Hi guys! Welcome to episode 452 of the wildly successful lifestyle podcast! You’re probably here because you’re someone who wants to thrive, I like to think that anyway. Regardless, I’m happy we’re hanging out. Thank you for being here. As always subscribe so you don’t miss an episode. I publish twice a week Monday and Friday, each episode is usually under 10 minutes and always packed full of ideas on how to thrive, now you wouldn’t want to miss that! So hit the subscribe or follow the show.
Ok, I wonder how many of you have a scar that’s still there from when you got hurt as a kid, maybe you fell off your bike and needed stitches. Maybe you ran into an open dishwasher like Eric my husband did when he was 5 years old and there was a knife pointed up and he ended up in the emergency room getting stitches on his hand. I bet we all have a story like that and maybe we have a scar and maybe we don’t.
I have a faint line on my pointer finger from kindergarten. I still remember we had this really heavy door to the one little bathroom in our classroom. One day somehow I get my finger smashed in the door. I still remember being so upset that they had to call my mom and dad to come get me. When they picked me up I had fallen asleep from being so stressed. I still have that scar 45 years later. It heeled of course but for many years I had a bump and a scar and now it’s just a faint little scar. My big sister used to fall and scuff her knee or she would get a little cut but when it would scab, she always would pick at it. I remember my mom saying “it’s not gonna heel if you keep picking at it”. Eventually it would scar but it would take longer and probably scar a little deeper.
Some people will get their scars fixed so they don’t see them anymore. It doesn’t mean the accident didn’t happen, it just means you don’t see the scar anymore.
Emotional scarring is kind of like that, isn’t it? You don’t see it but it doesn’t mean it’s not there. It also is true that the more you pick at it, the harder it is to heel and the deeper the scar.
I was listening to Jeff Warren’s guided meditation this week on the calm app and he was talking about scars. And how often times people feel like they have this wound that wont heel, but what if you just viewed it instead as a scar thats part of your story?
Sometimes something happens and we can’t let it go, we keep picking at it so to speak so that it just never heals. I feel like I’ve done that in the past and when I just finally accepted it as part of my story, it healed. It’s been 6 years since my sister told me we weren’t going to be part of her and her family’s life and for the first few years, it was hard to accept because in my mind the injustice was so big, I hadn’t done anything to deserve that so I kept dwelling on it, having bad thoughts about her, creating scenarios of how I hoped it would backfire, I dragged it with me everywhere I went, I never allowed it to scar because I kept picking at it. It really wasn’t until I got coached personally by Brooke Castillo of the life coach school that I realized I had become the problem. Yes, something happened that was unfair, but was I going to let that ruin the rest of my life? Was I going to spend the rest of my life nursing a wound that wouldn’t heal because I wouldn’t let it? For a minute it appeared I might. Until someone boldly told me to stop playing the victim to a circumstance in which i didn’t control. Stop being a victim to a circumstance that the only power it holds is the one you give it. Once I Accepted it as part of my story and stopped picking at it, it healed. And now it’s a faint scar that I notice periodically and there’s a twinge of pain there, but it’s no longer infecting my day to day life or my other relationships. It’s simply part of my lived experience. It’s part of who I am today. I’m proud of that.
And I know some of you have similar experiences and some have a lot worse things that happened that you’re still allowing to affect your life today. Letting it heal doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, it just means you’re not a victim to it anymore. That’s where our work lies.
How do you experience an injustice and not let it infect the rest of your life? You take away its power by letting it heal and by accepting it as part of your story a part that made you stronger, a part that made you into the strong resilient person you are today.
My challenge to you today is to resist the urge to pick the scab off past emotional wounds. Allow them to heal. Allow them to leave a scar. A scar is just an injury or wound that’s healed, nothing more unless you give it power. Share this with 3 people who have helped you heal. I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days.
