How to live a happier life

Episode 523
Wildly Successful Lifestyle

LISTEN TO: How to live a happier life

Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 523 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! What’s going on out there? Are you finding that the more you are aware of your thoughts, the better you’re able to see why you do what you do and feel the way you feel? Our thoughts create our reality in every way. If we are miserable we’re doing that and if we are excited and joyful…we’re also doing that. So which way are you feeling a majority of the time? If you don’t like the answer, the solution is in your thoughts.

Over the holidays we have a big dinner at our house and I am usually the one putting it all together and getting it ready while Eric is making sure all of our family has what they need so he’s busy making sure everyone has a drink or working on the fire for ambiance and generally just being a great host while I get dinner ready, he is as busy as I am, we work well together and I’m grateful for that. So when the time comes to sit down for dinner everyone has a drink but me, so I jumped up and got one and then sat back down and we had a wonderful dinner, I didn’t think anything about it.

A couple weeks later I did a podcast where I talked about how we have thoughts about other people and how they affect not only us but the other people as well. After listening to the episode, Molly, my baby sister told me how that night at Christmas dinner she had all these thoughts about me and how she was worried if I was mad because I was so busy doing everything and then maybe I was upset because I had to get a drink on my own, she had noticed but was blocked in on the banquette and could not get out to get it, or I know she would have, but she noticed and thought oh no she’s been working so hard and she didn’t even have a drink when we sat down. And when she told me those were her thoughts it really surprised me because I had no idea she was thinking all of that but at the same time, it wasn’t accurate at all, I wasn’t mad at all about doing all the things. It’s part of what I do on that particular night and yes it’s hectic because there are a lot of people but I would have it no other way. But in her mind, she was worried I was mad because I was doing all the work of dinner and then I didn’t even have a drink. So, I told her “No I loved every minute even though at points it was a little stressful making sure it’s all right and I don’t have an expectation that anyone should wait on me so I wasn’t mad at all that I had to get my own drink. I just really don’t get upset easily. Living that way gives me a lot of freedom. Wayne Dyer talks about in his book “Real Magic”, where he says “Asking nothing of anyone gives you a true sense of freedom.” Whenever you are about to be upset or angry at someone, stop yourself with the statement, “They owe me nothing. I expect nothing of them. I’ll just accept them where they are right now”. Now some of you may think that’s not possible or it feels cold or harsh. But he goes on to explain it in a better way. He says when he uses this with his wife it just reminds him that she is a beautiful gift in his life and she owes him nothing, she is simply a loving presence in his life, now he doesn’t agree 100% of the time with her but seeing her as a gift, allows him to remind himself to demand nothing. I love that. Think about how things would change if you just looked at people in your life as gifts who owe you nothing and are in your life as a loving presence from whom you demand nothing. This can apply to anyone. The interesting thing is though, it seems the less you expect or demand, the more that seems to come your way, funny how that works, isn’t it? I do feel like I have a servants heart. I certainly don’t feel like anyone owes me anything at all. I am responsible for me and my thoughts and actions and someone else is responsible for theirs. It was a good lesson for me though. Because in Molly’s mind she was worried I was upset and it couldn’t have been farther from the truth. A lot of us create these thoughts about what someone else is thinking, so we create in our mind what we think is going on in someone else’s mind. I do it too but with this experience with Molly it helped me see that most of the time when we do that, we aren’t right. Every thought you have comes from your lived experience and your lived experience is so different from anyone else so more than likely they aren’t thinking what you’re thinking they are thinking at all. Scott Adams says when we do that we are trying to mind read and we’re not good at it. I’m sensitive to peoples feelings and that will often have me trying to mind read but what I’m realizing now is if you want to know how someone is feeling, you can talk to them, You don’t have to create something about them that gives you a reason to feel anxious. The other thing I’m realizing is each one of us is responsible for getting our own needs met. If someone is upset with you or feels a certain about you, if they don’t express that to you and expect you to try to read their mind, that’s on them. It has to be. That’s why I so loved that part of the Wayne Dyer book where he talks about demanding nothing from anyone. No one owes you anything. If you aren’t getting your needs met that is something that as an adult is on you. It’s not your husbands job to make you happy. He couldn’t anyway. It’s not you parents fault you aren’t making it as an adult. It’s not your friends job to make you feel included. You see when we assign our internal happiness to something or someone external, life becomes a roller coaster.

So yeah, I don’t expect anyone to wait on me even if I’m busy but I also would never allow myself to be treated poorly. That hasn’t always been the case but I have simply realized through meditation and mindset work that no-one can correctly read my mind so no-one knows what I’m thinking or how I’m feeling but me and it’s on me to get any needs met or to at least make it clear that that’s what I want.

My challenge to you is the challenge Wayne Dyer gave to me in that book. Give yourself a day to ask nothing of anyone. In fact give instead of taking from. It’s a beautiful thing to give and ask nothing in return. Do that for a day and see if life feels a little different, a little brighter. Share this with 3 people who give more than they take. I love you guys, Ill talk to you in a few days!

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