Hi guys! Welcome to episode 466 of the wildly successful lifestyle podcast! Good to be with you. I hope your coffee is yummy or your walk is beautiful, whatever we are doing together, I’m glad to be with you.
Ok…The other day I had one appointment after another and when I got back from the gym I was short on time and so I asked Eric if he minded just slicing an apple and putting it in a baggie for me because I wasn’t going to have time for lunch today and I knew I was not going to eat fast food or anything that wasn’t real food because that’s our lifestyle now and it feels good to be able to say that and know it’s true. So anyway he says of course but that’s not going to be enough and I said oh it’ll be fine I’ll take almond butter with me so that will fill me up. So I go and do my whirlwind getting ready so that I’m on time to my client meeting. Well when I’m giving him a kiss goodbye he hands me this lunch bag. It has veggies, hummus, nuts, sliced apples, leftover steak that had already been cut up and two waters in a bag with frozen packs to keep it cold until I ate it. While I was getting ready he packed all of this for me and handed it to me as I was walking out. It was so thoughtful and so in line with things he does for me regularly that as I was getting in my car with my fully packed healthy on the go lunch, I noticed myself asking “what did I do in my life to deserve him?” And I thought you know what good for you, you’ve grown. Because my thoughts a while back would have been “I don’t deserve him, he’s too good” but I’ve evolved now to where I am very kind to myself and am extremely careful with how I speak to and about myself because I’m in my head 24/7 and what I think of myself is how I’m going to allow others to treat me. My thoughts about me will dictate what I tolerate from anyone else. And the interesting thing has been this. I would have thought that there would be a lot of people that I would have to cut out of my life because I am not going to tolerate certain things anymore but what I’ve found to be true is now I’m just attracting the energy I put out, which has always been the case but just now I’m extremely aware of it. I’m attracting what I expect to find. I’m finding the better I treat myself and the less I tolerate my own thoughts of negativity, the less I attract that negativity from others. I’m inviting them to treat me the way I treat myself. And people treat you at your energy level not the mask you try to put over the energy you’re putting out unless authenticity is a little too much for someone so they prefer to just hang with the mask version, more than likely it’s because they prefer their mask too. You see, Your energy walks in the door one step ahead of you, so the people you are with decide whether they are speaking to your energy or maybe they are fine and prefer to just go with the mask you put on. My little sister molly and I FaceTime every morning. No matter what either one of us say, we always know when something is up with each other ALWAYS. Energy speaks louder than any words you’ll ever use.
I can remember my life before I realized that I was not my thoughts. Before I realized That I was actually the watcher of my thoughts. The real me was the one noticing those thoughts. Once I started noticing them, I realized that my thoughts were not really even from me, not me at my core, they were from my upbringing, my teachers, my siblings, my parents, the news and social media. All the same places your thoughts are from too. That’s not who you are at your core either.
And I used to put on a good show, even for my husband…he had no idea how unworthy I felt, how separate from other people I felt and it was all in my head, in the way I talked to and about myself.
So, I’m not talking about the show you put on. I’m talking about the way you treat yourself in your head.
Sometimes we say “I’m so angry, this person did this or that. Or they didn’t do this or that and now I’m hurt.” thinking those thoughts for a while will have you so engrossed in the idea that someone did you wrong that you start noticing that everywhere because that’s what you are focused on. You say things like “see everyone is against me” or “I knew I couldn’t trust anyone” Your thoughts are so powerful when you dwell on them that you can actually invite a negative interaction from someone who would not normally be negative to you. Have you ever done that? You’re angry or hurt or maybe just frustrated because you perceive someone as doing you wrong and now you pick fights with the other people you are around too? You just confirm for yourself that people are no good, we’ll even do it to our own family. That’s why it’s so important to be aware of what’s going on in your own head and clean that up in your own head so you aren’t inviting more of it or spreading that kind of energy around. But how do you do that when we live in a world where other people play a big part of our life? And we want them to. Our relationships are crucial to our human existence. Wayne Dyer suggests that when you feel mistreated, ask yourself how would you have liked to be treated instead and then imagine giving that to yourself in some way. He suggests imagine that kind of light and moral treatment that you want imagine that descending down on you from God. That may be a far fetch for some of you like it used to be for me, I was raised in a strict religion where God was described as an angry and a jealous God and a punishing God so of course I wanted nothing to do with him but once I realized that was just a control tactic used by religion to keep people scared and in line, I was able to see that we are all worthy and pure in the eyes of God, and we are all extensions of him. The idea that we are not worthy, a bad seed, a black sheep, a terrible person, that’s all been put in our heads by someone or something else. You at your core are perfect and always searching for light, always searching for truth. That’s why people who are authentic feel so good to be around, unless you prefer to hide behind your mask and so you avoid all authenticity because it has you feeling exposed. I’ve been there and I understand. I still feel exposed sometimes if I’m with someone who I feel can see right through me. Kevin, my trainer is one of those people. There are times where I put on a happy face and I think I’m doing a good job of masking my true feelings and he just sees right through it he’ll say “what’s up, let’s just go ahead and cut to the chase”. Sometimes I feel exposed but once we talk I feel so seen and heard that it gives me permission to be ok with my true energy. I hope you have someone in your life that does that for you. Don’t push them away, keep them close. They’re helping you.
Real, authentic relationships are hard only when you want to keep your mask on. But in order to move beyond your mask you have to acknowledge you’re wearing one in the first place. It’s not anyone else’s job to clean up your energy. You are the only one that can do it. And it starts with realizing that you are not your thoughts, you are not your past, you are not your mistakes. You are the one noticing all of those things. Once you realize that, you realize you don’t have to hang onto the energy that comes with harboring shame, harboring resentment, harboring bad feelings because you are separate from it, you can walk away from it.
If someone you loved more than anyone else in the world came to you with feelings of shame, what would you say, how would you treat them? You would not berate them, you would give them love and light…forgiveness. You would give them exactly what you should also be giving yourself. In whatever way that works for you. It’s so important to do this because how you treat yourself is what you invite from others. How you treat yourself is what you’ll tolerate from others. How you treat yourself has a lot to do with how you treat others as well. Sometimes the ones that treat themselves the worst are the biggest givers because they’re trying to find their self worth in the approval of others which causes them eventually to be resentful because you allow everyone to walk all over you and then get mad at them when they do.
Everything comes back to you
My challenge to you this week is to notice the correlation with how you treat yourself to how others treat you. Find the correlation with how you treat yourself and things you’ll tolerate from others. With how you treat yourself and the things you invite from others. Protect your energy and clean up your thoughts and see if those relationships don’t fix themselves. I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days!
