you are as well. Let me know by subscribing and also giving me a 5 star rating…but only if you’re loving it, is that a deal or what?…:)
OK, A lot of times we feel unhappy and it stems from this feeling of not being in control of our life. But we actually control a lot more in our life than we think. Too often we carry around a list in our head of things we need to do or should be doing. Sometimes it’s just a matter of things we either just aren’t scheduling because we think it’s going to be a big hassle or we are afraid it could be bad so we avoid it.
I want us to feel in control and happy because life is supposed to be fun and when we are having fun, things seem to fall into place a lot easier. When we avoid things, we are actually prolonging the negative feelings and a lot of times it isn’t even as bad as you think!
Now, I understand this because I grew up in a household of what I’m going to label just for a minute as “avoiders”. My family, meaning my mom and dad and siblings will avoid anything if it’s uncomfortable. Especially if it’s a conversation. Or maybe a finance issue we aren’t certain about? And medical issues??? Buried. Way deep. If you avoid it long enough it goes away. Right??? Oh man. If only that were true. But it’s the opposite and deep down we all know it but sometimes it’s just more pleasant not to think about it. We say I’ll think about it next week. I’ll do it next week And then next week turns into next month and so on, we know how that goes.
Well we are the wildly successful Lifestyle crew and avoiding is not going to be our label. And if it is, We are ripping that label off right now. Because these are things we control that we just aren’t doing because we are afraid of the answer or we think it’s going to be too tedious to deal with or whatever the excuse you’ve been giving yourself.
This last week I got an invoice in the mail from my accountant. It was for $650. I had just paid that amount the week prior so I assumed it was a duplicate but I was also kind of like surely it’s a duplicate. I hope it’s a duplicate. Yep in my mind it’s definitely a duplicate so I ignored it. Now if any of you know my husband or maybe you are fortunate to have someone in your life like my husband. He doesn’t leave anything to chance and he is the opposite of an avoider. He checks everything twice and is never late. So he sees that invoice on my desk and says why is that sitting there? I nonchalantly say oh pretty sure it’s just a duplicate. I paid that same amount last week. He says “did you check with them to make sure!” Now one of two things was going to happen from here on out. He would ask me about it until I addressed it or I would address it immediately and it would be done and everyone feels better. So I picked up the phone and sure enough it had been paid and I could throw it away which I did. Now. Left up to me I would have cluttered up my brain with that little bit of concern maybe 10% that I owed another $650 and probably would have avoided it but if I really did owe it now they would charge me interest and if it went long enough it could start affecting other things. It would have gotten worse if I avoided it, not better. Once I made the phone call I was able to remove that little clutter from my brain and legitimately not worry about it again. I really did feel so much better. Why wouldn’t I just do that to start with? Because our brain is designed to keep us safe by avoiding things that we fear.
We have enough to think about in life without adding to it by avoiding the things we control that would be kind of easy to fix and would go a long way in decluttering our brain. Now, I’ve come up with a list of 5. They might seem random to you, but mentally I believe they will hit on several areas of your life where you may be carrying the weight of it around to the point you don’t notice it anymore. And you may not relate to all of them but it might trigger something else you’ve been putting off…So here’s my list:
- Your cluttered closet you’ve been staring at so long that you no longer see it.
- How about any bulbs that are burned out in your house? Or that thing that’s broken and you don’t know how to Fix it.
- That phone call or email or text you’ve been avoiding making?
- This next one is a big one. Get on the scale. It may seem random but trust me, I will explain in a minute.
- Finally scheduling something fun and out of the ordinary
So the cluttered closet? Set the timer and take an hour to go through your closet. Take out anything you haven’t worn in a year. This is the cause of a lot more clutter in your brain than you realize. It makes getting ready much more difficult when you have to sift through so much, and let’s be honest you know there’s only about 5-7 outfits you wear anyway.. We are afraid of getting rid of things because what if you want to wear it again? Trust me, you can free up lots of space in your head by making space in your closet and I’ve never missed anything I’ve given away, not one time especially if you’ve given it to a homeless shelter or good will where someone will get good use out of it.
How about the bulbs that are burned out or the small things that are broken around the house?. Is it because you are out of bulbs and Maybe with all the new energy efficient options, you don’t know which ones to buy? I always love the bulbs that are warmer so that translates into 2700 kelvin being the color bulb I like. Find the max wattage on the lamp right by where you insert the bulb and you’re all set. Worst case, order them today and change them in a few days when you get them. I’d prefer you go to Lowes and accomplish it today but whatever works best for you. And what if there’s something broken you don’t know how to fix. I would call a handyman, you can ask any facebook group in your area for a good one and you will quickly get some good options. If not that then just google how to fix it, you know you’re not the only one. This will actually do more for you then you think because now your home feels complete and welcoming when you come home, instead of a reminder that you have things left undone. It’s a good feeling and most of the time a quick fix.
The phone call or text or email you’ve avoided? Rip the band-aid off. Just do it. Type it up and send it. The Uncomfortable Phone call? It’s probably not as bad as you think and avoiding it only makes it worse. And don’t overthink it. This carries a lot of weight in your brain for many reasons. You probably role play in your mind the conversation which takes up a lot of brain power and energy. So just go ahead and have the real conversation now, so many times, I’ve felt so much better after making a call I had been dreading.
Ok. So the scale. You are cluttering your brain with denying where you are or being scared that it’s worse than you think or not wanting to face whatever it says. Here’s the thing. All that noise is making it worse. We tell ourselves we will address it next week, which turns into next month and next year. Figure out right now “this is where I am”. Just get very ok with where you are right now. We didn’t get here overnight and we’re not going to fix it overnight. Get on the scale and see where you are. It may be better than you think but it may be a lot worse too and that’s ok you know why? Because now you’ll know and you can proceed accordingly. Doesn’t matter either way. This is just about not avoiding. It’s about clearing your mind of clutter. You are in control of that one thing about your body right now. You can KNOW where you are with your weight by getting on that scale. I don’t want you to feel bad. I want you to stop avoiding knowing where you are. In fact I want you to decide that you are going to celebrate whatever number is on that scale and love yourself for it. Because that’s reality and that’s your starting point. I want you to love the person that you are so much that you want to be healthy and you want to feel good and this is my starting point. Nothing in the past matters. Let go of the uncertainty of where you are.
And finally Schedule something fun and out of the ordinary. Sometimes we go through the week and everything is the same, especially in 2020 and 2021. Things have been so weird and we have almost become unwilling hermits. SO today. Schedule something fun and out of the ordinary, you don’t have to go out of town for this, you can do it in your own city. I have a friend and accountability partner that I work with once a week on five questions. One of the questions is what are you doing that adds joy, makes you feel alive and inspires you? It makes me do something new and fun every week. Our brain loves new experiences. This last week Eric and I went to the botanic gardens and fed the koi fish right here locally. They are huge and they are fabulous and it brought me so much joy. I have a video of it on Instagram if you’re interested in seeing it. This one gives you something to look forward to and it empties your brain of the feeling that everything is the same.
My challenge for today is to Stop right now and unload onto a notebook the things you have that you are avoiding. This will get it out of your brain and onto paper where you can see it. There may be 5 things or there may be 50 things. I don’t know but I know One thing…your brain is designed to keep you safe and a lot of times that involves avoidance so getting them out of your brain and onto paper, is a huge first step in doing them. You don’t have to do anything else with it right now. Just having them written down will clear your brain of the need to constantly worry about it and then it will be able to process which ones to focus on first.
