Hi guys! Welcome to episode 226! Have you subscribed to my podcast on Spotify or Apple podcast? Make sure you do!
I really wanted to have this be a 30 second episode where I just said this: how to feel good…stop doing what makes you feel bad. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.
But I knew that would be annoying and leave you hanging and I would never do that. So I’m just going to give you examples of what I mean. I also went back and forth on the title. Will it be How to feel good or How not to feel bad. Because I’m going to talk about them both. I went with how to feel good because it seemed happier. Now you know how I choose my titles. ha
Have you ever had people in your life who could be family, could be friends where you don’t feel good about yourself when you’re with them or maybe after you leave them? Maybe they gossip or are super negative the whole time or are passive aggressive to you but whatever it is you don’t feel great about yourself when you’ve been around them. It’s ok to limit your time with them until you’re able to not absorb that negativity. It’s also ok to not participate in the gossip and simply change the subject. If someone is bringing you down, you have to have your own back by realizing that you’re an adult and you get to choose who you spend time with. You can’t CHANGE people but you can change PEOPLE. Not saying you’re gonna…but keep it as an option.
Sometimes we do things out of obligation because it’s our family or because we know we think we are doing good for someone. But at what cost? I had a sweet neighbor once that lost her husband, she was elderly and didn’t leave the house much if ever. I decided to visit her weekly and just sit and talk to her because she was lonely. But she only talked about negative things and no matter how I tried to steer the conversation it still went negative. I realized I wasn’t helping her or me because absorbing that energy didn’t do anything for either of us, instead of feeling good when I left I felt a little cranky. I like that word. Now that’s my issue because she can’t make me feel or act a certain way, but I have to be comfortable enough with myself to say right now, I’m not able to sit in that energy for an hour and not absorb it so I opted instead to just check on her and bring her little happies now and again instead of actually sitting with her and talking.
Now I’m genuinely glad to see her and am able to keep my energy positive when I’m around her. Less time, but more value for both of us. I had to have my own back and say just because that’s what someone else wanted doesn’t mean I have to continue regardless of how it made me feel. It didn’t make me feel good to do that and so I pivoted to a scenario where I was still showing I care but also protecting my peace. I feel good about that and to be honest it’s better for her too.
Something else I think we all do…
A week ago or so I had a day where I felt lethargic and anxious and just not creative at all. This is not normal for me so I checked in and thought what have I done differently from the other days? I already knew the answer before I even asked it. There was an email that popped up and I saw the headline and it caused me the urge to go dive into the latest news and for about an hour I looked at everything that’s wrong with the world and how it’s never going to get better if we don’t fight back and even then it will be an uphill battle because there are people wanting to destroy the world as we know it and blah blah blah. I’m not kidding about this. It was bad. This is called fear porn for a reason…it’s scientifically proven to suck you in…and it will cause your heart to race and your anxiety to skyrocket. That was where I went and had to bring myself back, which I did. I didn’t beat myself up, I just said remember this because you feel really bad right now and it’s all your own fault. And because I felt bad and had wasted so much time looking at what’s wrong and then feeling bad about it, I didn’t feel like working out and it kind of made me want to buffer by having a drink and all the things that go with that. You can see how what we feed our minds affects what we feed our body.
Often when I feel bad it makes me want to eat bad. So if there’s something you’re doing that makes you feel bad like following a certain person or group on social media. Just unfollow them. Or if the news makes you feel bad, limit it to a cursory glance. Most of it is not news anymore anyway. Maybe it’s politics. That’s a fun one. Let’s focus on that. Let’s talk about that. And you all get me when I say this because 99% of it is negative anymore because that’s what gets you hooked.
I used to eat ice cream knowing it was going to cause my arms to break out in a rash. I used to drink vodka knowing I was gonna feel bad the next day. I don’t do that anymore because if I’m not going to have my own back then who is. If something makes you feel bad to eat it….maybe stop eating it. There are so many good alternatives anymore there is zero reason for you to continue eating something that you know your body does not like. I eat waffles on the weekend. They are gluten free dairy free and grain free and they are delicious. glutenfreesociety.org has hundreds of recipes that are Divine.
Now. This episode’s title is “How to Feel Good” not “how not to feel bad” so I’m switching gears here.
Your life is full of choices. You’re the only one that can look at each thing you’re doing and ask “does this make me feel good?” How many things do you do in a day that make you feel good? Exercise, eating healthy whole foods, spending time with friends and family, nature walks, doggie snuggles, podcasts that grow you, those are just a few.
Think about how much time you spend doing the things you love.
And some of you may be saying well….Im stuck in a situation that isn’t going to change. Ok, that may be, You have two choices: you can feel bad in the situation or you can find a way to feel good. When a situation isn’t going to change you have to change the way you look at it. I used to drive an hour to work and back every day and it wasn’t my favorite. So I started listening to books on tape (this was before podcasts) and sometimes I would literally drive around longer just to finish the chapter. I started looking forward to my commute. It changed everything.
I’ve told this story before but it had such an impact on me, I’m going to keep telling it…..My friend was engaged and one weekend he was out of town and when he came home, his fiancé had moved out taking all her stuff along with the ring he had bought her. He was devastated and then he got mad, how could she not return that ring? It was expensive and she was the one that broke things off. Fortunately he had a coach at the time. His coach asked him…”Do you think you are going to get that ring back? Honestly? He said No , I don’t. So the coach changed his life with one easy question. Then how would it change your world if you just mentally gave her the ring as a gift and freed yourself the anger? He thought about it and said “It would change everything”. And that’s what he did. From that point on, he felt completely different in an instant.
That’s the power of changing the way you look at something. Especially if it isn’t going to change.
If you’re really struggling, Hire a coach that can help you. A coach’s job is to show you your thoughts and how they are affecting you. What’s your peace worth, right?
You’re not gonna feel good every day, but you deserve to feel good a majority of the time. You know the things that make you feel good and the things that don’t. Make sure the good outweighs the bad.
Have your own back.
I love you guys I’ll talk to you in a few days.
