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How often is your life shaped by other people?

Episode 379
Wildly Successful Lifestyle

LISTEN TO: How often is your life shaped by other people?

Hi guys! Welcome to episode 379 of the wildly successful lifestyle podcast. How’s it been going since we last hung out. Are you on the right track? Have you made that change you told yourself you would? I hope so. If you haven’t why not? What’s holding you back?

Is it you or is it your thoughts about what others might think?

How would a week in your life look if you did nothing but what you thought was right for you? Could you do it or would you feel guilty?

Society says you should feel guilty for creating a life designed around what is best for you. But what’s the alternative? Living a life beholden to what other people want for you or from you? That doesn’t even feel right saying it. But that’s what is supposed to be considered selfless. I believe the better we are the better we are for those around us that we care about and love. The better you are the more you can give. The healthier you are the more energy you have to do more the more money you have the more you have to make an impact on the world or those closest to you. The better you are the more you influence others to be better.

So if what’s holding you back is the opinions or the thoughts you have about what other people might think, you may want to give that some thought.

That happens more than we realize. Once you realize it though you won’t be able to unrealize it.

Are you living your life for you or are you living it for other people? Twisting yourself to accommodate everyone else? Are you following the path that allows you to be you? That allows your body to be the best it can be or your mind to be the best it can be? Or your life to be the fullest it can be?

Or are you constantly concerned what others are thinking about what you’re doing to the point where you’ve lost touch with what you want in life, you’ve lost touch with what naturally feels good to you?

How often do we unintentionally hurt ourselves in an effort to be something to someone else or be seen as something even though it’s not in our best interests?

I should go to this church because my family does, Im scared to lose weight because it might alienate my overweight friends. I should buy this new car because my clients will think I’m more successful. I should raise my kids this way because that’s what society says.

I used to be guilty of this all the time. Mainly with my family. I would go to their religious events to make them feel a certain way when it made me feel inauthentic. I would give them False hope that I was halfway still interested in their religion in an effort to manipulate how they saw me or treated me but what was I doing to myself in the process? I’ve grown so much internally that I no longer feel the need to put on an act for my family so they will want to be in my life. They either want to be in my life as I am or they don’t. Im not putting on an act anymore. To the point where the ones that can’t tolerate that are no longer in my life and that’s their decision and it’s one that I can and do live with just fine. Now, those are big relationship altering things that maybe you deal with too or not.

But how often are we doing it in our day to day lives?

I notice I do it more than I thought. I love to run. It feels so invigorating. I would try to run at least 3 times a week, this was on top of my other workouts with weights and yoga. So, I love running, it but it makes my body feel tired and achy and sore all the time, but more importantly from my app where I track that stuff, I see I’m burning sugar almost the entire time that I’m running. So not only is my body sore I am actually burning sugar not fat. So my trainer Kevin suggested slowing down and walking to which I balked and said I’m not an old woman. I’m an athlete. But he’s been right before so I promised him I would try it. I’ve been walking 4 miles every day that I’m able along with my regular yoga and weightlifting. To say I feel like a new woman doesn’t even do it justice but also I’m in my fat burning zone for 45-55 minutes of my walk. So me walking, while it’s not what in my mind I identify with an athlete, actually burns more fat. At first though as I was walking I would pass a runner and I found myself wanting to justify why I was walking. “I’m a runner too but I’m walking as an experiment”. I wanted to shout. I realized at that point, it wasn’t about the thoughts I have about myself. It was the thoughts I thought others would have about me. I wanted to be a runner. I wanted other people to view me as an athlete even if though running hurts my body. And those were really subtle thoughts that weren’t totally obvious to me. So I realized I needed to have a new thought about walking. As long as I frame it as something old people do, I’m going to go back to my old habits. So I’ve started framing it as restorative and fat burning. I’ve started framing it as slowing down to speed up my metabolism. Who wouldn’t want to keep that habit up with those thoughts? Not only does walking restore my body, it restores my mind as well because I either walk with a friend or I walk alone without music which allows me to think and create and be present. Why do I feel the need to be anything other than what I want for myself when what I want for myself is more valuable to my happiness long term which actually benefits everyone in your life. The better you are, the better you are for the people around you.

The other night we had several friends over. Everyone was drinking wine, I carried a glass of wine all night but didn’t drink it. I didn’t want it. Alcohol doesn’t do well with me. I’m very sensitive to it, I don’t feel well when I drink it and I know I can have just as much fun with it as without it. Fortunately I’ve given myself a chance to see that. So why create the illusion that I’m drinking? It’s me trying to manage what I think other people think about me. It’s me not wanting to be seen as no fun to other people. When more than likely they don’t even care at all. And that’s the truth.

I’ve seen moms lose themselves because they twist themselves into a pretzel for their kids. Or people work so many hours to impress their boss to the point that their family doesn’t even know them. Or kids go into a career they don’t love because that’s what mom and dad want. Maybe a college that’s not their choice but they are a legacy.

If you think about the way you think about the people in your life that you love and want the best for, is it a deal killer if they choose something other than what you want for them? You may not love it at the time but ultimately we want people in our lives that love us for who we are not who they want us to be. That’s being true to you.

Breaking down all the things you do every day, how many of them are for you and how many of them are for appearances?

How many of them are working towards the life you were meant to live to the fullest and how many of them are managing other people’s wants and feelings to the point that you’ll never live your life to it’s fullest if you keep it up.

If you just broke down your day. How often is what you are working on what you want? How often are you doing things because someone else wants you to do them but you would rather be doing something else?

My challenge to you is to answer those 2 questions. You weren’t put on this earth to make other people happy, to fulfill other people’s dreams. They have that responsibly themselves. Yours is to follow the path you were meant for even if that makes mom sad, daughter mad, or friend uncomfortable…you’re actually doing them a favor…you’re showing them what’s possible when you live untethered by other people’s demands. Share this with 3 people who you’d like to see untethered. I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days.

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