Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 374 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! Nice to be with you whether you’re listening on a walk like my friend Cassandra on the stair climber like Molly or maybe driving your big Rig like my friend Scotty…it’s an honor to be with you.
I guess I’m on a relationship kick. Partly because I know how important it is but also because of how much I’ve grown to appreciate that having great relationships is one of the true keys to a satisfying beautiful life.
Those are internal feelings not superficial. Friendships are one of the great joys in life because unlike family, you get to choose them. Now some of our family we would choose as a friend too if they weren’t family. That’s special. I hope if you have that you cherish it. But.
Have you ever really sat down and thought about what the word “friend” means to you? What does someone need to do to be considered a friend to you? Have you ever given that thought? How about what it looks like for you to be a good friend to someone else? That’s equally as important. Because In order to have a friend you’ve gotta be a friend. Some people really don’t know how to be a friend. Would you consider yourself a good friend? How does that even look? Do you know?
Sometimes we wish we had more friends or wish the friends we have would reach out more not really thinking about our role in it. Have you ever thought that? That you wished you were more active with your friends but you want them to be the ones to make the change? I was talking to a family member about some of his guy friends and he said you know they don’t ever reach out to go to lunch or to hang out, to which I said well, do you ever reach out to them? He laughed and said “I guess not”. Friendship is a two way street, and if you want to do more, you just may need to reach out more. If you wish your friends would call more, maybe you should call more too. Think about what it is that you wish your friends were doing and then ask yourself if you’re guilty of the same thing.. maybe you don’t reach out or maybe you’re waiting for them to text or call. Often, We have a blind spot to our own shortcomings…
And sometimes it’s because you have insecurities that they are too busy or you’re worried you’re bugging them or scared of being rejected…I have a question for you, what would change about how you reach out if you knew for 100% certain your friend would say yes or would be super excited that you were reaching out…. Our insecurities hold us back more than we know and a lot of times we aren’t even aware they’re there, they are so subtle and sneaky. I went to text my friend Lena the other day to ask if she wanted to walk at 8 in the morning and almost didn’t hit send because I thought oh I may mess up her workout schedule if I ask her…that was subtle but I caught it and hit send anyway and now we are walking at 8 am.
Those sneaky little negative thoughts keep us from doing the things we want all the time and it often plays a big role in our friendships.
We are social animals regardless of what anyone says, Life is better with friends. It just is. Real live friends, not the ones on Instagram or Facebook or whatever online group. I’m talking Face to face friends. coffee drinking, dinner sharing, there when you need them, friends.
Life is better when you have true friends.
Our true friends are not there because of what we can get from them or what we think they bring to the table or because of how it looks to other people that we have them.
True friends are the ones that feel like home. The ones where time flies or stands still when you’re together. The ones that you know in your heart are there whether they are physically with you or not. And they can only become that over time, by giving it a chance, by not giving up too soon. And on that note, we have to also acknowledge that friends should ultimately add to your peace, if there’s someone that in your gut you know you need to distance yourself from, you should respect that too. That little voice inside is your inner guidance system and ignoring it causes unnecessary heartache. You don’t have to continue in a friendship that doesn’t feel good. There are friends that come and go. There is nothing wrong with you if your friend group evolves, it may just mean your evolving and growing and attracting different friends, and that’s ok.
Our brains want to define things and so it may assign a meaning as to why someone is no longer part of our life, placing blame or continuing to harbor resentment but this just brings more of that into your life… Find the value in those relationships and carry that forward…..
In all of our relationships, boundaries are a good thing. Forgiveness and understanding are also a good thing. We wouldn’t want someone to throw in the towel on us just because we had an off period, and you wouldn’t do that to someone else either. So don’t give up too soon, but when your inner voice is clearly saying “this is not a relationship I feel good in” you have to listen.
It’s that inner voice, your inner guidance system that KNOWS what’s right for you that you have to follow.
Friendships really shouldn’t be hard. But they do require effort. It feels good when someone puts effort into a friendship doesn’t it? My trainer, Kevin and I were talking about relationships the other day and he asked me how do I think people show love in relationships and the very first thing that popped into my head was “time” We get to choose who we hang out with and our time is precious. The friends who really make time for us and we really make time for them, those are the ones to hold close.
And you are never too old to make new friends. That’s the wonderful thing about humans. We are constantly growing and as we grow, we attract new friends along the way as long as we are open to them. Ive heard people say “I have all the friends I need” and that may be true, but that doesn’t mean an awesome new friend isn’t still out there for you..so be open. We aren’t going to all of a sudden wake up and not need friends and that’s why we want to cherish them.
Be the friend you wish you had and you’ll find yourself with really special friends, it doesn’t happen without a little effort and sometimes you may be the one putting that effort in and sometimes it may be your friend that’s doing it.
My challenge to you today is to evaluate the kind of friend you are. Are you someone that you would want to hang out with? Are you giving your time to the friends you do have or being open to new ones? Are you reaching out or are your thoughts holding you back? It’s never too late to start being a good friend to someone even if you have to make up some time. Remember in order to have a friend you have to be one. Share this with 3 beautiful friends, I love you guys Ill talk to you in a few days!
