Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 323 of the wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! I don’t know what the weather is where you are but Im looking out the window to the most glorious sunshine! What makes it extra special is we have had lots of rainy cloudy days and so the contrast makes it that much better. That’s how life is right? If you didn’t have the bad times, the good times wouldn’t stand out as much. Just a thought as Im staring out my window.
Have you ever had something coming up, maybe a family dinner or a dinner with friends and there’s something that has been bothering you about someone that’s going to be there or maybe a bunch of someones that are going to be there and you create all this mind drama about this person or people only to get to the dinner and have a great time and maybe you find out the thing you were upset about was all created in your head? Maybe you thought they were all in on something and you were left out only to find out that wasn’t the case? I have, in fact I used to do it a lot. I thought my thoughts were just happening and I had no control of them, or rather I never even really thought about control, I just that that’s what made me “me”. So I didn’t think I could change it.
I remember I would have these periods of feeling really bad and being really bitter about things and I just thought that was life. I can’t control the way I feel. I guess I’m just destined to be on this roller coaster because I can’t control other people obviously and sometimes the decisions they make or things that happen in this world affects me and it makes me feel a certain way and that’s just life.
Ok. Sounds reasonable. Reasonable maybe but….is that how it has to be? Are we just a victim to any reaction we have to the things that go on around us that we can’t control?
What I have found is that we do have much more control than we think we do. At any given point in our life, things can be pretty normal. Think about it, Day to day Life is happening and a lot of it is pretty nice. We have a roof over our head, we have food to eat, we enjoy the freedom of choice, which means we can decide what we want to eat, whether we are going to exercise, who we get to hang out with, even whether or not to go to work, for most people these are reality. Most of our lives are not totally chaotic when you really break it down. The chaos comes in by what we allow in and what we create in our head. Ive noticed this more and more as I have stopped allowing so much chaos in.
I live in Memphis,TN well actually a small suburb of Memphis. Now if you’re in America, you will probably know of Memphis because it gets a bad rap and unfortunately rightfully so. There’s a lot of senseless violence here. But my suburb is relatively safe. Crime does sprinkle in periodically but for the most part, it’s pretty safe. Now. If I sat around and watched every single bad thing that happened in Memphis or paid attention to all of the blogs or twitter accounts about the crime happening it would be easy to feel unsafe every time you leave the house. I used to do that. I used to when I would get on twitter, I would follow the Memphis police department on twitter. Gotta tell ya. Not a good idea! I knew every little thing that went on. I would say I was keeping myself informed. But I also was keeping myself in a heightened state of chaos in my mind. I would still do all the same things I always did, going to the same places, but I also had this underlying feeling of fear. Since I have cleansed my life of the news, twitter, and Facebook, which were all the places where I would get my drama online, I am cautious of course but Im not expecting something to happen and Im not creating things in my head that could happen, I am simply aware of my surroundings without all of the mind drama. You can be safe and not allow in constant chaos. Same goes for politics, news, the latest crisis. How much of your valuable time are you allowing to go towards things that are making life feel chaotic?
My life feels much less chaotic since I started choosing what I will allow and won’t allow. You get to do that. You don’t HAVE to allow any of it in. Now of course, there’s still going to be other people in our life and we still have to deal with the feelings that come up there, right? Ok, true yes. But let’s think about that.
So much of that chaos is a choice too because we create a lot of the drama in our heads. So for me for example. I used to really be upset about my family and the whole religion thing. I created a lot of anxiety and drama in my head when I wasn’t around them, but when I was with them, there was never anything but laughter and fun and enjoying each others company. So what is true? The chaos I created in my head or the way we all feel when we are together? I have talked a lot about this in past episodes but I used to pull away from my family because I thought they were pulling away from me. I would create these scenarios in my head like my parents spending all this quality time with my sisters that are still in the religion and they specifically leaving us out because we aren’t part of the religion. Honestly since I have been reaching out and making a concerted effort to be in their life, I have found that simply isn’t the case. My parents really just thought we were all just too busy to come home. They are so happy that we are making an effort to visit. My mind drama was creating a rift that wasn’t there. I still have moments where there is some, but I catch it and flip it around now rather than continue down the mind drama path.
So my brain used to just be allowed to run amok. Taking in whatever negative information I could find that gave me a quick dopamine hit, Going down rabbit holes of scenarios I would create about my family or friends that many many times turned out to not be even close to the truth. My brain was having its way with me and I thought I was powerless to stop it. UNTIL MEDITATION.
I purposefully didn’t mention meditation until know because I know that some of you just like I used to would roll your eyes and maybe even turn off the episode…it’s ok I understand trust me! But hear me out. I was in yoga this morning and my instructor said something like life is created by 3 C’s. And then she proceeded to tell us what those 3 C’s were. Choices, Chances and Changes. Now I hadn’t heard this one, so I thought ok. Sure. And she mentioned that a few more times and then at the end of the class she said. In life…you have to make the choice to take a chance if you ever want anything to change. And that got me. So true. We can all go through life with no intentionality and no discipline and just allow life to happen, take what comes at you every day and wake up to do it again and then wonder when things are ever going to change. But in order for things to change, you gotta do something different. You have that choice to take a chance on something different so you can make a positive change. I did that with meditation. Andrew Huberman said the benefit of meditation is not the sitting there for 10 minutes it’s the ability later in the day to be aware of the thoughts that are creating the feelings that are making you sad, or mad or depressed or anxious. Being aware of them and then asking yourself how much of that is created and how much is actually true?
When I was thinking my family was pulling away from me, when I really wrote down what was true, I realized my mom had called me several times and I had not been calling her. I was the reason for the separation. I was creating the mind drama. I was letting my brain have it’s way with me and it was wrecking that part of my life.
Where are you letting your brain have it’s way with you? Is it with a coworker? Your partner? Your sibling? The gym? Maybe it’s with food.
We have so much more power over our life than we realize. Because life happens which causes you to have a thought which creates a feeling which is why you take the actions you do which ultimately decides the results in your life. There’s only one thing you don’t control in that statement and that’s that life is going to happen. You get to decide what you’re going to make anything mean. And left to autopilot your brain is going to go into drama mode. Everyone’s does if left unchecked. That’s why you have to manage it and the way I learned to do that and the best way I can tell to do that is by meditation. I started out at 15 minutes. I now mediate just about every day for 20 minutes. It’s training me every day to notice my thoughts. Im happier than I have ever been because my brain is no longer allowed to have it’s way with me. And it still tries, but I quickly reign it back in.
My challenge to you today is to choose to take a chance so that your life will forever change. Practice meditation for at least 10 minutes every day for the next 30 days. I love the calm app, I do Jeff Warrens 10 minute or so meditation every day and then I set a timer for 10 minutes and I do a creative meditation where in my mind I focus a spot light on different parts of my body directing the light as I see fit. Basically showing my brain who’s boss. Trust me, it’s like a dog, much happier when it has an alpha around. And just like a dog, your brain will have it’s way with you if you let it. So you gotta be the alpha. I think for now it’s the only place I’m an alpha and that’s just fine with me.
Share this with 2 people today that would maybe enjoy a less chaotic mind. I love you guys, Ill talk to you in a few days.
