Hi guys! Welcome to Episode 432 of the Wildly Successful Lifestyle podcast! Welcome if you’re new. Im glad you’re here. And hi again to everyone that has been around for a while, I like hanging with you for these 10 or so minutes in case you haven’t noticed. Let’s keep it up…You can make that easy by following the show or subscribe so you get notified each Monday and Friday when they come out. That usually happens by clicking on the 3 little dots in the upper corner of the app you’re on and clicking on follow or subscribe.
Ok, Have you ever told yourself you are definitely going to the gym tomorrow morning and then when tomorrow morning comes you find every reason to skip the gym? How about telling yourself you’re going to eat a salad for dinner only to get to dinner and order a hamburger and fries? Or maybe you have plans that you are excited about but something else comes up that you feel obligated to do so you cancel your exciting plans…..Have any of those things happened to you? Are these just little harmless things that happen or are they doing more damage than we think?
This last week my husband was traveling during the week so he was gone from Tuesday until Friday. A lot of times when he is gone like that I’ll make plans with friends or family so I stay really busy. Well this week I made plans with my friend Leena to go on Wednesday to an arial pilates class, where we do the work on these silk sheets hanging from the ceiling. She had asked me a few times to come with her and it never worked out, so I decided ok, let’s go. Well sometime during the day my husbands plane was late for work and all of a sudden now he was going to be home and I hadn’t seen him for a few days. So was I going to cancel my plans and go to dinner with him instead?
As much as I love being with Eric, my husband, and it would have been more comfortable to go to dinner with him than to do this new class where Im hanging from the ceiling trying to do flips…as much as I would have loved hanging with him, I wanted to try this new thing AND I had made a commitment to my friend and I wasn’t going to back out on her because it was convenient or another offer came up. No, I gave my husband a hug and told him I would miss him but I would be back in a couple hours. And of course, I was glad I went, it was super fun and way harder than you think but also it felt good to keep a commitment to myself and my commitment to my friend. She would have understood of course if I had canceled but that’s not how I want to treat my friend because I value that relationship. I was also personally excited to go so I honored myself as well by keeping the commitment. And when you value something you’re loyal to it. If I had already had plans with my husband and Leena had asked me to do the arial class I would have told her I couldn’t because I value my time with Eric very much as well.
But if I’m being transparent, I felt guilty for my husband getting an unexpected night off and I wasn’t gonna be there. I love spending time with him….But I had made a commitment to myself and to my friend that I was going to that class and I really wanted to keep it not only for Leena, my friend, but also for myself, I was really excited about going. Had I canceled I would be telling myself that Eric’s feelings are more important than mine. And while his feelings are extremely important to me, of course they are, I can’t neglect my own feelings because neglecting my own feelings tells me Im not as important as him. And neglecting ourselves in favor of someone else easily becomes a habit. You may justify it as selfless when really it’s just passivity, you not standing up for what you truly want.
Debra Fileta who is a licensed professional counselor and relationship expert, says If selflessness is defined as considering the needs of others, it’s certainly not defined by failing to consider ourselves. We need to get this aspect of selflessness right, because a life of passivity will do as much damage to our relationships as a life of selfishness. There’s a big difference between being loyal to your own needs and being selfish.
I have learned over time that being loyal to what I say I’m going to do with other people, starts with me being loyal to myself. Having the gumption to do what you tell yourself you are going to do regardless of what is going on, is a high functioning quality. I believe people who keep promises they make to themselves are more likely to keep their promises to other people too. When you keep promises to yourself, you are telling yourself that what you want matters. You are telling yourself that you are important and worthy. Keeping promises to yourself actually builds your self confidence in a very big way. It makes me a better person when I keep the promises I make to myself. I am a better wife, a better friend, a better family member because I have the confidence to do what I say Im gonna do and that starts with honoring the commitments I make to myself. So my honoring my commitment to my friend and myself ultimately made me a better wife to Eric. And I’m being serious about that.
Studies suggest that keeping promises holds a lot of emotional value for us and when we break those promises, there’s this growing lack of trust we have for ourself, which erodes our self-confidence. And Self confidence, it’s the backbone of living a wildly successful life, if you ask me.
Commitments you make to yourself are just as important as the commitments you make to other people. Think about it, if someone is important to you, you definitely keep the commitments you make with them.
But…When you rank the people in your life that are the most important, how do you rank yourself? If you don’t value you, don’t be surprised when others don’t either. The way you treat yourself shows others the way you expect to be treated. Your self confidence is built a little bit every time you make a promise to yourself and keep it, and vice versa so be very careful about what you tell yourself you’re gonna do or not do. Your promises to yourself are not just harmless little thoughts that don’t matter…. They are the cornerstone to your self confidence and self worth. You fix that inner dialogue with yourself and every single relationship you have will get better because now you got you. You’re not relying on someone else or something else to feel self confident and worthy…You just know it to be true….you’re worthy so of course you keep the commitment you make to yourself. You’re self confident so of course you say no when you want to say no. And yes when you want to say yes. And you don’t have hidden resentments because you are no longer passively trying to make someone else happy at the expense of what you truly desire, which in turn tells them you know you’re worth so now they treat you in a way in which you deserved all along. All because you kept a promise to yourself. Pretty cool huh?
Keep your promises or don’t make them. Nicole Blochburger said that in a blog I read recently. I would like to add…keep your promises or don’t make them…Especially with yourself.
That’s my challenge for you this week. Keep every promise you make to yourself this week and if you don’t think you’re gonna keep it don’t make it. Share this with 3 worthy people. I love you guys, I’ll talk to you in a few days!
