The power of the word “AND”
Hi guys! Welcome to episode 190 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! I hope this episode finds you happy and healthy.
If you’re listening to this as I put it out it is the holiday season in America which can be a very difficult time for some and a very joyous time for others, but for most I think it’s probably a combination!
For me it’s both, but mainly it’s joyous by choice.
You see, some of my family do not celebrate holidays at all. So we would always get together on the day after Thanksgiving, and my mom would cook a big dinner for our whole family and all the kids. There are 5 of us and 4 grandkids so it was a full house and I looked forward to it all year because it was the only time really that we would all get together so I loved it very much but we haven’t been doing that for several years now.
Up until this year, I kept expecting for us to go back to that day after Thanksgiving tradition which I loved so dearly. But my expectation this year was the acceptance that that would not be the case so I have just spent the whole time planning for the day I will have. Which is a wonderful day with my husband, his sister and her guy. And I will set the table beautifully and we will just enjoy a beautiful day knowing that we are blessed to be here and have so much to be thankful for…Now. I also would not be being honest with you if I said I didn’t care that we aren’t getting together as our whole family for the day after Thanksgiving but I don’t control that. So I have decided to also hold space for a little bit of sadness that that tradition is no longer a thing. I’ve chosen to be happy AND recognize that I feel sadness when I think about that old tradition.
I’m ok with that. I’m not denying my feelings or pushing them away. I respect those feelings of sadness because to me they are valid but I also know that change is part of life and how we deal with change dictates how happy we ultimately will be. So I don’t dwell on the sadness, when it creeps into my awareness I notice it and I give it space for a moment but then I move forward to better thoughts. The thoughts that will serve me instead of crippling me.
And I know because I’ve heard it over and over again that so many are missing the ones that are no longer with us and of course that is always going to be the case. But is there a way we can miss them AND have a wonderful holiday? Can we miss them AND still feel happy? I mean that’s our choice, right? We are going to miss them, of course but we get to decide if we are going to miss them AND feel happy or if we are going to miss them and dwell on it so much that it makes us miss out on the moments right in front of us.
I do this when I think of my grandparents as well. I miss them AND at the same time I’m enjoying the people that are here with me today. Kind of like the maroon 5 song cheers to the ones here today and cheers to the ones that we’ve lost on the way. We can do that. We can love and enjoy the ones we are with AND we can honor and hold space for the ones that we’ve lost along the way.
We can choose what we focus on in the present moment. I mean I could be sad all day on Thanksgiving because of the thoughts I’m choosing. If I choose to ruminate on not seeing my family on the day after Thanksgiving, I’m robbing myself and the people that are present with me of the joy and happiness of the moment, and the worst thing is…it won’t have changed anything. So I’m just sort of hitting myself in the face. I’m done hitting myself in the face with thoughts that aren’t serving me. I’m going to hold space for the feelings of loss AND I’m going to enjoy my day tomorrow!
Our expectations and our thoughts dictate our happiness. No matter what time of year it is.
When our expectations are met we are happy but when they aren’t we have to decide what that means…that’s why we have to be careful of them.
And You probably already know what things might trip you up or cause you irritation this holiday season or at any time during the year. We usually know, right? Uncle Frank is going to tell his same silly jokes that no-one gets, Aunt Linda is going to ask why you still don’t have kids, and maybe Grandma isn’t with us for the first time this year.
I know it’s hard missing the ones that have gone. I miss my grandparents…But here’s the thing. I’m going to miss my grandma but I’m not going to ruin my present day because of it. That’s my choice. And you can make that choice too.
Decide in advance that you can have a good time AND you can miss the people that aren’t there, and by not there it doesn’t always mean they’ve passed…maybe they’re not there for other reasons.
Decide in advance that you’re going to be endeared by Uncle Frank’s silly jokes instead of annoyed. Make a game of it.
There’s always going to be change, there’s only one constant in your life and that’s you and the thoughts in your head, which you control.
You’re ok as long as you think you’re ok.
If your thoughts are constantly beating you up for whatever reason, get out ahead of them. So what if you burn the rolls. So what if you forgot the cranberry sauce, So what if the turkey was a little dry…Haha. It’s one meal and everybody will be laughing about it next week anyway…just decide in advance no matter what comes up…That you are going to be OK
Hey, The turkey was dry AND we still had a fabulous meal
The kids were fighting AND it was still a wonderful day
Of course I missed that person being there AND I had an awesome time with the friends and family that were there. And this next one is a big one…
I believe different things than they do AND I still love them
Just remember every family has their drama. No family is exempt. Sometimes we want our family to match up with the idea of how we think family should be, which basically means you want them to change so you feel better. What you really want is to feel better without needing anything external to change. This is true empowerment, when you realize you are loved and worthy without needing anyone or anything else to change. That is my wish for you and for me that we know that deep in our core, because it’s true…Someone can be withholding their attention from you AND you are still worthy and loved.
Be sure to share this episode with 2 people! I love you guys and I’ll talk to you in a few days.
